Feeling low - how to make my life less small

[needhelp20212]

I'm feeling very down and have realised that I lack real get up and go and enthusiasm. Day to day I just exist to pass the time. And I think a lot of this is with how small my life and world has become - even pre-pandemic. I'm 34, live in London. I have lovely friends but they're busy with their own lives, and never around to do much due to distance so things take a lot of planning.

I'd like to take far more pleasure and love in life.

I have to combat my natural laziness and inertia but it is getting to the point now where it is affecting my mental health and I would like to do something about this. I did once feel happy about life.

Please give me your best advice for hobbies/skills I can try or just ways I can increase my world and make it less small and more interesting/challenging/exciting.

Ah good luck OP and well done on taking that first step. I hope it goes well for you.

I'm sorry you feel this way and although my circumstances are quite different to yours, I can sometimes feel the same inertia and lack of enthusiasm about life. That is a bit of a cycle really - the inertia and lack of action makes you feel low in mood so it just circles.

Lots of good ideas on here, and I think joining a Spanish class will be a good help.

My advice is to make a list of any small things that do make you feel happy: mine might be a trip out to buy a little treat for myself (nice candle, new socks, favourite chocolate, stationery); anything creative like scrapbooking or even making photo collages on my phone; being in touch with friends by voice message or email (many of my good friends live in other countries); nice food; choosing birthday or Christmas gifts for people. Having something small to look forward to in an evening or weekend helps.

The other part (which you have already done) is to take active steps to participate in things. I agree that the idea of gatherings with loads of people is pretty intimidating. Have you tried your local library for any weekly groups? I feel that library groups might be a bit smaller and less daunting! Love a PP's idea of a choir as I do think singing is really beneficial and lifts the spirits.

Please be kind to yourself! I hope things get a little happier for you

I went back to study recently, and also force my to get out walking each day.

I do have lovely friends but they are quite lazy themselves or really have their own lives going on

I know what you mean - I have some lovely friends who are very happy in their rut and can't be winkled out. I don't judge them because I have other friends who suggest running marathons or going to Peru, and then I'm the one saying no thanks.

I can see how it makes life feel small, because your life is being shrunk to their limits. If you can spend time with them for solid social support, but venture off without them to try new things, you might find a balance.

Btw (and I absolutely don't feel life is incomplete without a partner) you mention friends settling down, and you don't mention a partner. Is part of the drive to get out and meet people that you may meet someone? In which case you might remind your friends to invite any likely men when you go to them for dinner.

I think you've had some good advice already but I just wanted to add that it feels like the time of year to make changes.
Every year for so long we start the autumn with a new school bag/ books/ uniform. As adults I think we recognise that Sept-Dec is a good chunk of time to settle into some good new habits so this is an ideal opportunity to get moving, whether mentally or physically. Good luck

Can I just say that by posting on here and reaching out to people you are already making your world a little bigger, you are being proactive. Give yourself some credit for that, small things do add up.

Which area of London do you live in OP? I belong to a book group which meets monthly and we are always looking for new members. We're in SE London.

I'm a bit like you op but I actually made an effirt this weekend to book two things (local events and a local tourist attraction)

It's great you have joined a running club and course

@needhelp20212

Thank you for all the advice and for just being so nice.

So this morning I have signed up to a Spanish class that starts this week and a running group that starts in October.

I'm really hoping this will help me. I'm far too solitary.

To the PP who mentioned their friends were nicer/more interesting than the general population - I agree! I do have lovely friends but they are quite lazy themselves or really have their own lives going on, many married or with partners/babies and so their weekends are quite full up or they will just do dinner at one of ours. But it doesn't really make me feel any better and my world feels just as small.

I'm just hoping I find some spark or meaning to living again.

In that case definitely do some volunteering. It's hard to feel sorry for yourself while you're working on making life better for someone who has it much worse than you.

Also as PP says, you're not looking to hit the jackpot with new friends and great entertainment/fulfillment with the first thing you do. It's about getting into the habit, having interesting topics of conversation when you meet new people, and trying things out.

What is it about meetups that scares you? I treated it as a way of doing something i might enjoy, meeting people wasn't the primary aim. I never wanted to do the 'meetup at a pub' type event.