I give up am i entitled to any extra help?

[Makinganewthinghappen]

Dh and I have been struggling really badly for the last few years. We have three children who have special needs without going in to too much detail because i don't want to be recognized. But one has adhd and autism another autism - you get the idea.

About 5 years ago when the children were young dh and i both worked full time and we had a nanny to look after them, as they go older and the issues they had became more severe and noticeable the nanny quit, we tried other childcare arrangements with no success. It came to a head when the middle child started school and i was getting called home everyday to get her.

I ended up having to leave my job and a year after that the business as a whole collapsed. Dh now works full time for someone else and i have worked part time for myself at home.

School has been a total nightmare for us - none of the children are at a school currently but we are waiting to hear about a place potentially for one of them. She would be in year 7 now.

I have tried extremely hard to cope with this and keep working at least a little because dhs wage really isnt enough for all of us. But i cant do it anymore. I am making myself ill i want to stop all pretence that i can help support us at this point.

I know i can apply for some benefits for the kids - we get child benefit at the moment. Can anyone advise of any steps i can take to
Start asking for help here ?

We have been waiting months to hear about a school place for my 11 year old - i dont think the younger children would be going to
School any time soon though.

Feel free to abuse me for considering giving up on earning money its nothing i havent said to myself.

The best advice is was given when filling in the DLA form was to think of the hardest days and use that information when completing the form.

DM me if you need any help.

And use the guide on the cerebra website. It is the best guide I have seen.

Disability Living Allowance

Short breaks- check local offer page on council website for details of what's available for children with SEN.

Social Care- get an assessment for what support and care they can provide.

If you've got children at home out of education and they have an EHCP ask the council to consider sending an SEN tutor to you until they have appropriate schools arranged.

@Finknottlesnewt

Yep .. would agree with that ...

I have worked in DWP for 26 years. Am an absolute believer in the need for a welfare state. The 'system' is shit.. the undeserving scam everything and people like the OP do not get what they should !

Honestly. I know this stuff. Was a disability visiting officer for a decade . I can and will help. PM me x

With your attitude you can see why some people have so much trouble getting an award, if this is how the award makers think.

MonstrousMayhem I agree for most conditions, but actually for the missing a hand it's consistent enough without other conditions to be able to put it in a category. It's also something that isn't going to change for the better-they'll never grow it. They may get worse (remaining limb tends to start having issues due to overuse as an adult) but is unlikely to get better.

Having done the forms on several occasions with little change between in what she needs help with, and got nothing, lower level and middle level (not in that order) I can only conclude that there is some randomness involved. Friends have had similar experiences.

A lot of conditions couldn't do this, I agree, but it would save time and effort if things like that could be done very quickly:
Missing non-dominate hand between elbow and wrist, age 15yo = lower level (or whatever), and quick to check, just confirm with GP

MargaretThursday oh yes, there's definitely an element of luck, and the length of many awards is ridiculous. What you describe in your last paragraph is how the DMs should use the guide I linked to as a starting point for common conditions.

Even with missing limbs though you do have to consider the functional differences between people. I know 2 DC - one missing their non dominant hand and the other with an above elbow amputation on their non dominant side. The DC with the missing hand has greater care needs than the DC with above elbow amputation.

The Cerebra guide is excellent and helped me realise just how much support my child needs. Look at the forms with all three children in mind, thinking about each of them at their worst - and all of the worst appearing on the same day.

I felt very tearful and a bit disloyal to my DD but at the same time wanted to be honest about how hard it is at times. I think you do get into a routine with your kids, and don’t always see how much you have to do that other parents don’t. Me still chasing and guiding my 10 year old through their morning routine, standing over them while they brush their teeth, helping fasten buttons and zips, etc etc is more than would be needed by most typical 10 year olds, but it just part of my routine with her so I wouldn’t necessarily see the additional care needed, if you see what I mean.

@Jellycatspyjamas I have a ten year old dd and could have written your post. It’s just becomes so normal you forget.

It really does @MyDcAreMarvel, you’re so busy getting on with it you just don’t realise how much care you need to provide to get the basics done. She’s my child and I love and accept her as she is, it’s not until I see her with other kids her age that I’m reminded just how delayed her development is.

While the DLA forms feel like a mountain to climb, they do act as a good reminder and can highlight areas you don’t think about, because you’re so used to your own routine with your kids.

@monstrousmayhem

I second social care assessments. An assessment by the disabled children's team for your DC and a carer's assessment for you.

As well as DLA and then carer's allowance, check if you are eligible for a Family Fund grant.

OP why aren't your DC in school? If you post what country you are in MN can help get them back in education.

Finknottlesnewt how can you post OP's DC should get high rate DLA? You don't know enough about their needs to make such an assertion.

Apologies for not replying earlier . Didn't any notification that a question was asked.

How can I be so sure ? Well in 20 odd years I've 'lost' an application . Sometimes it doesn't come out exactly as I have wanted and I have had to ask for a reconsideration. Occasionally this has also meant going through the appeal process . On two applications even to a tribunal..
But ultimately all have succeeded.

We get DLA for DS which helps a little. He has ADHD and is under assessment for ASD. I'm very lucky to have a term time only job, because I'm not sure I'd be able to work otherwise- there's no childcare here for 12 year olds with additional needs!

He 'only' gets the lower rate, so we're not entitled to carers allowance. But his DLA does mean that we get an extra disabled child element on our universal credit, which means we are entitled to a small amount of UC most months. I'd never considered that we might be entitled to UC until he was awarded DLA and we got a leaflet listing other benefits we could possibly claim. Of course now that the £20 UC uplift is stopping we will see more and more months where we don't get anything, unfortunately.

Finknottlesnewt Again, as others have also posted, you do not know enough about OP's DC's needs to claim they should get high rate care or high rate mobility.

HRC is for "help or supervision throughout both day and night, or they're terminally ill" yet OP has not posted about night needs, now that doesn't mean they don't have them, but OP doesn't mention them, so you can not conclude DC should get HRC no matter what your experience.

HRM covers a wider range of possible criteria e.g. unable to walk, virtually unable to walk, SMI criteria... but OP does not post enough about DC's needs for you to claim DC should receive this.

Why if you work for DWP would you be asking for a MR and appealing? Claimants do that. Of course you may have done this outside of your work capacity, but you only mention your work. BTW after asking for a MR appealing is going to Tribunal. Sometimes DWP concede prior to the hearing but in order to appeal a claimant still has to have submitted an appeal to the Tribunal service.