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Original poster

Decluttering nightmare - everything sparks joy in my kid

40 replies

inthekitchensink · 13/09/2021 10:47

I’m trying to declutter after 5 years of basically hoarding but I’m having difficulty.

We have a tiny house and lack storage. I’ve got rid of baby stuff & early toddler stuff no problem, but the explosion of stuff from relatives at Christmas and birthdays is getting me down.

Dd(5) bedroom is stacked with toy boxes and stuff is everywhere downstairs. I have trouble disposing of her creations - models/art work etc but also she seems love to love the endless bits of plastic tat.

Do you just bin/recycle/charity shop it all or do you try to sort it out regularly so it doesn’t overwhelm?

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 13/09/2021 10:51

Constant culling here.
Be ruthless!

Talipesmum · 13/09/2021 11:05

I have similar, and I am similar! Best thing is to just sift through and get rid of a few things without asking her. I know some people would find that a hideous violation, but it’s really hard when you become attached to stuff - I find I don’t mind if it’s gone, but if someone asks me to choose, I find it hard to choose to get rid. She’s only 5 - hopefully you know real favourites and which is breakable tat she won’t miss. Do it when she isn’t around - worst thing is spending a day sorting things out into various piles, then they come home, see all the things, and are like “ooohhh I’ve missed that, yay new toys!”

Ragwort · 13/09/2021 11:07

I was very ruthless and just used to cull regularly - ideally when DS was at school and just feign surprise if he "lost" anything.

If you are donating to a charity shop please think carefully about whether stuff can sell, I manage a charity shop and we frequently get boxes full of children's "tat" ... broken toys, hair scrunchies, old crayons, plastic party toys, cracker prizes, half eaten sweets etc etc - it's as if someone just tips the drawer into a box and give us the lot ... none of which sells.

I was slightly amused recently as a parent rushed back to my shop in a panic as they realised their DC's passport had been hidden amongst all the tat ... never to be seen again, we haven't got the time to sort through endless stuff like that.

Athrawes · 13/09/2021 11:08

My 11 year old is currently rewatching all his Peppa Pig, Fireman Sam and 20 Trucks DVD's and genuinely enjoying remembering how much he used to love them. He breaks nothing and throws nothing out.

Rainbowqueeen · 13/09/2021 11:09

I have a friend who moves things to the garage. If no one has asked for them within 6 months she gets rid of them

Mariell · 13/09/2021 11:09

For the future ask family not to buy gifts as you are overwhelmed but that your child would appreciate panto tickets and days out instead.

Once you tell them that the gifts get given away they soon stop buying.

ChevreChase · 13/09/2021 11:12

DS is older (11) but we still have some of the stuff from when he was 5 years old that he won't part with. Like a toy kettle that makes boiling and pouring noises - hasn't been used for years and years. Whole Expedit cube sized box of train set that only gets assembled to go around the base of the tree at Christmas.

So, I am trying this tactic: that we are at pretty much 'full' in terms of space for toys, so with the Christmas and his birthday season ahead, we need to remove X volume of stuff to make way for Y volume of incoming. The thought of new stuff can be a motivator.

CheekyAFAIK · 13/09/2021 11:14

Have you asked DD if there's stuff she's happy to get rid of? DD surprised me, stuff I thought she loved she was like, I've never liked this teddy, I'm tired of that jigsaw etc! It's good for them to know that you need to clear out a bit.

Then pick out bits you want to get rid of and put them in purgatory somewhere - they get returned if asked for, if not then charity shop or bin after a month or so.

Walkingthedog46 · 13/09/2021 11:15

By the age of about 7 you couldn’t move in my daughter’s bedroom for tat. Masses and masses of tiny ornaments, plastic stuff,, stuffed toys, etc - so much so it was difficult to clean the place. One day I gathered up some stuff that I thought she’d never miss and sent it to the local jumble sale. Daughter went to friends for the day on the following Saturday - and the mum took them to the jumble sale!!! You can guess the rest. She saw her stuff and said she was sad as didn’t have money to buy it back. To this day (and daughter is now an adult) I feel so very guilty about this and can imagine her dismay at seeing her stuff.

Original poster
inthekitchensink · 13/09/2021 11:35

Thanks all, if we had a garage I would definitely hide stuff for 6 months and see if she misses it. I’m being quite ruthless with bits lying around downstairs that are clearly not favourites - it’s harder in her room but I will try a bit everyday.

OP posts:
Original poster
inthekitchensink · 13/09/2021 11:36

@Walkingthedog46 Shock oh that’s sad, I will have to watch out for that as she does like to visit our nearest charity shop from time to time!

OP posts:
Samanabanana · 13/09/2021 11:40

Regular culls are a must! Do it when she's out or else you'll never get rid of anything! Stuff that is tat immediately goes (magazine toys, party bag toys, etc.) Sell/donate/recycle what you can. Take photos of her creations and make a photo book a year, so that you're not keeping hold of everything but you still have a record of it. Or get her to scrap book and pick her absolute faves to go in and keep and recycle the rest. If something is really special frame it for her room and pop it on the wall.

DoormatBob · 13/09/2021 11:41

Tat I just slowly move out on a regular basis. If she looks for it then I have no idea where it could be! She quickly moves on.

Bigger toys we convince her it's another child's turn to play with it. Someone who is younger or doesn't have as many toys as she does. Once she agrees it has to be removed that night never to be seen by her again.

Hungry675tf · 13/09/2021 11:46

I have a multi pronged approach to tat as I love getting rid of stuff and am ruthless, but my kids are hoarders.

  • late November, get them to sort out things they would like to donate to the charity shop so they can make space for Xmas gift. Work through it with them, with a bag for donate, and a bag for the bin. Mine find this quite draining so put some nice music on/snacks. Can also do a bag to sell on at FB Market place where the kids keep the proceeds.
  • early spring, repeat as above but this time with the aim of doing a car boot sale. Kiss come along and set up their own little stall on a blanket/mini table. They get to keep the money from what they sell and can pick ONE thing to buy themselves
  • throughout the year, yourself, if you notice things getting a bit much, declarer whilst they are out and hide in a cupboard/loft/garage. This can go to charity shop/bin after 6mo if they've not missed it

This works reasonably well in our house...she says, sat in a room full of toys.

Also I got sick of the previous bits of paper so bought an expanding folder. They have to sort through what is to keep and then store it in the folder, not on the floor

Cmini · 13/09/2021 11:50

This is a constant battle in our house but a couple of things have worked for us.

Limiting the number of 'creations' that she can have on display at a time. Others are photographed, go in a box in the loft (and eventually go in the bin).

Same principle with Lego. Once her Lego shelves are full, if she wants to make something new, she has to take something apart.

I also got the kids involved in selling their stuff on marketplace and letting them have the profits! Ok, so they often buy more toys with the cash but they've got quite good at saving for something that they really want, rather than just buying tat.

Cattitudes · 13/09/2021 11:55

Creations were sent with Daddy 'so he can look at them at work'.

Box things up and put them in the loft/garage to see if they miss them.

ChevreChase · 13/09/2021 11:56

As a child, I had a not dissimilar experience to Walkingthedog46's DD - popped into a local shop on the way back from school, and the child of the shop owner was playing with a toy that was very distinctively mine. I was distraught when I got home and realised what my mother had done! So since DS stopped being a toddler, I've consulted him about what we get rid of, because they are attached to and remember the most unexpected things.

hufffflufff · 13/09/2021 11:58

Children and decluttering DO NOT MIX. You have to do it all by stealth. They are very attached to certain objects, in fact all objects IME. Just accept it for now, do it in secret and as she gets older ask her to join in once in a while. When she is a lot older it will be a lot easier but for now it is easier to accept it and do it without her knowledge. You can stash things away for a few months to see if she remembers anything (invariably not) and then ditch.

Stompythedinosaur · 13/09/2021 13:10

We managed this by giving the dc's containers for certain objects so they could keep whatever fitted in and had to prioritise. We had a memory box, a stones collection box, a magazine and party bag tat box.

I also used to do the "trial separation" thing where I hid things for a while to see if they would be missed.

Original poster
inthekitchensink · 13/09/2021 15:20

Some great ideas here, thanks. Now looking at a collection of painted stones & shells and wondering what to do with them!

OP posts:
Cattitudes · 13/09/2021 15:43

Display in the garden? Or will that just encourage them to add to it?

campion · 13/09/2021 15:56

Your title just made me laugh OP.
My now adult DS still brings up the fact that I got rid of a box of old Match magazines when he was a teenager. Worth a fortune now apparently Hmm

He works in sport and tells me his colleagues "can't believe you did that", just to pile on the guilt. It doesn't.

So get in the habit now, while she's still young. But if it's genetic (passed down the male line here!) you may have an uphill struggle for years.

MiloAndEddie · 13/09/2021 16:27

Yep 100% while she’s not there.

If you’re feeling particularly guilty, box it up and put it under your bed and see if she asks.

Try never leaving her room empty handed too, every time you go in, leave with something.

Art and creations - pictures you can photograph and Chuck. Bigger things just gradually get rid of.

Also, look at getting some decent storage, put her a couple of shelves up for tat and some big boxes maybe under her bed. But explain when they are full she has to get rid of something else make room.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 13/09/2021 16:35

One shold never declutter other peoples stuff or force them to do it.
It makes only yourself feel organized and on top off things. My DM gave away everything to neighbours when she thought I had outgrown them. All my barbies, my teddy, my dolls simply vanished.

Better invest in proper easy to use storage.

user1471538283 · 13/09/2021 16:41

My DS hung onto all sorts. He accused me of throwing away his childhood. But it had to go eventually.

With my DGodchild I gave him money and a day out to try to reduce the amount of stuff his parents had to deal with. Now it's just money. Would your relations do this? Or an annual pass to a theme park? Or a treat fund?