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Original poster

jealousy from friends

36 replies

Rainydayss · 20/09/2021 21:03

After a divorce and years of emotional abuse Im divorced and spent the last 3 years turning my life around. Ive been with a wonderful man for 18 months and also managed to build up my business to be successful.
My life has changed positively, I'm finally happy and able to enjoy life with nice things/holidays etc. (definitely not a stealth boast).
However some friends are very dismissive or barely acknowledge anything I have done. For example, I booked a holiday, one friend said 'nice' and that was it. If I was on the other foot Id be pleased for my friend and asks questions and be genuinely happy she is enjoying life. I know people have bad times (I've had more than enough) but am still happy to see others have good times.

I'm not looking for attention from friends, I just don't understand how people close to you prefer it if there is a drama and others are unhappy.

OP posts:

doitwithlove · 20/09/2021 21:08

The friends that are not happy for you are more than likely jealous, slowly drop those fools off your friend list

ComtesseDeSpair · 20/09/2021 21:17

I’m happy for my friends’ successes and achievements and they mine; but I can’t think that my response to one of them having booked a holiday would be much more than “oh, that’ll be nice”, either, unless it was a destination I’d always wanted to go to and would therefore naturally show more interest in. Essentially the opposite of jealousy. Unless there are more relevant examples of why you think people must be jealous of and want to undermine you, I’d just assume that those who aren’t going aren’t as excited about your trip to Mallorca as you are.

ChurchWCat · 20/09/2021 21:20

Are you positive it's jealousy?

One of my friends has booked to go to Las Vegas soon, and spent an hour telling me all about it. I of course nodded and said yes sounds great etc, but it's my idea of hell.

Maybe they're not jealous?

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MargaretThursday · 20/09/2021 21:24

I'm not sure.

If one of my friends booked a holiday, my response would be approximately "nice/lovely". If they wanted to talk more, then I'd listen but unless I knew the place well, then I'd have little to say.

Doesn't mean I'm not pleased they're happy or I'm jealous, but it isn't a topic of conversation I'd particularly enter in on. I just don't think other people's holidays are that interesting. Mine wouldn't be to other people either.

It's unlikely that all your friends are spontaneously jealous and trying to put you down. One maybe, but all at once?
If you think they are then there's a good chance either it's you reading something into the situation that isn't there or you're doing it in a particular way that is pushing that reaction.

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2021 21:32

I’m also not sure, I’m not sure what needs to be said about going on hols. Are you going somewhere unusual?

TheGrumpyGoat · 20/09/2021 21:34

I feel bad now that I’ve never commented much more than ‘nice’ or ‘lovely’ when a friend has told me they’re going on holiday!

RoseMartha · 20/09/2021 21:36

I would ask where they were going and if I had been there or would like to go I would have extended the conversation. If not would say thats nice or have a nice time.

DillonPanthersTexas · 20/09/2021 21:41

Let's be honest talking about other people's holidays is a bit boring.

QueenoftheKarens · 20/09/2021 21:43

I'd say the same thing.

There's something a bit different about having a holiday to say doing a marathon for charity.

YABU. I don't think they're jealous, just don't know what to say.

Sparklfairy · 20/09/2021 21:45

You sound like you're fishing for, or at the very least expecting, a level of praise that really isn't normal for most friendships.

Its okay to feel proud of yourself and your friends will feel proud of you, but they don't need to gush over you about it.

Thatsplentyjack · 20/09/2021 21:48

Hmm I think that quite a normal reply to you telling them you've booked a holiday.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 20/09/2021 21:49

I wouldn't automatically assume jealousy tbh, maybe they just aren't interested in what you do? Still not nice of course but what can ya do.

I had a colleague who would go on and on about her lovely holidays, how great they were, how she wouldn't do a typical sun lounger holiday, all inclusive was for "chavs" etc. "Nice" was the response I gave her whenever she would mention something she was planning on doing, because I couldn't give a fuck. Friends would get a "ooooo where you going? Pack me in your suitcase"

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/09/2021 21:49

What are their lives like. Do you think you could be rubbing salt in the wounds. I know dogs shit on the floor but There's no need to rub their noses in it.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 20/09/2021 21:49

Either way it doesnt look good on their part, enjoy your holiday OP!

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 20/09/2021 21:51

I only ask about friends' holidays if they are going somewhere to do a hobby that I share with them. (This happens fairly often because of my hobbies.) Otherwise, it's not at all interesting to me, and I'd just say "nice" or similar.

saraclara · 20/09/2021 21:51

@Sparklfairy

You sound like you're fishing for, or at the very least expecting, a level of praise that really isn't normal for most friendships.

Its okay to feel proud of yourself and your friends will feel proud of you, but they don't need to gush over you about it.

Yep. I know the holiday is probably only an example, but really, unless there's an element of it that people can relate to, they don't generally say any more than ' that's nice' or spinning equivalent.

I really don't understand why you think your friends have all suddenly become jealous of you. Have you suddenly become hugely wealthier than them?

saraclara · 20/09/2021 21:51

Spinning? A similar equivalent, even

Original poster

Rainydayss · 20/09/2021 21:53

Ok a holiday was a bad example. It's other aspects in life. I don't rabbit on, I'm a modest person who has come out of a really shitty few years.

I guess I'm nosey/interested in people's lives and show an interest. Clearly not everyone is like that and like to dwell/talk about the more negative aspects in life such as the covid rates in the area.

OP posts:

MrsBobDylan · 20/09/2021 21:54

Why do you need their validation that you are successful?

Maybe they are struggling financially or their relationship is breaking down? Save the holiday talk for the hairdressers.

Rainbowheart1 · 20/09/2021 21:54

I think what the Op means is life has been hard and her friends know it, so when she mentioned the holiday was expecting her friend to be happy for her.

If I knew a friend had a hard time I would atleast say “that’s nice, you deserve it” or something along those lines.

saraclara · 20/09/2021 21:56

Ugh. Sorry, but you sound really smug and judgy there.

I don't think that is unreasonable for people to be focused on covid right now.

QueenoftheKarens · 20/09/2021 21:57

Oh now I get you. Type of person who is never interested in you unless there's a drama.
Do they dominate the conversation with news about themselves?

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2021 21:58

I’m honestly not sure what you’re expecting op. Can you give other examples.

You do sound like other peoples validation is important to you

Miniestelle · 20/09/2021 21:59

If you have had a shitty few years maybe they have git used to you being the friend that makes them feel better about themselves and now they feel a bit put out you no longer full fill that role?

Original poster

Rainydayss · 20/09/2021 21:59

I didn't say I was successful (just my job going well) or wealthy, just happy finally and no I don't need validation. I'm well aware at any point life can come crashing down again.

OP posts:

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