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Original poster

Elopement with laid back party same day in evening???

42 replies

Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 16:39

Hi everyone, me and OH would like elope to a sentimental area to us, it’s about 2 hours away from our city.

There isn’t much there in the way of receptions and we don’t want to put anyone through the hassle of journey time then extra journey time to a reception venue which would likely be another hour of transport from ceremony. Most people have young kids, babies, some guests are elderly.

We are thinking of the idea of having the party/reception in our city on the evening of our elopement, is this a good/acceptable idea?

Me and OH would get wed, and then travel back to where we live.
We want something really laid back for the party, buffet/trucks style and it would leave us with enough to have an free bar (at least for a good part of the evening).

Honestly would not expect anyone to provide gifts just to enjoy themselves.

Has anyone heard of this/dine something similar? Been to a wedding similar?

Is it better to have it the day after? Week after etc?
Thanks everyone :)

OP posts:
trevthecat · 26/09/2021 18:51

6 weeks worked out well, we had only told parents we were getting married so it gave everyone else lots of notice. I also feel it was so much more relaxed than a traditional wedding because we were already married, not nervous, didn't do speeches, cake cutting etc. Was really laid back

Flittingaboutagain · 26/09/2021 19:04

I'm doing this OP. Having a morning wedding with just two witnesses in a month then going to message about 20 people on the day to say if you're free come along to the pub for lunch. Pub are fine with this. Having a party a month later with a band and will be inviting people shortly.

Original poster
Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 19:23

@Noeuf I guess not I suppose it’s just the two of us so the word elopement springs to mind, thanks for taking time to reply and sharing your story. This is one of our concerns with ill feeling, as some relatives will just look for negatives even without trying - I’d say they’d be more angry with being asked to travel around but you just can’t win with some!

@trevthecat Thanks so much for replying, it seems like a really good amount of time really as when talking to a lot of families they always seem to have things planned up to 4 weeks in advance x

@Flittingaboutagain thanks for replying :) are you telling immediate family in advance for the pub lunch - parents/siblings to make sure they can make it? My OH parents especially are quite busy and I think they would never forgive us if it clashed at short notice. Is there anyway you’re working around this kind of thing? Love this idea as it still means you can share part of your wedding day :)

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Noeuf · 26/09/2021 19:29

Yes, I think they felt hurt whereas we felt the vows were for us really. We did have a lovely party I just wish that hadn’t been an issue. Not sure really - someone would have had to compromise (is invite them / them accept it).

LookieLikie · 26/09/2021 19:32

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Magstermay · 26/09/2021 19:47

I agree it’s more a small wedding and celebration later. Wouldn’t bother me at all not attending the actual wedding and I know people who’ve got married then had the main reception a day or week later.
From your point of view though if your venue is 2 hrs away would it not be rather rushed to do that and properly enjoy it then get back for the reception? Might be more relaxing for you if kept separate.

Original poster
Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 19:59

@Noeuf It”s a shame how some people behave during what’s a special time, personally sounds like you did the right thing keeping it separate as if drama was caused just by that most likely would have been more in store for a full day wedding.

@LookieLikie Thank you for your lovely reply. It’s just other friends/families odd comments in the past putting me off. One relative once remarked a wedding she went to wasn’t a proper wedding because it had no ‘sit down wedding breakfast’. Just unsure if a private ceremony with OH is just going to make some guests be even more awkward with us than a traditional full day wedding!

@Magstermay Thanks for replying that’s nice to know you know of others and it worked. I wouldn’t be miffed off either, but you do get the odd ones looking for drama. I’m a bit apprehensive about anyone making us feel like it isn’t a proper wedding, because we don’t have a full day with everyone, any nonsense like that.
I am with you with the back and fourth on the day, I guess we just thought we would be on a high from it and already in the clothes ready to party ha! I know that sounds a bit daft!

OP posts:
Noeuf · 26/09/2021 20:21

I’d much prefer to attend a wedding reception / party/ celebration unless I was really invested in the couple (dd or something). We did have a cake and pretty dresses for kids who wanted jobs to do (showing people where drinks were/ running around handing out napkins/general chaos). I think if you tell them all that’s the plan you’ll be fine.

drpet49 · 26/09/2021 20:29

One of my friends did this. No one really bothered going to the “reception”.

drpet49 · 26/09/2021 20:30

* I’m a bit apprehensive about anyone making us feel like it isn’t a proper wedding, because we don’t have a full day with everyone, any nonsense like that.*

^But it isn’t a proper wedding is it.

Original poster
Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 20:40

@drpet49 I’m aware of that, I’d never class it as that myself. I just wouldn’t welcome any negativity by which anyone wants to downplay our vows/ceremony by trying to make imply it isn’t genuine or special enough because it’s not a full blown wedding day. (Nothing wring with those either).

@Noeuf Thanks for your honesty, quite a balancing act it’s going to be I think...

OP posts:
Original poster
Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 20:40

*wrong

OP posts:
Noeuf · 26/09/2021 20:49

I’ve just remembered a friend did this recently. Their venue only held 20 people so they did that then came to the reception - was totally fine, she looked amazing, we ate cake and danced and drank loads and they did a mini speech.
At ours, everyone invited came - we sent invitations to the reception, had a buffet and drinks, and entertainment etc. It was lovely aside from the hurt feelings and I wonder if we could have better handled that rather than assuming they would be ok.

Original poster
Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 21:07

@Noeuf Did your friends have twenty people at the ceremony or just the bride and groom and couldn’t have everyone because of the 20 limit? I wouldn’t be hard on yourself, I think people look for problems in non problems especially weddings, it’s not like you chose to not celebrate at all. I think it’s lovely you kept it just you both. I’m very introverted and awkward, it would just set me up with feeling uncomfortable to have so many in a room and I think it’s sad that what is more meaningful or more comfortable for the couple often gets overlooked.

OP posts:
Noeuf · 26/09/2021 21:09

Hi yes they did - we didn’t feel slighted or weird, just happy to turn up and join the party really.

Original poster
Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 21:17

@Noeuf That’s good to hear how you felt as a guest, I’d be the same! Hopefully others would be as accommodating.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 26/09/2021 21:20

I think it sounds lovely and super relaxed compared to the average wedding. I'd love to be a guest at a wedding like this.

It may not be an elopement in the purest sense but I think the feel of running away to get married would be there, v romantic. Have a wonderful day.

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