October is selective mutism awareness month.

[HerRoyalRisesAgain]

Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder which leaves the sufferer unable to speak in certain situations.

DD is the loudest mute child I know.
She has had SM since she was a baby. At age 2 she would only speak to me. Now at 7 she can speak to all of the family and she's able to speak in school unless it's a substitute teacher. She knows all of the teachers and TAs.

She's gone from silent and tracking behind academically to talkative and perfectly average and in some subjects she's even ahead of what's expected. To say I'm proud of her is an understatement.

We still have work to do, she can't speak to shop keepers, some people in public, bus drivers etc, but she's made such immense progress.

Its good to hear she is making progress. My dd 12 has a really good friend who has selective mutism. When she comes over i dont know whether to talk to her or not...i do but she never rep!ies or !ooks at me.

dont know whether to talk to her or not...i do

It'd good that you talk to her, just as long as she doesn't feel pressured to reply as that may make it harder for her to talk. It does with DD. But just chatting without asking questions and expecting a reply is OK. So "I'll tell you what, I'll grab you a drink in case you get thirsty" would be preferable over "do you want a drink?"

It's interesting that there is an awareness month. Thanks for posting. I've looked into it recently as sometimes I can't speak when I'm stressed. Sometimes I can't think of words but usually I know exactly what I want to say, but lose the ability to say it.
I found it quite frightening at first, as a usually articulate speaker. That made it worse, of course.
As an adult I'm trying to work out coping strategies (mainly stress reduction) as it's a fairly recent thing.
But I can see how it must be an incredibly difficult thing to deal with as a child, and of course for their family.
Mine is a very short lived thing - certain situations or conversations that stress me. But it means I can totally understand that it is genuinely that selective mute people can't speak, not that they won't, or just could if they'd try harder. In my experience the harder I try the worse it gets.

In my experience the harder I try the worse it gets that seems to be the case for children too. They're so desperate to be heard but they just cabt. I'm sorry you suffer too that must feel awful.

@HerRoyalRisesAgain

In my experience the harder I try the worse it gets that seems to be the case for children too. They're so desperate to be heard but they just cabt. I'm sorry you suffer too that must feel awful.

I know, poor little things. I think it's great that you've developed ways of chatting that don't require an answer. Mostly, I'm fine but I do recognise it as an anxiety thing. My life is relatively stress free but every now and again it bites me on the bum. It doesn't last long ( or hasn't, yet) But it means I can sort of understand how it must be for the children. I wave my arms about and roll my eyes in wry amusement, but that's because I know my voice will come back. Not so easy when it's an ongoing situation. I'll look into how I can support the awareness.

I have SM. I had such a hard childhood due to it 😞

My dd who’s 17 has a form of this, it’s worse around anyone in the medical profession which means I still need to go to all her medical appointments (and no doubt come across as a pushy mother as I need to speak for her), she sits there looking bored and refusing to make eye contact with the odd grunt thrown in, I’m sure most people probably just think she’s rude. Unfortunately she has some medical conditions which mean we’re at the doctors/hospital a lot, she has got better and will speak if the person is friendly and sympathetic but if they are brusk etc she just can’t talk. She has the same in other situations as well.

She is being tested for autism though as she has loads of other markers.

I'll look into how I can support the awareness thank you. It means so much that more people are aware of it as so many think she's just shy or choosing not to speak. As a family we just get on with it, if ever she's having difficulties (sometimes when shes unwell she becomes upset and then can't speak) we just roll with it and don't make a big deal out of it.
We have stickers for when we're out that have my phone number and a brief 'I have selective mutism, I cant speak but I can understand please call my mum" in case she gets lost and can't approach anyone for help.
School are great with her too. They've worked very closely with me as her mum and woth her speech therapist and with it being a small school she's happy and confident there. But when she first started no one had heard of SM.

@ThanksAgainForNothing I'm sorry you suffer too. It must be a very difficult thing to have.

and no doubt come across as a pushy mother as I need to speak for her oh yes doctors are a nightmare. I had one demand to know why I wasn't letting her answer. I'm sure they thought I was abusing her! Even after I explained about her SM they were funny with me.

Dd has it. She's autistic. Getting better in some situations but not all. Some of her classmates have never heard her speak. Totally driven by anxiety because when she's happy and relaxed she chats away.

@HerRoyalRisesAgain

dont know whether to talk to her or not...i do

It'd good that you talk to her, just as long as she doesn't feel pressured to reply as that may make it harder for her to talk. It does with DD. But just chatting without asking questions and expecting a reply is OK. So "I'll tell you what, I'll grab you a drink in case you get thirsty" would be preferable over "do you want a drink?"

Thank you..thats really helpful

Oh, it's interesting to see this on MN. I'm wondering whether DS has low profile selective mutism - he's struggling at the moment.

Can I just correct that it isn't solely an anxiety disorder. I've had it since childhood and still have it now. When I don't talk I am very happy to not be doing. I have my reasons, I'll be treated for my reasons for life, but I don't have anxiety.

I've never heard of this before I didn't realise it was a thing and am now wondering if my 4 year old has it. In certain situations she refuses to speak, usually when we are in busy places or with people she doesn't know. She also won't speak to me in front of her nursery workers or other people. Sometimes even my own parents.
Just a couple of weeks ago we were at the fair and it was loud and busy and she shut down. She wouldn't speak at all or go on any of the rides and wouldn't say what sweet she wanted at a stall and just gestured I found myself getting really annoyed as I thought she's was just being awkward (because I've had her in similar settings previously and she's been fine) but afterwards I said to my mum I think there's more to this and I've been worried ever since.

I had thought about posting on here to ask if anyone had experienced similar but I was scared to face the truth that there could be a deeper problem. Thank you for posting this I'm going to do some research.

@PastMyBestBeforeDate I'm glad your DD is improving.

@Makelovenotpetrol sorry, of course you can have it without the anxiety, I was just on about for my DD its an anxiety disorder.

For those questioning it's worth speaking to a speech therapist. It could be that they're just a bit shy, but if not then you've got the ball rolling for support. I was referred via my health visitor but your GP could do it too if you feel its necessary

I just wanted to mention SMIRA - Selective mutism information and research association. They've got a really useful FB page with links to useful resources etc.

@UnfinishedBunting thank you! They do have lots of information.

Sometimes MN gets a bad rap for bitchiness etc, but when someone posts a thread like this @HerRoyalRisesAgain, and then gets responses like yours @PivotPivotPivottt, you realise what a good place of education and support it can be

I agree Redjimjams 🙂.

"Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder which leaves the sufferer unable to speak in certain situations." -- suggested it was this for everyone!

Just to give a different perspective, and as an adult who has lived this for over 30 years, I am at my happiest when silent. I speak and do my job, I cannot do all parts of my job due to the situations in which I don't speak, but I'm not required to them since I can't.

I have a lot of good friends who I know that I can meet up with and either talk, or not talk with and they do not mind either way.

I'm married of many years and have children. My talking or not talking is just part of our lives.

I do have it, as a result of severe trauma and that's all I'm ever going to be prepared to say (and I can only say that after years of therapy to even acknowledge that), but being silent, and people accepting that about me, makes me my happiest.

MN is a goldmine of information. I was lucky enough to work with children with SM before having my daughter so I already had prior knowledge which is how I was able to notice the signs. If I hadn't I'd have just thought she was shy and awkward and not known how, in her words "the words get stuck in my neck, like they're trying to choke me"

To bookend my own post - I'm not suggesting that everyone with SM is like me. I absolutely understand some people with it do have severe anxiety - and like you OP I work with people with it.
But as it's an awareness post .. I just wanted to give another glimpse at it as well.

Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder which leaves the sufferer unable to speak in certain situations." -- suggested it was this for everyone!
I can only go off what I was told by my dinghies speech therapist. I'm well aware there are people who have it without having anxiety but for most people it's an anxiety disorder.
In my experience, thats what it is. Of course I can't speak for others. I'm sorry you suffered trauma, and I'm glad you've found being quiet makes you happy.

Dinghies=DD

I'm also glad your work makes adjustments for you. That's so important. I'm autistic and I know how vital the adjustments in the workplace can be.