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Original poster

School mum with body odour- wwyd?

73 replies

ImFree2doasiwant · 28/09/2021 22:02

New school mum has really really bad body odour. I dont mean a bit whiffy, but can be smelt from across the car park, it is unbearable to stand in line near to her. I work with homeless people and have never come across anything this bad.

Lots of people mentioning it to each other which I don't feel comfortable with, but equally I can see why. I have been told that her child also smells. Sad

What would you do? Anything? On one hand I can't understand how she doesn't know. On the other, the conversations have made me feel bad for her and her DC, its akin to playground bullying.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImFree2doasiwant · 29/09/2021 00:03

Thanks though for the opinions I won't say anything and will try to shut the gossip down. The teachers will have noticed if the child smells/has any other issues. They will also have noticed the mum smelling.

OP posts:
TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 29/09/2021 00:42

One of our school Mums was turning up at the school without a shower and was not cleaning her teeth. She was experiencing awful DV at home and being denied basic stuff by her ‘DH’.
You have no idea what is going on in her life and she may need support, not whispers or judgment.

Bobsyer · 29/09/2021 00:55

@TherebytheGraceofGodgoI yes she might.

But how is anyone supposed to offer support if the issue is not addressed?

I’m not saying you should OP.

Anordinarymum · 29/09/2021 01:00

Years ago when my children were babies, there was a woman at the playgroup who looked really scruffy and her child looked the same.

The other women made comments about her. It was unpleasant. She was having a baby and I had just had my second baby. I had lots of maternity clothes so I decided to be proactive and offered her the use of them and she accepted.

I saw her in the clothes. She looked great.
She had the baby and I got pregnant again. i asked her if she had finished with them and she said yes and gave them back.

They were stained and smelly and so badly worn that I had to bin them and buy more.

Sometimes it's easier just to do nothing.

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 29/09/2021 01:04

@Bobsyer well the first step would be a friendly hello and a chat. At the moment she is the new Mum on the block. That must be pretty daunting for her for a start, not only that but it appears that everyone is avoiding her and whispering about her.

Bellyups · 29/09/2021 01:06

I wouldn’t say anything…however I can totally understand people not wanting to be near her, or to send a child round for a play date.

It may be due to bad personal hygiene, or a medical issue that can’t be helped. Either way, socially, we are sometimes repelled by someone who smells that badly.
I personally avoid someone who smells bad because quite frankly it makes me feel sick. I can’t help it. I’m not being mean to them, and I would never tell them this.
If it is due to bad personal hygiene, and not a medical condition, I think it’s anti-social and unhealthy.
People shouldn’t be talking about her, but that’s the society we live in. People are probably repulsed, and wary for health reasons

Badlytornfrube · 29/09/2021 14:35

Is the school in Berkshire?

CottonSock · 29/09/2021 14:39

I knew someone with an odour. It smelt like a skunk if you have ever smelt one in a zoo or Northern America. It was very strong.

CanICelebrate · 29/09/2021 14:43

Your attempt to come across as concerned is quite weak. The parents sound really mean and I really couldn’t imagine the parents at any of my dc’s schools talking about someone like that.

FWBNC · 29/09/2021 14:52

I'm swimming against the tide, I know, but if it was me, I'd rather someone said something to me (privately of course). I think it's quite possible to immune to the smell if you're the one making it. I also have a friend who has no sense of smell (after a car accident) and she always tells me to promise to let her know if she/her house/kids smell or if her perfume is horrible etc

I think the best thing to do would be to speak to someone in the school and let them address it, she's not going to settle in at the school if no one will make friends with them

ShoppingBasket · 29/09/2021 14:55

Are you sure it's body odour and not damp musty clothes?

SuperStarRose · 29/09/2021 15:19

Years ago at work one of my good friends there had bad BO at times. I was asked to tell her as she wouldn't get upset by me telling her. I was mortified but did bring it up with her and she listened and started wearing anti perspirant and no longer smelt of BO

SuperStarRose · 29/09/2021 15:19

And we stayed friends. She was embarrassed that people had noticed she smelled quite a bit actually

Staffy1 · 29/09/2021 15:23

Can’t imagine being able to smell someone from across a car park. Even an old, homeless man I used to come across who smelt pretty bad couldn’t be smelt until he was within a few meters.

Biscuits1 · 29/09/2021 15:49

Having worked in a school, I would say this could be a safeguarding issue. It isn't your place to say anything but I would definitely make the school aware and what was said about the child smelling too. Too many people would sooner do nothing, but smelling so bad is not normal. Home life could be terrible for all we know and this is a red flag.

JustGiveMeGin · 29/09/2021 16:56

All of these people saying you couldn't imagine parents at your child's school reacting like that to terrible body odour....really? I call bollocks.
If someone smells that rotten that they can be smelled outdoors of course people are going to bloody mention it.
Society runs on social norms, smelling that bad is not normal. On the very, very rare occasion it is caused by a medical condition it is of course very sad for the person dealing with it.
If the child smells the same OP I would be mentioning it to school, if it is medical no action will be taken, if not hopefully they will all get some help.

gailplattshairbrush · 29/09/2021 17:07

I'm confused as to what you think you can possibly do in this situation? Surely you do nothing.

I wouldn't engage with any of the vile bitching but I wouldn't be falling over myself to tell the poor woman she stinks either. Why? Because it's really none of my business.

I once worked with a man who had offensive BO and because it was such a tiny office that other people had to use it did eventually end up getting mentioned to him by someone more senior. In this case, you are standing in an outdoor space with her for 5 minutes a day so it's hardly affecting you or anyone else. Therefore no action necessary.

Original poster
ImFree2doasiwant · 29/09/2021 18:37

@Badlytornfrube not Berkshire.

@Biscuits1 I might bring it up with the school. I really don't like the idea if speaking to the mum about it myself. As has been pointed out, there could be 1 of any number if reasons behind it.

@ShoppingBasket definitely body odour.

@JustGiveMeGin thank you for your comment. I have tried to explain, its not just a bit if a whiff (which I can't imagine people commenting about) . You can't collect your chikd from this school and not notice it. Standing close by was uncomfortable . People on this thread clear don't believe what I'm saying, and I did say upthread, I'd be hard pushed to believe it too I I hadn't experienced it.

Those who think I'm somehow feigning concern, or am mean, honestly, think what you like. I havent been bitching about the woman at all, here or in person.

OP posts:
DaisyWaldron · 29/09/2021 18:42

I had a teacher at my secondary school with terrible body odour. The whole block she taught in smelled bad and you could smell her approaching before you could see her. I just assumed it was a medical condition, and left it at that.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2021 19:17

The school won’t talk to her about her odour. It will be noted if there are other safeguarding concerns. The options are to ignore it or talk to her.

Katkinsgreyy · 29/09/2021 19:19

It's not a nice situation.
I personally don't think I would say anything. Although if it were me, would I want someone to tell me? I probably would. I'm not sure!

I worked with someone who used to smell bad. It was almost like a smell from down below! Also it didn't help that she was a smoker so the smell of stale smoke was always lingering on her clothes.

mytortoiseisill · 29/09/2021 19:24

I feel so sorry for them both
I hope there is a support group for the condition if that’s what it is
www.nhs.uk/conditions/trimethylaminuria/

mytortoiseisill · 29/09/2021 19:27

God life is cruel
www.rareconnect.org/en/community/trimethylaminuria/stories

drpet49 · 29/09/2021 19:44

* Having worked in a school, I would say this could be a safeguarding issue. It isn't your place to say anything but I would definitely make the school aware and what was said about the child smelling too. Too many people would sooner do nothing, but smelling so bad is not normal. Home life could be terrible for all we know and this is a red flag.*

^This. I would speak to the school about the child. Children smelling like that is not normal.

starfish4 · 29/09/2021 20:30

I was going to ask, are you sure it's body odour? As mentioned above some people have to work in smelly environments which the rest of us wouldn't even comtemplate. Either way, I wouldn't say anything, I'd just keep my distance as much as possible.