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Original poster

Should I talk to the teacher about shouting?

58 replies

Plumedenom · 20/09/2021 17:06

I don't want to be that parent. But.
DD started in her first year of elementary school this week. Today was the first day full time. Last week when they were doing half days, she told me one teacher was nice and the other was not nice because she shouts all the time and tells them off. I took all this with a pinch of salt and we talked about teachers being different, having different styles but it doesn't mean she is telling them off, and that the teacher has just come from a class of much older children so there was some adjustment for the children and some for the teacher etc.
Today I went to pick older child up for the dentist and I could hear a teacher through an open window shrieking at the children. It stopped after 2 minutes and I thought maybe it was a one off. I waited another couple of minutes for DS and it started again. I asked the teaching assistant who answered the door and you've guessed it, it's my daughter's teacher. Now I have the dilemma. I heard a kind of shouting I would never do myself, that made me feel sick for these five year olds. Do I address it with her or give her the benefit of the doubt? I have no idea what is best in the long run. At the start of term she was all "come to us immediately if you have any worries"...but my faith in her has been seriously knocked I'll be honest. It was not nice, my blood was hoping listening to how she was talking to them, but o don't want to be that mum. I also don't want to let what really sounded a lot like emotional abuse in a school go unchecked. This is not an English school, there's no open door policy. It's very old fashioned, but that doesn't excuse the shouting I don't think.

OP posts:

Anon778833 · 20/09/2021 18:25

We had a teacher like this at dd3's primary school. Her friend's mum walked up to her in the playground and said 'Can you stop shouting at the kids?'

🤣

Aquamarine1029 · 20/09/2021 18:28

@Plumedenom

We were explicitly told to go first to the teachers to resolve our problems and that the head would immediately want to hear that we had talked to the teachers before going higher. I repeat, the head hasn't even been to the school yet this year.

I would agree with this if the issue dealt with your child, but this is the teacher's behaviour to the entire class in question. Straight to her boss.

HungryHippo11 · 20/09/2021 18:29

I think I would homeschool if that was the type of attitude and behaviour found in the local schools. It sounds like your complaints won't be heard by the head teacher and why would the teacher listen to you if her superiors allow it?

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urbanbuddha · 20/09/2021 18:29

We were explicitly told to go first to the teachers to resolve our problems and that the head would immediately want to hear that we had talked to the teachers before going higher.

Then tell her to stop abusing your child. These children are in a state of fear going into school. Stop dicking about.

Kanaloa · 20/09/2021 19:01

@Plumedenom

But of course this isn’t always going to be viable. Say you saw a teacher become aggressive/violent with a child - of course you wouldn’t speak to the teacher about this! It’s appropriate that there are good channels for reporting issues and if not surely there is a higher authority you can appeal to.

RunningStrong · 20/09/2021 19:24

It's very hard to comment if the school isn't in England. It will depend on what's considered normal practice there.

An English school (and I imagine Welsh and Scottish) will have a behaviour policy which almost certainly states shouting should be avoided. The sort of shouting you describe would be so unusual in schools I've worked at, it would bring other staff running to find out what on earth was going on.

I don't think you should ask the teacher to "change her ways". Maybe start with asking for the behaviour policy?

Original poster

Plumedenom · 20/09/2021 19:31

I think you're right. I think I need to find a forum in this country or ask mums here because it's just too alien a concept, it is to me too honestly l, even after 8 years. I should have probably said "my child is attending school in Victorian England. I think her teacher is being too shouty and no one else gives a damn because half the teachers think anything goes in their classroom. The headteacher has the backs of his teachers. Behaviours policy hasn't been invented yet. What should I do?" That probably better explains the impossibility of it all. I can't imagine this kind of behaviour from a teacher in the UK this side of 1990 really.

OP posts:

urbanbuddha · 20/09/2021 20:32

So basically, how the hell do I handle it? Daughter's friend came out with a headache saying he didn't want to go tomorrow. Another child has told his mum he doesn't want to go, but I guess that's normal the first year. Another girl was crying on her way in the other day. I'm not sure if it's all perfectly normal or not.

Firstly, it isn't normal. We know this because your DD said the other teacher was nice.
Ask the other parents if they would like to join you in a group to discuss your concerns with the screaming teacher about her completely over the top discipline. Whatever the other parents do I'd make it clear to the teacher that her behaviour is unacceptable. Then I'd go the head, no matter what the teacher said or did.

worriedatthemoment · 20/09/2021 20:37

So are teachers never allowed to shout these days ? I mean surely raising your voice to be heard above screaming children or shouting occasionally is allowed?
Can't say I was damaged by a teacher raising there voice once in a while

RunningStrong · 20/09/2021 20:38

@worriedatthemoment

So are teachers never allowed to shout these days ? I mean surely raising your voice to be heard above screaming children or shouting occasionally is allowed? Can't say I was damaged by a teacher raising there voice once in a while

Raising your voice is not the same as shouting.

BlackShadowCat · 20/09/2021 20:43

@worriedatthemoment

So are teachers never allowed to shout these days ? I mean surely raising your voice to be heard above screaming children or shouting occasionally is allowed? Can't say I was damaged by a teacher raising there voice once in a while

Did you even read the OP's posts!?

Pumperthepumper · 20/09/2021 20:43

@worriedatthemoment

So are teachers never allowed to shout these days ? I mean surely raising your voice to be heard above screaming children or shouting occasionally is allowed? Can't say I was damaged by a teacher raising there voice once in a while

No, teachers aren’t allowed to terrify the children in their class by shouting at them repeatedly and making them scared to go to school.

Itsbeen84yearss · 20/09/2021 20:43

There’s literally no reason to be shouting at little ones. It’s a bad idea with the older ones. In fifteen years of teaching in secondary schools with hugely difficult kids I think I’ve done it about three times and regretted it afterwards. So yes I would be speaking to the headteacher about that teacher

Pinkbonbon · 20/09/2021 20:44

I don't really understand what you mean by it being not a regular English school..
? Do you mean its a private school? Or a special needs school?

Go straight to the top either way, bullies only listen to people they perceive as being in a position of power. Talking to her first just gives her an opportunity to paint you out to be a troubled parent looking to cause issues.

BlackShadowCat · 20/09/2021 20:45

@Plumedenom

Why don't you just say what country you are in? Mumsnet is pretty international and there are bound to be some people here with experience of that country.

WillAshton · 20/09/2021 20:56

Teachers are absolutely allowed to shout at children. As are headteachers.

Beachbabe1 · 20/09/2021 20:56

As said above..where are you and what type of school is it? Sounds like a private school? I certainly wouldn't continue my children's education there from what I've read!

Kanaloa · 20/09/2021 21:27

No, teachers shouldn’t be regularly shouting at children, especially not 5 year olds. What do you think it will achieve? It’s poor practice and shows a teacher who can’t manage classroom behaviour correctly. Do you think teachers would scream at a class of five year olds when Ofsted are there?

EagleOrIgel · 20/09/2021 21:39

We have the same situation with out school, head there two mornings a week, floating round the three schools he heads in the mornings and running his business in the afternoons.
All complaints have to go through the teachers, we had a similar situation and all the parents I asked said I had to go through the teacher else it was unfair non the teacher, I'd be upsetting a lot of people in the town etc etc and giving myself a bad name at the start of DC's school career.

I'd suggest you ask for a meeting with the other class teacher. You do not complain. You play the foreign card if you can "I don't know the school system here and I'd like to ask your advice on what I should do now". See what the other class teacher says.

Original poster

Plumedenom · 20/09/2021 22:33

What a mess. Going to sound out the class rep because she is pretty great generally, a no nonsense type who gets things sorted. I don't want to mess it up for my DD straight away in week 1.

OP posts:

worriedatthemoment · 20/09/2021 23:24

@Pumperthepumper theres a difference between terrifying and raising your voice
Have you never shouted at your child not once ? And i have def heard teachers raise there voices at times when necessary,

worriedatthemoment · 20/09/2021 23:26

@WillAshton not according to mn a teacher should never shout at a class of unruly kids or raise their voice, granted it shouldn't be a daily occurrence for everything but at times it is necessary,

Pumperthepumper · 21/09/2021 07:24

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Pumperthepumper theres a difference between terrifying and raising your voice
Have you never shouted at your child not once ? And i have def heard teachers raise there voices at times when necessary, [/quote]
No, I don’t shout at my children. It’s a loss of control. I definitely don’t shout at other people’s children. What do you think is happening in this op: raised voice? Or loss of control?

Tickledtrout · 21/09/2021 07:32

Sorry to say this OP but if it's acceptable, even encouraged, to be seen as strict and shouting is seen generally by teachers as "for the child's own good" then you're unlikely to make any inroads.
Ultimately you train your children to zone out and ignore or you find a different education system.

Original poster

Plumedenom · 21/09/2021 08:41

@tickledtrout. That's exactly what my husband said. Teach them to let it ride over them and ignore it. He said that's what he did (raised in the same system). He doesn't see shouting as damaging but says he will draw the line at humiliation. I personally sustained shouting is damaging and that's it's also about the tone of that shouting. Raised voice, I understand. A harsh, condescending and persistent shriek, I don't.

OP posts:

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