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Original poster

Elopement with laid back party same day in evening???

42 replies

Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 16:39

Hi everyone, me and OH would like elope to a sentimental area to us, it’s about 2 hours away from our city.

There isn’t much there in the way of receptions and we don’t want to put anyone through the hassle of journey time then extra journey time to a reception venue which would likely be another hour of transport from ceremony. Most people have young kids, babies, some guests are elderly.

We are thinking of the idea of having the party/reception in our city on the evening of our elopement, is this a good/acceptable idea?

Me and OH would get wed, and then travel back to where we live.
We want something really laid back for the party, buffet/trucks style and it would leave us with enough to have an free bar (at least for a good part of the evening).

Honestly would not expect anyone to provide gifts just to enjoy themselves.

Has anyone heard of this/dine something similar? Been to a wedding similar?

Is it better to have it the day after? Week after etc?
Thanks everyone :)

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/09/2021 16:44

If you are eloping with no guests invited to the wedding I wouldn’t have a party after. The wedding is about the vows and no one will be seeing that.

Whatwaswrongwiththatusername · 26/09/2021 16:46

Disclaimer: not married (long term relationship [, hoping to have civil partnership ceremony at some point [opp sex, just don't want trad marriage], with no fuss).
I personally think this sounds like a good idea. I can't see how anyone would object to same day, is that what you're concerned about, because they weren't at the actual ceremony? If we were going to celebrate our civil partnership we'd not want the fuss of a ceremony either, probably only our adult children present, so if we were going to have anything after it would only be maybe a meal, but I think that if you want a 'party' - which this sounds like, in a sense that you're not expecting presents etc, just want to share the celebration with friends and family - then I really can't see those closest to you, ie the ones you will invite, objecting to it all!

Whatwaswrongwiththatusername · 26/09/2021 16:48

Souse bad formatting above, tried to move some text around but messed it up. Meant to,add I think I'd have the opposite problem, that my family would probably be more offended that we didn't celebrate it at some point after, but we just don't want a big party or anything.

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Weddings
westcountryboy · 26/09/2021 16:51

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

If you are eloping with no guests invited to the wedding I wouldn’t have a party after. The wedding is about the vows and no one will be seeing that.
I disagree. I'd be totally fine with this as a guest and would want to celebrate with my friends/family.

@Samuraisammy food trucks or casual buffet sounds good. Don't feel too much pressure to provide endless free booze, I've honestly never minded paying for drinks and always expect to.

Twizbe · 26/09/2021 16:51

Where are you? I ask because will your elopement be legal? It sounds like a nice idea but in the UK you'd need at least 2 witnesses.

Other than that, it's fine to host a party to celebrate your marriage as long as everyone knows they won't see you actually get married.

Ragwort · 26/09/2021 16:58

I think it's fine, but wouldn't exactly call it an 'elopement' .. just a quiet, private wedding. Do you even need to tell people it's a 'wedding celebration' can you just call it a 'party'.

Gerwurtztraminer · 26/09/2021 17:14

Some close friends did this - properly eloped with no warning to anyone and had strangers as witnesses. The marriage was then announced and party/wedding celebration held a few weeks later.

A workmate's son & girlfriend did something similar. Evening party was billed as an engagement so loads of people turned up and discovered on arrival they were married. On same day parents and siblings were invited for lunch (somewhere posh so expected to dress up) and got here to find it was a surprise wedding. It did mean many people who lived further afield or abroad didn't go to the party of course, as there was less incentive than for a wedding.

Do what you want and makes you happy. In both cases above it worked well and everyone enjoyed it, no family angst or months of planning. Cheaper too.

GreatPotato · 26/09/2021 17:28

I don't think you're eloping if you tell everyone in advance that's what you're doing and presumably you'll have to if you want them at a party that evening.

I think a party after the event would be lovely, but call it that, a party to celebrate your wedding, rather than a wedding reception. And don't talk about eloping, you're not and it will make you seem ridiculous.

GreatPotato · 26/09/2021 17:29

elope

run away secretly in order to get married.

MaverickDanger · 26/09/2021 17:31

A handful of people saw our actual vows but 60 of our closest family and friends saw us get married & celebrated with us.

I don’t agree that the legal aspect is necessarily the most important, it wasn’t to me, but celebrating in an appropriate venue with those I loved most was.

Lulu1919 · 26/09/2021 17:32

Isn't eloping meant to be a secret ?

If so ....it can't be a secret as how would your evening party guests know ?

Sorry missing the point

SuperSange · 26/09/2021 17:40

We eloped and sent the invitations out the day we got married for a reception a month later. Could that work? It's not eloping if you tell people.

RandomMess · 26/09/2021 17:46

You could have a party and say it's for some other reason then tell them you just get married at the party.

Original poster
Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 17:53

Wow thank you to all the Mumsnet gods, just working through all replies :o)

@Gerwurtztraminer when you said they celebrated a few weeks later, can you remember how much later? Everyone we know seems to have things/weekends booked 4 plus weeks in advance!

OP posts:
Original poster
Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 17:55

@SuperSange That’s great to hear it worked out well doing the celebration later on, did you find that everyone could still make it with a months ‘notice’?

OP posts:
SuperSange · 26/09/2021 17:57

[quote Samuraisammy]@SuperSange That’s great to hear it worked out well doing the celebration later on, did you find that everyone could still make it with a months ‘notice’?[/quote]
Yes, we had about 90 people and only 4-5 couldn't make it. This was end of September.

Jessicabrassica · 26/09/2021 18:03

We had friends who got married overseas and just had a reception a few weeks after they got back.

We also have friends who wanted to exchange their vows in a place special to them. Since the location wasn't licensed they nipped off to the registry office first thing to make it legal and then came back to their special place, and got married the way they wanted to with about 30 people in attendance.

I think separating the legals and the celebration is perfectly reasonable but doing a secret wedding i.e. eloping and then having a party in the evening is unreasonable if people don't know why they're invited. Personally I'd make more effort to attend a wedding reception but probably couldn't be bothered to go to just a party

Original poster
Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 18:16

@SuperSange That’s a positive turn out! Thanks for replying

@Jessicabrassica Thanks for taking the time to reply - what do you define as the difference between a wedding party or reception? Just confused as you said your friends got married then a reception a few weeks when back so would this not be defined as a party too?
Not trying to be confrontational, just wondering as we don’t want to go out of my way to offend any guests ourselves.

OP posts:
MaverickDanger · 26/09/2021 18:20

Our celebration was over a year after our legal wedding.

trevthecat · 26/09/2021 18:27

We dis similar. We eloped in another city and then 6 weeks later had the party, would of been sooner but covid restrictions meant it made sense to wait. We had a evening party, live music and food. Everyone said they had a good time

Original poster
Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 18:38

@MaverickDanger Thanks for replying :)

@trevthecat we don’t know anyone who has done this ourselves so glad it went well. When you say you would have done it sooner how much sooner? Or would you say the 6 weeks actually worked out well?

OP posts:
BanTheMLMScam · 26/09/2021 18:39

My friend is getting married next year. She's having a small wedding on the Saturday (immediate family only) followed by a small meal and the following Saturday having a Happy Ever- 'after party' in the evening. Apparently it has worked out so much cheaper than having a full day wedding and reception.

Gerwurtztraminer · 26/09/2021 18:42

@Samuraisammy. About 6-8 weeks, they got married on New Year's Eve and sent everyone messages and emails straight afterwards to announce it and with a "hold the date, invitations to follow". for a date in February. So people had time to prepare/book accommodation/ get babysitters etc.

Luckily they had no close family or friends overseas to offend with a short notice invitation, which could be a bit of an issue for some people.

GreyhoundG1rl · 26/09/2021 18:44

How are you planning to word the invitations?! This is not an elopement.

Noeuf · 26/09/2021 18:48

I don’t think you are eloping really, just having a small wedding and larger celebration. We got married on a Friday with two witnesses and invited everyone to the ‘reception’ the next day (invited in advance).
Caused a lot of bad feeling on one side who were very aggrieved not to have been invited to the wedding and some uncomfortable displays/ behaviour on the Saturday.

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