Once you are all adults, how do you do Xmas presents?

[StillMedusa]

I have four children. 3 are now married/ long term partners. Plus my Mum, brother and his wife.
I usually host every Christmas.. not a problem, I enjoy it.
However Christmas has become very expensive re present giving and a bit ridiculous (and stressful!)
Last year we made a list and allocated each person two people to buy for. But as we all have different interests and live all over the UK (plus two abroad) it's tricky.
I still do stockings for them ALL.
I can't keep doing this indefinitely! Plus there is now a (gorgeous) grandchild...
I'm thinking of suggesting we each get one person, and do a stocking for them with a max £50 limit each and then anyone can buy for their partners (and I'll buy for the unattached child as he is never going to have a partner due to special needs)

Any other suggestions gratefully received! I enjoy thinking of nice gifts, but the reality as a poorly paid TA is that I can't afford to keep doing it!

DHis one of four and his family had been giving to just one person for years. Your £50 limit is generous by their standards, his parents spend about £25.

We’re very scattered as well and tbh, DH and I wouldn’t mind ending it now as we have our own family and can’t see much of his siblings, especially since the pandemic. No bad feeling, we’re just too scattered. We’ve got one of his sisters and her DH this year-they live a six-hour plane ride from us. We don’t really know what they’re into right now, but we’ll do our best!🤣

I have a lot of siblings and we have been doing Kris Kindle among us for years, as partners have been added to the family they can join or not bother, up to them.
We usually all(siblings) go in together for my parents and get them something they ask for.
I introduced the Kris Kindle to my in-laws, some are happier about it then others
Children I buy for I take a steer from parents, some want toys, some activities, some clothes.
I don't mind what is asked for, just don't want to be buying unwanted presents that won't be used as it's so wasteful.

I can't cope with Christmas any more but my siblings won't hear of one gift or only kids etc. They get small things but I can't help spend at least £15 each on everyone so it becomes too much.

Between us we have
2 sets of parents
2 Nans
2 aunties
Partner
Dd
3 siblings
1 sibling partner
8 nephews and nieces
1 of which has a partner

It's far far too much

Some years ago my DM organised that siblings and partners would not buy for other siblings and partners, except for one unmarried childless brother. We all buy for nieces and nephews. DC give a present to Granny. It's such a relief, saves time, energy and money for us all . One SIL had been getting us the most utterly useless presents - Christmas socks and a twee calendar for me every single year. I worked in a large financial institution and had access to any number of free calendars with great artwork if I wanted. I eventually had 6 pairs of unworn Christmas socks which went to the charity shop. I should have had the balls to re-gift them to her.

I suggested to DH that we would do the same with his side of the family. Now, I'm the bitch that tried to kill Christmas, they were horrified. Oddly, they will comment that the gifts from DH (picked and bought by me) are much better since he got married. But I resent the time and effort in buying presents for adults. I hate to see money wasted so I will put a lot of thought into their presents. They don't return the favour, a lot of crap goes to the charity shop. Guys, if you're reading this, I love you all and I'm really not that hard to buy a present for, just get me a small book-token or theatre token and I will be delighted with it, get it again next year and the following year and my happiness will increase. Don't buy me a book, never, ever, you have no clue what I like to read. I hate opening presents as I'm afraid my fake smile of delight will fail utterly. My heart just sinks when I see big boxes/bags arriving, I know it's the thought that counts, and I keep thinking no thought goes into my present, I would actually prefer to get nothing.

We do Bad Santa’ Kris Kringle for the adults:
This one takes a bit more preparation but can leave your party group in stitches. Everyone in the game brings a versatile (or we do silly and must be under $50) kris kringle gift to the party. Once you’re all ready, place the gifts in the middle of your group and pick a number. Whoever gets number one gets to pick a present and unwrap it, and so on. The catch is that anyone who unwraps a present can steal a gift from the person before them. If family member number two decides they don’t like the present they’ve unwrapped, they can swap it for yours instead! Joke presents are a great way to get the game rolling here, and contested items are always the most fun. The higher the number you are, the more gifts you get to choose from!

I will take any unwanted socks etc

Gave up gifts way back and now am and live alone. The Gaeltacht gave us old wans a grand hamper last year and that was perfect. Also the supermarket manager sent a big tin of Heroes

Please; remember anyone old and alone at some time in the season? A little rthought is a true gift

We just do children/teenagers of both sides. No sibling adults except elderly one (parent). I get a box chocolates or wine for sister and partner who has no kids as she is really generous with my dc. She is hoping to have kids soon so would obv get for any child she has. It just got silly after a bit all buying for adults.

We dropped presents for/between adults and instead put money towards meals, drinks, trips out - basically we are spending money on spending time together instead of buying "things". We buy for the kids in the family but under the guidance of no "pointless" gifts, as we are all environmentally minded.

We do charity goats on my side and DH's side have been reducing over the years so it's now just one gift each fortunately.

At our adults only Christmas we did one person buys for one person, names out of a hat.

One year we set the rule that all shopping had to be done at a charity shop. It made it fun.

Our immediate family has sadly shrunk over recent years. We just buy for my 2 local childless DBs and I send money to DN and DN in the USA.

We have a large wider family but I will just pick something small up (flowers, chocs etc) if we are seeing them near Christmas or pass on something edible and homemade.

@DappledThings

We do charity goats on my side and DH's side have been reducing over the years so it's now just one gift each fortunately.

You must have a farmload by now

We all have an Amazon wish list and it’s up to each person how much they spend on each person. We all put a mixture of different priced items (ie £2 moisturiser, £50 shoes, £100 perfume) but it’s always things we would buy for ourselves/need so it feels like you’re setting yourself up well for a few months!

DH and I are having a weekend away so agreed not to do each other presents and DBIL has said he and girlfriend have bought a new house so would appreciate stuff for that, but don’t have much income so will give smaller gifts. Others have said that when their children were small too. It all works out.

Another friend and her family each receive a stocking - smaller gifts but it’s all a surprise.

We have me, DH, his four siblings and their partners, PIL and 9 nieces and nephews. For the older ones we usually all put in £10 and get them a large joint gift but it varies. I think we each prob spend £250 on gifts for the entire family on average.

Adults in our family have a secret Santa, managed by me and the limit is £20.
As the neice and nephews move into work they move to the adult group. The kids are divided between the adults and also get one family present worth£20.
Works well
It's your stockings that will be the killer as that really adds up. They are my kids favourite but once they have left home/ settled with partners, they can organise stockings between them!!

We don’t. Just buy for kids and parents.

We only buy presents for children up to 18 years. We do not bother at all with the adults in other families. Just buy for our own partners as you would expect.

We do secret santa for the adults with a £50 limit and just buy for the kids. It works well and we each get one nice, well thought out present.

Secret Santa here too amongst the adults. £40 limit. So much cheaper than it used to be! SIL is Santa's Little Helper and organises the who buys for who draw and is also the conduit for gift ideas or requests for help.

I’m one of 3 grown up siblings, me and my brother are both moved out with partners and children and my sister still lives at home but is only 18.

My mum does presents for 18yo DS (not as many as when we were kids) - and we get a hamper from my mum that usually themed, last year was waffles so we both had a waffles maker, DB got lots of American style waffles toppings, I had chocolate based toppings. She also included a book, some posh snacks/nibbles and a bottle of our favourite booze each. She always does a great job of choosing things both me and DP enjoy and things we actually get use of.

In our family we just buy for children. I'll get my parents something small and they get me something small but I'd rather they spend the money on DS.

We buy for our own parents, children, and grandchildren. I usually give DSis something for her birthday as she’s on her own, or take her out to lunch.

Two secret Santas, one for the adults and one for kids (cousins) to buy for each other. Wish DH’s side would take it up! Has been working well for a few years now. We use an online generator to organise it all

It's secret Santa and we buy for one person with a £25 limit.

I love Christmas but don’t spend high amounts on gift giving. I used to be on very low wages with debt too. I have more income and no debt these days but quite a few family and friends to buy for. I don’t see why Christmas has to be about expensive gifts. I love searching for thoughtful more individual items with a smaller budget.

We don’t buy adults in our family if they have children as a general rule although I always end up Buying a token small gift for my siblings and spend £25 on nephews/nieces. They are adults but no kids yet. My dad gets a little more but maybe £30/40.

I have a few very close friends who I buy a gift for around £20. My godchildren get gifts too.

I know some families do secret Santa type gift giving which saves money.

I'm one of 6 adult children. We all have partners, 9 grandchildren.
My parent buy us practical gifts. Socks, a top, slippers, sometimes a bigger thing if we are in need, or little bits they've seen throughout the year that remind them of us.
The grandchildren get one present each £10-30 with smaller gifts too sometimes but that is mostly because it is enjoyable to buy for kids, it is not expected and second hand gifts for any of us are always welcomed.
Once my nan died our family drifted apart a bit, it is very very rare that we all gather at Christmas. In fact I have 4 children, and I would be amazed if 2 of my brothers even knew their names let alone ages. The other 2 brothers are very busy, one is a Royal Marine so that is understandable, the other makes plans to visit but never actually comes (he's rescheduled 3 times this week a visit that I knew wouldn't happen). And my sister is on the other side of the planet.
If we are seeing eachother on Christmas then we get a gift. Last year I got flaky brother a cookbook and his g/f a fancy gin and some snacks. They didn't show up, my mother passed them on months later. That kind of thing makes you wonder why you bother.