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Original poster

Who’s right over making a home a home?

32 replies

Mudday · 30/09/2021 00:26

A couple I know are arguing about love and creating a home together, and appear to be in a petty standoff. One is saying they will tidy up the house when they feel loved enough to make it a real home; and the other says if it’s tidy enough first then they’ll show love. So which comes first? Loving or tidying?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 30/09/2021 00:27

Puberty might improve things.

JaneJeffer · 30/09/2021 00:29

They're both twits who deserve each other.

CiaoForNiao · 30/09/2021 00:29

Person one should do their fair share of tidying up because they live there.
Person 2 shouldn't put conditions on their love.

Both should grow up.

Ionlydomassiveones · 30/09/2021 00:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

HeddaGarbled · 30/09/2021 00:35

So which comes first? Loving or tidying?

Definitely tidying.

Guineapigbridge · 30/09/2021 00:50

The time spent arguing could be spent on tidying or on loving. So just pick one and get on with it!!!

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 30/09/2021 02:44

I’m just trying to imagine having this conversation with flatmates……honestly.

The responsibilities you owe to the house are separate to the relationship. You clean, tidy and pay bills because of your obligations as someone who lives there.

You give/get affection due to a relationship.

Mixing the two is stupid. What’s next - I didn’t pay the electricity bill because I didn’t feel loved?

MitheringMytryl · 30/09/2021 02:49

Everybody should tidy up after themselves. It has nothing to do with love.

I think maybe the two people need to grow up.

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/09/2021 04:05

Sounds like they need to grow up

Original poster
Mudday · 30/09/2021 04:05

Absolutely brilliant responses! Not sure they'll like them though...

OP posts:
Fallagain · 30/09/2021 05:13

This sounds like something my 5 year old would say to try and get out of tidying.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 30/09/2021 05:26

how about the second person does the tidying? It seems to matter to them

LukeEvansWife · 30/09/2021 05:35

To be fair, Wendy houses don't take much tidying

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 30/09/2021 05:36

The second one sounds a bit narcissistic. Love shouldn't be conditional.

Tellmesomethinggirl · 30/09/2021 05:38

@Ionlydomassiveones

Tidying has fuck all to do with love. It’s about being an adult and being able to function efficiently.
Actually I think tidying, cleaning, cooking and washing has everything to do with real love. Real love being about respect for your partner, hard work, consistency, doing the boring stuff, self discipline. But you both do it for each other. They both have to get off their backsides and start!
WaltzingBetty · 30/09/2021 05:42

Tidying is about respect for the other person who has to share the space. Both should be contributing to household tasks equally.

Love is dead if there's disrespect and contempt or an expectation the other person does all household tasks

InnPain · 30/09/2021 05:45

I’m with @ Ionlydomassiveones

InnPain · 30/09/2021 05:46

Perfectly put @FollowYourOwnNorthStar

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 30/09/2021 05:47

My house is an absolute fucking tip at the moment. Both DH and I love each other but we have a 7yo and a 1yo, he works 9-5 and then looks after our children whilst I work 7-6 most days. By the time they’re in bed, we’re both completely exhausted.

merrymouse · 30/09/2021 05:54

@FollowYourOwnNorthStar

I’m just trying to imagine having this conversation with flatmates……honestly.

The responsibilities you owe to the house are separate to the relationship. You clean, tidy and pay bills because of your obligations as someone who lives there.

You give/get affection due to a relationship.

Mixing the two is stupid. What’s next - I didn’t pay the electricity bill because I didn’t feel loved?

Completely agree.
Donotgogentle · 30/09/2021 05:59

I’ve heard of commodifying sex in a relationship but never . . . tidying.

The relationship sounds dysfunctional.

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2021 06:55

@Justmuddlingalong

Puberty might improve things.
Awesome comment 😃😃😃😃
OrangeTortoise · 30/09/2021 06:59

I think the first person is making random excuses not to tidy.

Rosesareyellow · 30/09/2021 07:05

This is the weirdest thing I’ve heard in a long time - You are both being unreasonable and I’m having trouble deciding who is more bonkers.
My DH forgot to put the bins out yesterday - he must be losing his love for the place. I’ll let him know it’s time to move Grin

Rosesareyellow · 30/09/2021 07:08

Actually I think tidying, cleaning, cooking and washing has everything to do with real love. Real love being about respect for your partner, hard work, consistency, doing the boring stuff, self discipline. But you both do it for each other. They both have to get off their backsides and start!

It’s a nice thought, but no. Single people tidy too. It’s just being an adult - although I accept people’s definitions of what constitutes ‘tidy enough’ vary. A pp comment about puberty really didn’t miss the mark.