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Original poster

Am I the only evil mother in the world that doesn’t do sleepovers?!

68 replies

Loveatthe5anddime · 18/09/2021 07:29

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve grudgingly (and made a load of fun!) held a few for birthdays but I absolutely hate them and apparently I’m the worst parent in the world because of it

We have a fairly small house, 3 DC of the same sex all quite close in age and the logistics as well having to manage the 2DC that want to hang around the sleepover party and that drama that creates stresses me out. We also have a dog who can be quite grumpy and that is always on my mind.

My weekends are for family dinners, movie nights, romantic dinners for two with DH, having the window to lift the the electronics curfew and plugging all 3 DC in for a bit peace and quiet, drinking too much wine and putting the world to rights over the phone with my friend...

I should also add that all 3 of my DC have very active social lives, sports, hobbies, clubs, days out, shopping a very good parent taxi service which includes friends as well so I’m not a complete arsehole I just really hate sleepovers!

Anyone else?

OP posts:

SpnBaby1967 · 18/09/2021 09:22

My DD12 had two friends stay over last night. I just left them to it, I dont worry about what time they go to bed or anything like that and make sure there is plenty of popcorn.

In fact DH and I usually sequester ourselves in our bedroom with beer/wine and watch tv.

I wouldnt have a sleepover for younger kids though (I also have DS10 & DD9) although I know my youngest is desperate to!

AdelindSchade · 18/09/2021 09:23

We have them all the time but dd is an only. I was thinking this last night when I could hear her and friend screeching from her bedroom - would be a nightmare with siblings as well!

AdelindSchade · 18/09/2021 09:25

I had sleepovers in the seventies and eighties so not unheard of. Not nearly as often as dd does now though.

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GameSetMatch · 18/09/2021 09:52

Nah I hate them too, I’m not keen on having people for ‘tea’ after school either, I have let them a few times but other people children seem to be so naughty and out of control. I’ve been put off, one child demanded KFC and didn’t want my ‘stupid’ picnic food, another child kept hiding the condiments at tea time and kept hitting and bullying my youngest DS.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/09/2021 09:54

No, great big PITA when they’re younger. Avoided as much as I could.

trilbydoll · 18/09/2021 09:55

Ours are 6 and 8 at the moment and keep asking but no way are we doing them yet. I'm hoping to put them off until secondary school!

ShowMeHow · 18/09/2021 09:57

I’ve hosted one for each child. Job done.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 18/09/2021 10:00

I don't do them. Tiny house. I am a light sleeper and am awful on no sleep. If we had a South wing with a playroom out of earshot I might think about it

IMO we have enough playdates and parties for this not to amount to major neglect, and luckily locally they seem to be very much an occasional "treat" rather than a regular feature.

theseoldbone · 18/09/2021 10:00

In my DD's group they've always been common place. I don't like it but I felt like I either had to say she couldn't go on them, or have them here too. I don't want to be the parent who doesn't return the invite and it seemed mean for her to be excluded. That was from age 8 or so. Although her and her BFF have had them from about 5.

Now she's 16 and it's a revolving door of teenagers. There are lots of downsides but to be honest I'm glad of the visibility I get over the friendships. The mums who say no are the ones who don't really know what's going on in the kids Iives which would scare me.

I've found it to be a necessary evil.

theseoldbone · 18/09/2021 10:01

@Loveatthe5anddime

Bibbety...

I do have DC friends in the house, often! We also ferry children about, share club/hobby runs, organise trips, activities.

I have a good grasp of and relationship with DC’s friends, social groups, friends parents etc and this has always been very important to both myself and DH

I just don’t like sleepovers!!!

They generally pick the house they can crash in thigh as they get older

theseoldbone · 18/09/2021 10:01

Though* not thigh lol

elQuintoConyo · 18/09/2021 13:02

We have a child over once every 6 months or so, always reciprocated. Only ever one child, I couldn't stand more. DS is a single Pringle, so we have sleepovers to make life more interesting - actually all the children we have over are single children (hate the word 'only' + child). They make pizzas, play PS, we go to the beach the following morning or go for a picnic let them blow off steam, boardgames or film after lunch.

I'm not a fan of them for the noise, the mess, the lack of privacy. But I am a fan of them for DS and he's always so happy to have a friend over or go to theirs.

JustGiveMeGin · 18/09/2021 14:31

Mine have had sleepovers since they were tiny! Started off with their cousins and then included their friends from maybe 7/8 years old. I made it clear to the other parents (who I usually new well enough) that bedtime was whenever they fell asleep! Never had a problem with them being grumpy (the rule was/is if you stay up and you're tired you just get on with it or no more sleepovers ) I have a fairly open house with my kids friends, it doesn't always have to be pre planned, sometimes they arrive in the morning and stay for tea/overnight. It is reciprocated occasionally by the other parents but to be honest I don't keep count, they can come over whenever they like because it makes my kids happy.
If you genuinely hate them then fair enough but I do feel sorry for kids that aren't allowed them, its a huge part of growing up and they create memories that last a lifetime.
Can you tell I was never allowed them as a child?

Weegiewtf · 18/09/2021 15:17

I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to have sleepovers if the kids are ok with it too.

My house isn’t big enough for my family let alone sleepovers, good thing my eldest doesn’t like
Sleepovers as we’d have no space
For them

rainydayandpumpkinspice · 18/09/2021 15:29

We have our nephews to stay (same age as DC) but that's it. I don't do free babysitting for other peoples kids. Mine are enough.

Autumngoldleaf · 18/09/2021 15:52

Sorry op I think it's miserable. It's their home as well and it doesn't have to be often at all.
One or two friends once or twice a year?
Is that really too much?
I think it's really important for the dc to host people and have them over and also to go to other people's houses.
The only people I've known not to do sleepover where very up tight.

Autumngoldleaf · 18/09/2021 15:53

Oh yes and usually one friend... Not tons.

billy1966 · 18/09/2021 16:44

Infrequent here and didn't start till about 12 -14.

I have one staying tonight but it was at my suggestion as the parents have a lot of commitments with ill elderly parents at the moment.

I certainly wouldn't have them every weekend or anything like it.

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