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Original poster

What have you told your 5yr old about 'stranger danger' etc

32 replies

talkalarm · 28/09/2021 22:05

DS knows that private parts are private and that people shouldn't ask to see it. He knows it's called a penis although he doesn't call it that.

I feel like I should be telling him not to go off with strangers and to tell mummy if anyone essentially tries to groom him but I don't want to scare him (he's sensitive and he will ask more questions)

What have you told your children?

OP posts:
JaninaDuszejko · 28/09/2021 22:10

At that stage it was just 'if you get lost ask a mummy for help'. Children are more likely to be abused by someone they know than a stranger. There's a lot of 'ask someone before you touch them', mainly because they are inconsiderate in their affection.

Embracelife · 28/09/2021 22:12

Look at nspcc pants

There are safe strangers
Police
Shopkeepers
Nurse
Firefighter

There are unsafe people he may know

Don't make it only about stranger danger

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds Behaviour & development Families
AliceMcK · 28/09/2021 22:17

Tell him bit by bit. It’s understandable you don’t want to scare him but in some way you have to a little to make them understand especially as they get older. I’ve told mine that they never ever talk to anyone they don’t know even if they know their (my DCs) names or mummy and daddy’s names. I don’t make it scary, I kind of make it a game, when we are in the car I say things like what do you do when some one offers you a sweet, she shouts NO STRANGER, what do you do if some one asks you your name, she shouts IM NOT ALLOWED TO TELL STRANGERS MY NAME. It’s about setting rules, don’t open the door to anyone even if you know them, never ever go off with anyone unless mummy and daddy say it’s ok even if you know them….

As he gets older you can tell him more, my 9yo understands a bit more about why strangers are dangerous.

ClaraThree · 28/09/2021 22:19

Google
Clever Never Goes
It’s not about strangers - the message is not to go anywhere without asking the grown up in charge.

AliceMcK · 28/09/2021 22:21

As for the body parts bit my DDs understand no one touches their bodies, their bodies are theirs, no one can touch it without their permission and they should never touch anyone’s else’s body. If anyone makes them uncomfortable at anytime they tell me, they should never be afraid to tell me anything even if someone says they can’t tell me, especially if they tell them not to tell me. They should never ever have secrets from mummy ever.

Embracelife · 28/09/2021 22:25

@AliceMcK

Tell him bit by bit. It’s understandable you don’t want to scare him but in some way you have to a little to make them understand especially as they get older. I’ve told mine that they never ever talk to anyone they don’t know even if they know their (my DCs) names or mummy and daddy’s names. I don’t make it scary, I kind of make it a game, when we are in the car I say things like what do you do when some one offers you a sweet, she shouts NO STRANGER, what do you do if some one asks you your name, she shouts IM NOT ALLOWED TO TELL STRANGERS MY NAME. It’s about setting rules, don’t open the door to anyone even if you know them, never ever go off with anyone unless mummy and daddy say it’s ok even if you know them….

As he gets older you can tell him more, my 9yo understands a bit more about why strangers are dangerous.

What zbout the firefighter Or paramedic

She should tell them her name

Imagine you get hurt when with her an d she cannot tell someone who she is?

Embracelife · 28/09/2021 22:27

You hzve zn accident at home and she won't tell 999 her name or yours or ho with the firefighter as the house burns down

You need to play out scenes some will be strangers she needs to talk to or even go with

Kindleswitchface · 28/09/2021 22:31

I trained my kids to tell people their address if they got lost by 5YO.

TinselTime21 · 28/09/2021 22:33

I told my ds when he was that age to go to the nearest shop if in the city and ask the till person for help or a security guard.

DD is 3 and I tell her not to talk to strangers. But that's as far as its got.

MyCatHatesWhiskas · 28/09/2021 22:50

Mine has been told that if he gets separated from me in a shop, he should go to the till and tell them he’s lost his mummy/daddy/grownup. They will then use the tannoy so we know where to find him. The tannoy is cool enough that I hope he might remember.Grin

If he can’t find the till, he should look for a mummy or a daddy with a pushchair and tell them. They will help him find the till. (On the grounds that anyone with multiple kids in tow is unlikely to be an abductor unless the Pied Piper is real…).

I feel like I need to be emphasising more that he shouldn’t go anywhere with anyone he doesn’t know, but I don’t want to frighten him.

Original poster
talkalarm · 28/09/2021 23:29

Thanks everyone. Just to say, when I say stranger danger it was just an easy way of explaining what I meant. I know most people are abused by people closest to them but we don't really have anyone that close to us

I've told him if he's lost or worried
And I'm not there that he should find a woman for help but he questioned why a woman and I wasn't sure what I should say and stumbled something about women being more organised and able to help..

He knows his, mine and DH full name and can describe us.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 28/09/2021 23:40

I told my dc at that age that there would always be a grown up who was looking after them - mum, dad, gp, childminder, teacher etc. And they should never go with anyone else without checking with the person who is looking after them. I also told them that if sometime tries to hurt you or take you somewhere you are allowed to fight back - bite scream etc.

Original poster
talkalarm · 29/09/2021 00:00

And what when they ask follow up questions because DS will (why would some one hurt me? How would they hurt me? Etc)

OP posts:
KloppsTeeth · 29/09/2021 00:53

I told mine when they were that age that because they are so lovely and special, sometimes someone might see them and want to take them away to join their family instead of ours and we would all be sad. So they must never go off anywhere with anyone without checking with us.
Also pantsosaurus song.

emsmum79 · 29/09/2021 07:43

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.scarymommy.com/tricky-people-better-approach-than-stranger-danger/%3Famp%3D1&ved=2ahUKEwixoaOJyqPzAhUkmVwKHRGyATYQFnoECAMQAQ&usg=AOvVaw2QBCr1fEghSzgoM3UpI5-t&ampcf=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.scarymommy.com/tricky-people-better-approach-than-stranger-danger/%3Famp%3D1&ved=2ahUKEwixoaOJyqPzAhUkmVwKHRGyATYQFnoECAMQAQ&usg=AOvVaw2QBCr1fEghSzgoM3UpI5-t&ampcf=1

I thought this was very good advice. It's taking away the 'stranger' aspect as some strangers are needed and helpful, and teaches about 'tricky people' instead.

reluctantbrit · 29/09/2021 08:12

We went the "acceptable strangers" route. So go into a shop and look for someone at the till. She also knew that in some shops people wear a uniform and she could go to them (Sainsbury and Waitrose are our normal supermarkets and DD could identify the staff).

Do not accept gifts and sweets from someone you don't know unless the adult in charge tells you it is ok.

She was trained to know my mobile number and our address (it was actually something the school did as well in Y1 and I know the Beavers group she volunteers with does this at that age as well).

When she had a bag with her on a day out we had one of DH's business cards in it. It is mainly for cases where she wouldn't be able to talk.

Original poster
talkalarm · 29/09/2021 08:29

Thanks everyone, some good ideas here.

What do you tell kids as to why private parts are private? I can't seem to strike the right balance (and he's asking)

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 29/09/2021 08:53

We had talks about friends and strangers etc, about different types.

e.g. We spend lots of time with X's Mummy so if she offers you food or collects you from school that's OK. But even though I chat to Y's Mummy in the playground we don't see her 'out of school' so she isn't so close.

And although Jim comes into the house to paint it, he isn't someone we spend time with otherwise so he isn't someone you should go off with either.

BigRedBoat · 29/09/2021 08:58

I've said most people are kind and helpful but there are some bad people who wouldn't keep her safe. She must never go off with someone and if she gets lost she should find someone who works at the place we're at or a lady with children. She knows her address and my full name (although she is a bit older than your ds). We've also talked about good secrets and bad secrets and private parts are private.

GreatPotato · 29/09/2021 09:06

Stranger danger isn't generally taught anymore. How many times would your child need to meet e.g. a neighbour or a shop assistant or the leader at a play group before they're no longer a stranger?

He needs to know never to go anywhere without the permission of certain named adults. (Mum, Dad, Grandma)

AliceMcK · 29/09/2021 12:33

@Embracelife your just picking for arguments. Of course we play out scenarios, if I wrote every scenario we do down I’d be here all day. If my child is hurt and need treatment then there is a 99% chance an appropriate adult will be with them. If not then all a paramedic will care about is that they can communicate rather than what they communicate. Same with police, if they are lost and my child dose not tell them their name what difference dose it make as I will be bloody looking for them 🙄

And just because someone is a police officer, paramedic or firefighter dose not exclude them from being child abusers or a danger, surely you’ve learnt that over the last couple of months by watching the news.

qazxc · 29/09/2021 12:57

I generally lump it in with rules DD has to follow when going places.
for example playground rules are :
Stay in playground, do not leave without mummy
don't go up the slide, stand at the bottom of the slide
Don't eat/ drink anything offered to you unless Mummy says it's ok.
etc, etc,...
Shop rules are:
Stay close to Mummy
Look with your eyes not your hands
No crying or whinging
Park rules:
Stay where Mummy can see you/you can see Mummy (or designated area).
No stroking/ going up to dogs unless owner says it's ok.
Do not take any treats unless Mummy says it's ok.

I generally remind of rules, before we enter Playground/shop/park.
I don't really make it about strangers being dangerous more that I don't want her to get lost, need to keep her safe (away from cars, the river, .....)

HeyFloof · 29/09/2021 14:37

He knows (or I hope I've drilled it enough that he knows) not to go off anywhere and expecially not without an adult who he arrived with. He knows his address and mine and DH's full name. He knows he's in charge of his body but that things like wiping bums or cleaning teeth are only for adults that we trust to do.

I've also taught him how to phone people (including 999) using our Alexa. He knows he's only to ask for in an emergency but he practices by calling my Dad Grin.

Namechangedzzz · 29/09/2021 15:00

I call them naughty men and naughty ladies (not stranger danger) because some abuse is by people you know. We did the nspcc pantosaurus, also talk about swimsuits cover private parts, know the real names for things and talked about no secrets from mummy and daddy. As long as one of us know it is fine so covered if dh would ever buy me a surprise present. We also talked about which scenarios i.e. you being taken or feel uncomfortable or being touched etc that it would be ok to scream/hit etc.