jealousy from friends

[Rainydayss]

After a divorce and years of emotional abuse Im divorced and spent the last 3 years turning my life around. Ive been with a wonderful man for 18 months and also managed to build up my business to be successful.
My life has changed positively, I'm finally happy and able to enjoy life with nice things/holidays etc. (definitely not a stealth boast).
However some friends are very dismissive or barely acknowledge anything I have done. For example, I booked a holiday, one friend said 'nice' and that was it. If I was on the other foot Id be pleased for my friend and asks questions and be genuinely happy she is enjoying life. I know people have bad times (I've had more than enough) but am still happy to see others have good times.

I'm not looking for attention from friends, I just don't understand how people close to you prefer it if there is a drama and others are unhappy.

Glad things have improved for you OP. I have almost zero interest in more information on anyone's holiday though & so I'd probably say 'that's nice' & think no more of it.

If you're sure they are jealous, just distance yourself. That's not much fun

Yes one or two seemed to love the drama of my split with the ex.
I'm going to distance myself from the odd one who is like that.
Of course people are focusing on covid, however after 18 months it's not unreasonable to talk about other aspects in life.

@Rainydayss

Yes one or two seemed to love the drama of my split with the ex. I'm going to distance myself from the odd one who is like that. Of course people are focusing on covid, however after 18 months it's not unreasonable to talk about other aspects in life.

Good. Distance yourself. You don't want to be friends with people like that, I bet they love to gossip and probably enjoyed telling your bad news to others. I've met a few people like that myself. Surround yourself with happy people. Glad things improved for you.

You should be able to talk about your achievements and happy things with friends. Even if they're in a bad situation real friends are happy for each other- even if one is bragging (which I don't think you are). Wanting validation from friends is very normal and clearly some people on here have learnt to live without it, but you're right to expect your friends to be happy for you.

I'm glad you're in a better place now

@Miniestelle

If you have had a shitty few years maybe they have git used to you being the friend that makes them feel better about themselves and now they feel a bit put out you no longer full fill that role?

I was just about to say this.

I had a similar experience a few years ago with a friend who basically used my struggles to make herself feel better about her life.

When a things started to improve, she hated it and. was so dismissive.

I significantly reduced contact.

I’ve been having a tough time again recently. This ‘friend’ found out through a mutual friends and is suddenly trying to get back in touch again.

Is this social media or face to face conversation?

I'm really surprised by many of the responses, I think it's actually quite rude to just say 'nice' after saying you're going on holiday. Surely even if you're not that interested you'd say a bit more than that! At least ask where they are going and when, you know... just to be friendly?!

Given she was the OP's friend and she knew she'd had a tough few years, she should have acted more pleased for her. Totally get you being a bit OP.

People are very different. One person's holiday is another person's hell.

I will politely nod and smile but I'm not going to falsify enthusiasm over someone else's Marbella holiday that sounds hideous/wanky expensive car/bling/daft designer clothes.

@Rainydayss

I didn't say I was successful (just my job going well) or wealthy, just happy finally and no I don't need validation. I'm well aware at any point life can come crashing down again.

If you don’t need validation maybe stop putting so much energy into overthinking your friend saying your holiday sounds nice, because validation is precisely what it sounds like.

Assuming people are jealous is a bit odd tbh, if you want to tell them more about your holiday or anything else just tell them - you don’t need to wait for them to start questioning you about it.

I understand what you’re saying op. I always make an effort with my friends to chat and let them know I’m happy for them. I think it’s part and parcel of friendship,to boost your friends up even if things aren’t going as well for you. I often couldn’t give a shit about topics such as holidays, but I know it is important to them so I take an interest and ask what they’ve got planned and remember when it is and say something along the lines of ‘not long until your holiday now, you’ll have a brilliant time’. It’s called caring.

Yes think people are just different. I love hearing positive things friends have done or achieved, it's a change from all the negatively and bad news in the world.