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Original poster

Just turned 4 year old doesn't write or draw

31 replies

Ellis989 · 19/09/2021 07:41

Hi all
My DS was 4 last week so has another year before starting school.

He's my youngest and only boy. My older 2 have all loved scribbling with crayons, painting, drawing etc and I think were independently drawing vaguely recognisable people/ animals by this age. One was an August born and went to school the week after her 4th birthday able to just about form her letters and write her name (I did put a lot of effort into teaching her that though as I was worried about her starting school!)

DS just isnt interested. He likes painting but just mixes the colours on the page, often until the paper rips. If I sit with him to draw he keeps trying to hand me the pencil/ pen and do it for him. He says he can't. He has once or twice drawn a circle head with arms and legs after I've prompted each step.

He's a bright boy, has great speech and language and has been able to recognise all his number and letters for about six months now.

Should I be concerned and does anyone have any tips on how to help him in a 'fun' way?

OP posts:

Vaselike · 19/09/2021 07:46

I have three children who have all shown different interest in this type of thing.

He’s just turned 4, don’t use your older child as a model (that’s advice I should give myself too), he’s got a year before he starts and even then, Year R starts right from the beginning (in fact, puts effort in un-learning letter formation, phonics, etc, for some of those children who are “ahead”.

Enjoy your little boy as he is, and what he’s interested in. Plenty of school years ahead for him to be pushed into things he’s not interested in… :(

RedMarauder · 19/09/2021 07:48

What toys does he like playing with?
Lego? Puzzles? Play do?

Does he dress himself and do up buttons?

In other words has he developed fine motor skills typical for a child his age.

Do you, his father or any of his siblings wear glasses? If so ask the GP to refer him to get his eyes tested as he may not be able to see properly.

Original poster

Ellis989 · 19/09/2021 07:48

Thank you @Vaselike that is really reassuring and what I needed to hear! Tbh I'm not really actively comparing him to siblings as they are really different. But it's hard not to compare him to peers when I see his little friends coming out of preschool with drawings with their names written on! I was just worried I should be doing something really! Thank you.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds Behaviour & development Families

Original poster

Ellis989 · 19/09/2021 07:49

He likes Lego puzzles and Play-Doh yes. Can't do up buttons. His dad does wear glasses and I hadn't thought of that thank you!

OP posts:

LifesNotDoneYet · 19/09/2021 08:00

My DS was the same except much older! He's now 5.5 and started school a month ago, able to write his name but totally uninterested in letter and number formation and with only a vague interest in learning to read. The past month has been a game changer, he's now spotting letters and numbers everywhere and trying to draw them and can already read quite a few words that he couldn't before from sounding them out. He is always trying to write the letters and words he knows.

I'm relieved, I was worried that he'd be behind (as so many of his peers were apparently transcribing Shakespeare or similar) but he's not at all. He's really loving it and is learning the letters and sounds from the teacher ie properly. Their homework this week was practicing the letters b and d and he's done pages of them.

In the past year we haven't pushed him at all on this because it just never worked but we did try to encourage fine motor skills (threading jewellery etc) plus forming letters and numbers in sand, with chalk etc. And pointing out familiar letters and words where we could. He's also really into audiobooks and being read to so his imagination was being fed.

I'm a big advocate of being encouraging but letting them do things in their own time and in this case it does seem to have been fine.

My DD is much more into drawing, colouring, stickers, and 'writing' and might be quite different.

kezziahcat · 19/09/2021 08:04

I really wouldn't be worried at this stage. I consciously didn't teach any letters to my ds before he started school and he went to a pre school which didn't do any teaching. He did draw but only when he was asked to at pre school or home, not really what he would choose on his own. He is in year 1 now and on target for everything and loves school. My dd is younger than your ds but will be the same year group and I wouldn't be worried if she was the same as your ds. I don't really think it benefits them to to write at this age in the long term and some are just more interested in drawing and crafts than others. What does he do if you put some colouring pencils and paper in front of him?

HardStaringBearFromDarkestPeru · 19/09/2021 08:04

Definitely get an eye test!

Indecisivelurcher · 19/09/2021 08:09

Oh this could be my ds. He turned 4 in May and just started school. Logically I am not worried. Its a hand strength thing and will just come, I believe. Physically, little kids bones are not fully fused and I am sure this happens at a different time for each child. While I know that logically, of course I still stew about it! Preschool picked up on it too and I started mumsnet threads of my own. The only thing you can do to help is hand strengthening exercises, but fun ones, things like play doh, cutting things, mark marking so stamps, potato cuts etc. I found lots of ideas online. Ds is the same right down to saying I can't. He will tell me it doesn't come out the way he wants, the way he sees it in his head. So I've taken the pressure off drawing itself because I don't want to put him off.

Indecisivelurcher · 19/09/2021 08:11

Dough discos on youtube are fun.

Ridiculousradish · 19/09/2021 08:12

He's 4!

Original poster

Ellis989 · 19/09/2021 08:13

Thank you so much for all these responses they have been so helpful!!
His preschool is completely play based and I haven't actively taught him letters and numbers but he picked a lot up last year when I was home schooling the others. I wasn't aware he even recognised numbers til he started pointing them out on signs/ in lifts etc. He seems to have had real pleasure from learning those so I've gone with it. I wouldn't be surprised if he's the only one of my kids that starts school able to read but unable to write his name! I suppose they are just all different. Thank you for your tips and reassurances!

OP posts:

Original poster

Ellis989 · 19/09/2021 08:14

@Ridiculousradish I'm aware he's 4, I'm not pushing him to write sonnets just wanted to know if I was right to be concerned he couldn't draw a circle or a straight line but it seems not. Thanks .

OP posts:

DobieGrayshark · 19/09/2021 08:17

I work with small children. Honestly they vary so much. Some of the kids who have just gone to school could write their own names and that of their friends. Some couldn’t really form any letters very well.

Last week one boy who will go to school next year seemed sad as some of his peers were drawing pictures of recognisable people based on a story we had just read and he said he couldn’t do that so didn’t want to try. However he is excellent at building models, has great social skills and can do most of his self care with no issues.

My own kids could write their names before going to school but my boys were a bit crap at it! No lasting issues and all are doing fine at secondary.

Original poster

Ellis989 · 19/09/2021 08:17

@Indecisivelurcher yes I think it's the same with ds that it doesn't come out the way he wants so he doesn't want to try! Problem is without even putting pen to paper there isn't any process for him to develop it! Thanks and hope your son gets off to a great start at school!

OP posts:

Squashpocket · 19/09/2021 08:17

My DC is a late summer born boy and has a group of friends who are also late summer born boys. I would say that showing a great interest in writing and drawing in the first term or two of reception would have been more unusual than not showing an interest tbh.

They all came to show an interest at some stage along the way. For my DS it was well into the summer term, but he caught up really quickly.

Original poster

Ellis989 · 19/09/2021 08:18

@DobieGrayshark Thank you!!

OP posts:

Balonder · 19/09/2021 08:22

I'm a primary school teacher and am not alone in thinking get children to write in nursery isn't always helpful. We often have to re-teach pencil grip and letter formation. Better to learn it properly first time round, especially pencil grip

Bakingwithmyboys · 19/09/2021 08:22

My DS1 didn't really draw or write. He didn't really attempt writing until the second half term of writing where he apparently wrote about 26 words in one go!

He hated painting so much I actually worried what he would do about art lessons and whether he would refuse.

He's year 2 now and I don't think his writing stands out from anyone elses. He's also sat doing some colour explosion colouring as I type. Lol.

It is a shame when you don't get the artwork from nursery. I'm only just starting to experience this now with DS2.

Don't panic. It will come.

Bakingwithmyboys · 19/09/2021 08:24

Should also add he's and October baby so was one of the oldest in his year!

VaguelyInteresting · 19/09/2021 08:25

Nah wouldn’t worry. My 4 year old (about to be 5) shows only sporadic interest in writing. He can copy letters but not terribly well, and name some of them, but only when he wants to and on his terms.

On the other hand he has exceptional vocabulary, has brilliant modelling and building skills, an incredible imagination which he’s been busy developing while other peers might have been more focussed on writing etc.

There’s so much for them to learn and develop at this age, it’s mad to think they’d all do it in the same order or at the same speed, but for most children the important thing is that they all level out to a degree in the end.

I’m just determined not to put him off by pushing it! He’ll crack on when he sees his friends doing it- he can’t bear to be left out!

AppleKatie · 19/09/2021 08:26

One of my DS’ was like this.

Point blank refused to hold a pencil or anything like it throughout his pre school years.

We focussed on the other aspects of fine motor (ie having fun!) instead. He’s at primary now and whilst his handwriting isn’t going to win any awards it’s within age appropriate levels!

OhYouBadBadKitten · 19/09/2021 08:26

Have you tried rice or sand in a tray and just making patterns with your fingers together? You can add in objects to make it 3d if he enjoys it.

WhatsWithAllTheCarrots · 19/09/2021 08:28

Hiya, my DS was a summer born who also wasn't much interested in writing or drawing at 4. Realised just before he turned 5 that he was very long sighted and his poor little eyes had been working really hard to focus with close-up stuff. Now he has glasses there has been a significant improvement in his drawing. Might be worth taking him to the opticians for a test, at 4 he's old enough x

Pissinthepottyplease · 19/09/2021 08:30

DD1 is in year 1 throughout the first lockdown all her school nursery friends were practising writing letters and numbers but she wouldn’t pick up a pencil or pen or colour in. She just wasn’t interested. She did learn to read in that time and now they are all around the same place. Just go with his interests and do lots of funky finger activities. Is he in school nursery? I would also try and make sure he can recognise his name - put it up some where he can see all the time.

WhatsWithAllTheCarrots · 19/09/2021 08:30

Just noticed that yours is September born - you have a whole extra year before he starts school so you have time! Work on those motor skills doing paintings, Lego etc. Have a Google - lots of things you can do that aren't pencil based but will improve pencil control xx

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