Abusive father has left us a "box of stuff" after his death - WWYD?

[immstat]

My father was abusive and I went NC with him over 7 years ago.

He died this time last year and I totally forgot my mum mentioning his new family had a "box of stuff" for us. She reminded me this morning when I told her how sad I was feeling today.

There are obviously very good reasons why I went NC and why I refused to go to his bedside as he lay dying, or why I refused to go to the funeral.

The damaged, naïve little girl in me wants desperately to know what he left in the box of stuff. Maybe there will be something that will tell me he loved me after all. A note or something.

The sensible adult who wants to protect that child is saying don't do it. That I won't find anything in that box except disappointment which will lead to more sadness and anger. More feelings of being unloved or unlovable.

My mum is asking if I would like her to contact his family for this box. I am torn.

What would you do?

Until the box is dealt with he does still have a hold. Looking / binning is matterless so may as well check it out!! Then donate to charity or bin. Satisfaction in both I reckon!!

My stepfather was abusive, and if he'd left me anything, I wouldn't have wanted it. But I don't know how you feel.

@immstat I think it might be your pregnancy that’s changed things. It’s a whole new chapter (Unless it isn’t your first child) and often brings to the fore things from the past and one’s own parent(s), especially if that childhood had abusive, toxic or dysfunctional elements.

I’m not sure what I would advise. I think I would actually want closure, even if it came in the form of confirmation once and for all that the individual really was that shitty and/or damaged and things were never going to be different. It would be very difficult and very sad, but I would also be able to let it all go once and for all.

I have another child - and actually having that child was the catalyst for going NC with him in the first place. Yes you are right its probably the pregnancy. I jsut find it abhorrent and unthinkable that a parent would be so horrible and unloving to their flesh and blood...its hard for me to understand