I give up am i entitled to any extra help?

[Makinganewthinghappen]

Dh and I have been struggling really badly for the last few years. We have three children who have special needs without going in to too much detail because i don't want to be recognized. But one has adhd and autism another autism - you get the idea.

About 5 years ago when the children were young dh and i both worked full time and we had a nanny to look after them, as they go older and the issues they had became more severe and noticeable the nanny quit, we tried other childcare arrangements with no success. It came to a head when the middle child started school and i was getting called home everyday to get her.

I ended up having to leave my job and a year after that the business as a whole collapsed. Dh now works full time for someone else and i have worked part time for myself at home.

School has been a total nightmare for us - none of the children are at a school currently but we are waiting to hear about a place potentially for one of them. She would be in year 7 now.

I have tried extremely hard to cope with this and keep working at least a little because dhs wage really isnt enough for all of us. But i cant do it anymore. I am making myself ill i want to stop all pretence that i can help support us at this point.

I know i can apply for some benefits for the kids - we get child benefit at the moment. Can anyone advise of any steps i can take to
Start asking for help here ?

We have been waiting months to hear about a school place for my 11 year old - i dont think the younger children would be going to
School any time soon though.

Feel free to abuse me for considering giving up on earning money its nothing i havent said to myself.

www.gov.uk/disability-living-allowance-children

Sorry this has / is happening to you

You should / could have been getting Disability living allowance for years.

I am printing the forms out tbh i didnt think they would qualify for dla to me they dont seem that bad we have a happy routine and home but when other people look after them i suppose the difficulties show up more.

Yep - Disability Living Allowance for the children, and carer's allowance for you. Same here - both DC autistic, one also has ADHD. Gave up paid work five years ago to be their full time carer - best move we ever made. I miss working so much, but I do some voluntary work which helps keep me vaguely sane, and it fits in around the DCs' needs. No abuse/flaming/judgement here - it's bloody hard work juggling work with DC who have SN, and we've all benefited from me being less stressed

@Makinganewthinghappen don’t print them out, ring up and then the dla would be backdated to the date you ring as long as you return on time. If one child gets awarded middle rate care you can also claim carers allowance.

There's an excellent guide to applying for DLA published by Cerebra, which helps when it's a neurological condition rather than a physical one. cerebra.org.uk/download/disability-living-allowance-dla-guide/ Can be hard filling in the forms - I cried a lot, felt like I was slagging off my children by going into so much details about their difficulties. Get some support filling the forms in if you can - CAB have benefits specialists who can help with this.

@Makinganewthinghappen I forgot to add this link , it’s really helpful guide to filling in the dla forms.
cerebra.org.uk/download/disability-living-allowance-dla-guide/

Feel free to abuse me for considering giving up on earning money its nothing i havent said to myself.

I don't have any advice but please don't beat yourself up this way- and don't let anyone else either! It sounds like a really tough situation that you're in and I hope you get the financial support you need (and sounds like are entitled to) and can be a bit less harsh on yourself. Take care. X

DLA is for if they need more care than other kids of their age - which sounds like the case for you. Do you have letters from professionals involved with them? Any paperwork from schools struggling with them? The more written evidence you have, the better - and send it all in with your first application.

DWP are known for turning deserving people down. So if they say no, please don't give up, take it to tribunal as they do listen and generally make fair decisions.

If you can't work at all, or very little, you can claim carers allowance if any of your children are awarded middle or high rate care.

Good luck.

Do not fill in the forms with the attitude that "they aren't that bad".

Describe exactly how their disabilities affect them.

The links above are excellent or try contacting CAB or your GP for advice on a charity that might be able to help you.

DWP are known for turning deserving people down. So if they say no, please don't give up, take it to tribunal as they do listen and generally make fair decisions
Best advice ever.

Do not be at all surprised if they say no at first because so many people give up then.

The DWP know this and are saving a fortune by doing this.

So many people who are turned down at first get money awarded after appeal.

DWP nice person here (34 years) ... you would be entitled to ;

DLA higher rate for both d c

Carers for you ..
universal credit depending on your income but with 2 disabled kids would have to pretty high not to be entitled.

PM me . I will help with the forms !!

Also ask for a referral to the disabled children's team at social services.

Our social worker was a godsend. She helped us access direct payments which enabled us to have respite.

There's also carers allowance if you get middle rate for the care component of DLA. This is a small amount but will help make up for the lack of wages.

DWP nice person here (34 years)
Sorry if I insinuated that DWP people weren't nice, I did not mean to.

The people are nice but working in a shit system.

Yep .. would agree with that ...

I have worked in DWP for 26 years. Am an absolute believer in the need for a welfare state. The 'system' is shit.. the undeserving scam everything and people like the OP do not get what they should !

Honestly. I know this stuff. Was a disability visiting officer for a decade . I can and will help. PM me x

I second social care assessments. An assessment by the disabled children's team for your DC and a carer's assessment for you.

As well as DLA and then carer's allowance, check if you are eligible for a Family Fund grant.

OP why aren't your DC in school? If you post what country you are in MN can help get them back in education.

Finknottlesnewt how can you post OP's DC should get high rate DLA? You don't know enough about their needs to make such an assertion.

@Finknottlesnewt

DWP nice person here (34 years) ... you would be entitled to ;

DLA higher rate for both d c

Carers for you ..
universal credit depending on your income but with 2 disabled kids would have to pretty high not to be entitled.

PM me . I will help with the forms !!

How do you know they would get higher level?

Ime it's not that predictable.
My dd (missing a hand) has received everything from middle to nothing, filling out the forms pretty consistently and her friends who are the same (and it is a disability that if fairly consistent what is needed for help. I find it surprising that for something like that they don't have "missing non dominant hand = one level, missing dominant hand = different level " etc, but it's clear they don't.

I don't think it's fair to state that they will get higher rate when you can't tell that from what is written.

Wow thanks everyone i will call up tomorrow and get them to send the forms. I have printed them to have a look as well -
I think the main child that i would feel would meet the criteria of needing extra help would be the 11 year old. She has asd and adhd we are also waiting for extra xrays and scans on her back and an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon as apparently there is some sort of issue with deformed spine (pieces?) but tbh that doesnt seem like a major thing. I think they said it was shuermans disease?

Dh has ankylosing spondylitis and so most physical care and even household is down to me these days as dhs back is like a steel rod now!

Gogo - yes i feel like i am moaning about them but then i realise its probably not normal to have spent 30 minutes tryung to convince a screaming 11 year old to let go of a loaf of bread

Boopeep - we have never really spoken to anyone about any kind of help, when the oldest was at school they were calling me in and asking me to pay for damage, but also they had to get a male member of staff to drag her in screaming and kicking and biting. We saw him drag her in physically and lock the doir then just leave her slamming herself against the door.

We went in picked her up and never went back.

Probably the wrong move, but we just didnt know.

What is your housing situation? It's possible you might be able to get help with paying rent.

Why not do a benefit check on Entitled To website. It doesn't take long. Even without a disability benefit (for now) you might be able to claim something.

We rent a flat at the moment i dont think we would qualify for housing benefit or anything. Dh is not on a high income but its not super low either - i think we are just average

Sending gin! Another offer of help here - I volunteer at CAB doing disability benefits and appeals - kind of feels like paying it back. Happy to help with yours if I can xx

High rate care DLA only applies if there are night time needs as well as daytime. So I agree I'm not sure how anyone could say that would apply based on information given.

MargaretThursday it wouldn't be possible to have a rigid set rate dependent on diagnosis as DLA is based on functional ability and help required rather than diagnosis. Using your example, 2 DC both missing their dominant hand may require different levels of help. And it could be possible for the child missing their non-dominant hand to require more help than the 2 DC mentioned in the previous sentence. However, there is a guide the DMs use as a starting point which categorises common conditions and the severity of DC's presentation.