Feeling low - how to make my life less small

[needhelp20212]

I'm feeling very down and have realised that I lack real get up and go and enthusiasm. Day to day I just exist to pass the time. And I think a lot of this is with how small my life and world has become - even pre-pandemic. I'm 34, live in London. I have lovely friends but they're busy with their own lives, and never around to do much due to distance so things take a lot of planning.

I'd like to take far more pleasure and love in life.

I have to combat my natural laziness and inertia but it is getting to the point now where it is affecting my mental health and I would like to do something about this. I did once feel happy about life.

Please give me your best advice for hobbies/skills I can try or just ways I can increase my world and make it less small and more interesting/challenging/exciting.

What doesyou week look like? Do you exercise?

Something with purpose
Something creative
Something that makes you move your body
Something that challenges you
Something that connects you with nature

Volunteer for a cause that you care about, learn a language or another new skill, join a book club, do a day hike or cycle (meetup is good for this) or a weekend or week away with people you don't know.

What kind of things did you previously enjoy? Have you had any hobbies?

Look on Facebook for local events and read posters on noticeboards. Actively search out clubs or activities you might enjoy. Volunteer. Get an allotment. Get involved in a pressure group.
Do something for yourself and something for others.
Be proactive about this.
Good luck!

Make definite plans to do things that you enjoy at the weekend, even if alone, so that you aren't sitting in front of the TV.
Is your work stimulating? Is there additional training you can do to progress at work or move into a more mentally challenging role?
Agree that exercise is good - join a class and pay upfront so you are more committed to going.

Similar to @Palavah, I would suggest three things:

a) volunteering or campaigning
b) learning something new
c) culture

Life is small, but small can be rewarding or boring. Mine has been both at different times!

Agree with PP that finding things you can do alone is a good start. I'd also try exploring your immediate surroundings, is their anything this weekend like an exhibition or a market?

Maybe sign up for an activity that involves a group? My friend joined a walking group and now loves it, has made some friends there and they go out socialising. Or if that’s not your thing, maybe Google what other social things are going on in your area?

This will take an element of making yourself do things initially.
I agree with pp - find a way to connect with nature.
Also, find a way to take pleasure in the ordinary - use your best things, make afternoon tea an event, set the table for dinner, languish in a bubble bath.

Do you run? I found joining a running club has been really sociable. Or volunteer at your local Parkrun on weekends?

Feminism. There's lots to be done. You can make an impact alone or as part of groups.

Local activities can be good, whether it is a gym or an evening class. It’s easier to propel yourself out the door on a wet Wednesday night if it’s only 10 mins walk from home. You may make local acquaintances that you bump into when you are out and about, increasing your sense of connection. In time, these people could become friends. Getting started/moving again is key: making one change will lead to others.

Could it be depression making you feel unmotivated, rather than your lifestyle making you depressed?
I think it would be worth having a chat with your GP.
The suggestions above are all good ones though.
I hope things take a turn for the better very soon, and well done for being proactive

Meet up groups. There are so many in London. Some fab ones for day trips and cultural stuff. Hiking ones too.
www.meetup.com/cities/gb/17/london/

What about a choir? And/or a group holiday with Exodus, KE adventures or similar? Agree re volunteering and campaigning too. What do you care about most? There will be a group dedicated to it!

If you're in London, you have local places to go. Start going every week. You'll soon have friends you see all the time, a community x

A good question to ask is what did you love doing as a child? If you made up musicals with your Barbies can you join a choir or an am dram group, if you collaged your walls can you get into something arty, etc

I think it's an element of both depression and a small (unfulfilling/boring) life.

I used to love learning and reading but I seem to have fallen out of love with those things. I will try and pick them up again.

I do walk a lot in parks and nature but again, it's sort of aimless walking whilst ruminating and listening to music - it does help to some degree but I now wonder if it's not great for me.

Meetups fill me with dread.- every time I look online there seems to be dozens with thousands of members.

I'd love to join a book club but I've never found one. The ones I see online don't seem to fit and my friends aren't interested in starting one up.

I will join a fitness or sports class, I think that would be good for me.

Sorry, I feel my dispiriting response is not in keeping with all the advice I've had.

I'm not sure what I loved as a child. We weren't allowed to do extra curricular stuff as there was no money so the things I enjoyed doing were rather solitary like reading and walking

What kind of things do you like learning about OP?
Would you consider a running club? It might tick a few of the boxes without being too interactive.

I'd love to join a book club but I've never found one. The ones I see online don't seem to fit and my friends aren't interested in starting one up.

My MIL joined the book group at her local library, which is open to everyone in the borough. The books are picked by the librarian that runs it, so MIL sometimes grumbles about what she’s reading. At this point, I’d be aiming for ‘better than now’ - whatever you join doesn’t have to be your “forever bookgroup” or social circle. It just has to be better than doing nothing. Consider this a period of exploration where you try a few things to see what fits. Don’t worry about getting it 100% right. Get going, that’s the main thing. Any “failures” are data points that will help you narrow down your preferences for longer term change.

It sounds like you need more connection with others, and more shape/meaning to your current activities.

Firstly, have you really tried to see your existing friends more, and interest them in doing specific things? Because the more I meet new people, the more I realise why my existing friends are my friends. They are smarter, funnier and nicer than the general population.

If they really can't be persuaded to get out and do stuff (or even get out for lunch) then sign up for an exercise class)/choir/allotment, and make a list every Thursday of stuff to do on the weekend which involves going somewhere new and seeing a friend/friends (not necessarily at the same time if your friends can't be shifted).

I also struggle with this but find physically booking classes/courses helps as, once booked, it feels like a non-negotiable fixture in my diary.

My cat has enriched my life- he doesn’t get me out the house, but does make my life feel infinitely more meaningful.

Thank you for all the advice and for just being so nice.

So this morning I have signed up to a Spanish class that starts this week and a running group that starts in October.

I'm really hoping this will help me. I'm far too solitary.

To the PP who mentioned their friends were nicer/more interesting than the general population - I agree! I do have lovely friends but they are quite lazy themselves or really have their own lives going on, many married or with partners/babies and so their weekends are quite full up or they will just do dinner at one of ours. But it doesn't really make me feel any better and my world feels just as small.

I'm just hoping I find some spark or meaning to living again.