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Original poster

18yo DS2 is earning £20k pa

80 replies

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 19:28

And I'm worried 😆

Maybe in other lives it's not a lot, but it seems too much for a young lad with hardly any expenses to fritter to me. He's just starting the third year of a four year apprenticeship and there's a substantial rise each year.

He does pay me some keep, enough to cover his food and make a contribution to bills. To take more would be unreasonable I think?

He's always been a spender. Amazon parcels arrive every day and I dread to think think what he's spending on gaming. I don't see his bank account, but I doubt there's any savings.

I worry that he'll get used to unlimited spending money and the real world will come as a nasty shock, but other than tell him (and what 18yo would listen) what can I do?

I am pleased for him, obviously, but also worried that by choosing this route, whilst the money is good at 18, it won't support the lifestyle he thinks it will later.

OP posts:

Original poster

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 20:13

Yes he is learning to drive but Covid interrupted it all and there's no motivation to get on with it because you can't book a test.

OP posts:

MintyGreenDream · 09/09/2021 20:13

Put his board up but put it all away for him in an account if you can afford to do so.

Actually having said that at 19 he should be saving money himself

Antinerak · 09/09/2021 20:13

Ask for more money from him but put it in a savings account for him. You don't need to keep it secret but let him know it's there for emergencies/deposit.

Involve him in your own financial planning including budgeting for bills etc. Show him how a savings account won't affect his spending too much but will benefit him in the future.

If he doesn't have a car or doesn't drive maybe get him to look into lessons.

Interested in this thread?

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MintyGreenDream · 09/09/2021 20:14

IceLace100 · 09/09/2021 20:14

Good on him! Sounds like he has done a fantastic job and is intelligent and hardworking. You've clearly done a fantastic job of bringing him up!

You could speak to him about investing. It's something the youngsters seem to be into. You can speak to him about savings and a house deposit and encourage him with setting up a pension etc.

But... you can't stop him living and enjoying his life! Why shouldn't he enjoy his good fortune whilst he is young?

Antinerak · 09/09/2021 20:17

If he's ready for a test he could look into buying a car and getting plenty of practice in before it. It may be some time but won't do any harm to drive around with you in his own car.

TaraR2020 · 09/09/2021 20:17

@hellcatspangle

I'd increase his rent and put it away in a savings account for when he wants a house (but not tell him). The suggested amount is a third of take home pay - to reflect what you'd be likely to spend on rent/mortgage when you leave home.

This is what I would recommend.

Original poster

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 20:21

@Antinerak

If he's ready for a test he could look into buying a car and getting plenty of practice in before it. It may be some time but won't do any harm to drive around with you in his own car.

He's not ready for a test and he doesn't want or need a car. He cycles to work and uses public transport for his social life. That might change but atm he has no motivation, he only really started lessons because I insisted it was a life skill he needs, but the original driving instructor is being flaky with bookings and it's not easy to find another currently.

OP posts:

Gimlisaxe · 09/09/2021 20:22

One thing you could do, is say, if you start saving I will match it each year (if you are rich) or I will give you 10% if you save over £5000 in a year.

I am hoping to teach my DS third/third/third. Third to save. Third for bills, Third to spend but he is only 9 so I have time to keep teaching

ODFOx · 09/09/2021 20:29

£10 an hour, 38 hours a week is almost £20k a year.
It seems a lot of money but isn't significantly more than minimum wage.
The issue here is his outgoings. He should be giving you at least 1/3 if his net income. If you can afford to save some for him that's great but you do him no favours if he has an unrealistic amount of spare cash each month. It is the same principle that you'll have followed to teach him money sense as a younger teen.
He is grown but he's still your child.

User875906 · 09/09/2021 20:41

We had the same with DS with learning to drive, he had quite a bit of disposable income at 17-18 and it was a good opportunity to learn, luckily we didn't have covid to deal with as well, we had to practically book the lessons and shove him out the door to the car but it is a life skill and very expensive, especially as DS failed his test twice but luckily passed it third time, it's hard to do if money is tighter later on with other stuff to pay for, but I can quite see he lost interest when covid struck driving lessons and tests.

Dontjumptoconclusions · 09/09/2021 20:48

He needs to use this opportunity to save save save ! He will regret splurging all this money when he's in need of it later on for a house deposit or a nice holiday. Lay out a spreadsheet in front of him and show him what totals up to his spending away, and translate that into what he could have bought instead.

L0bstersLass · 09/09/2021 20:53

@LegendaryReady - He's paying the maximum on offer into his occupational scheme, you'd do a private one too?

Is he really paying in the max? Or the maximum required to unlock the maximum his employer will pay in?
Where I work, if I put in 6% my employer will put in 8% - but I can put in a lot more than that if I choose to.

Having said that, I'm not sure that ploughing loads more in than is necessary to unlock the max employer contribution is wise at his age.

How's about a stocks and shares ISA which he can use to save towards a deposit for a house? Or at least a deposit for renting should he choose to move out? He should get used to putting a chunk away for accommodation, whether it's to you or not, and also a chunk for savings.

ButterflyBitch · 09/09/2021 20:55

My nephew who is apparently waaaaay more sensible than I was at the same age, has just bought his first flat at the age of 20. He started full time work at 18 and has managed to save a deposit in that time. Sit him down and talk to him about saving. I wish someone had done that for me at 18.

Original poster

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 21:02

@ButterflyBitch

The cheapest 1 bed flats here are £200k and in the SE that's not even expensive, almost double that in the next (posher) town. You can see why home ownership seems like an impossible dream not worth saving for. If he saved a £20k or even £50k deposit, he still couldn't raise the mortgage

OP posts:

Original poster

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 21:05

This is what worries me it's a huge amount of pocket money but nowhere near enough to live on here.

OP posts:

Bobsyer · 09/09/2021 21:06

I wasn't earning £20k till I was 30 - and that was after graduating from uni!

Original poster

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 21:08

@Bobsyer

I wasn't earning £20k till I was 30 - and that was after graduating from uni!

When I started work my lifetime ambition was to earn £10k

OP posts:

ColdCottage · 09/09/2021 21:08

If perhaps charge him a bit more and pop it in a savings account for when he leaves home.

Also maybe speak to him about budgeting and saving for some bucket list items. How he can set up extra accounts for savings at his bank online.

Maybe pop together a spread sheet showing how small costs add up over a year so how 3 coffees a week and 5 takeaways a month etc add up over 12 months.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 09/09/2021 21:10

Aside from this being a humble brag…

My num charged me board (I didn’t earn what your DS does though) took off what she needed for bills. Then unknown to me saved the rest. When I was buying my first house she gave it me back.

Dashel · 09/09/2021 21:11

I wish someone had stopped me frittering away so much on so little in my younger days.

I know Martin Lewis does some sort of financial education course which might be useful but I would suggest you go through budgeting with him so he understands how much it costs to run a house and car and how much it will cost to buy a property, deposit, solicitors, furniture etc so he needs to take full advantage of this time.

I would setup the lifetime ISA and max that out and then think realistically about when he wants to buy a property and then either set up something like a Vanguard stocks and shares ISA if it’s going to be a while before he buys or Premium Bonds until the rates get better, plus it’s a bit of fun for him. A regular direct debit should be set up on pay day so then he knows what’s left after bills he can spend, or save for his holiday/larger fun purchases.

beastlyslumber · 09/09/2021 21:12

He should be paying his way. I'd ask him for proper rent and board. I'd encourage him to set up a savings account. I don't understand the reluctance to allow adult children to contribute to the household costs in a meaningful way. He could be learning how to manage his money, saving, and making a useful contribution to the family. Imagine what that would do for his sense of integrity and responsibility and meaning. Maybe you should get him to watch some Jordan Peterson videos.

GoWalkabout · 09/09/2021 21:14

I would think he is ready to move into a house share on that money. Make a medium term plan with him - he moves out or he pays you market rent and a share of the bills (a house share now will teach him to budget safely with you to fall back on).

BitterTits · 09/09/2021 21:18

@Obviouspretzel

What a weird thread. Just charge him more board then. Would you rather him earn less?

Why does someone always say this? It should be included in MN bingo if it isn't already. Funny what people find weird

mercimacherie · 09/09/2021 21:20

@LegendaryReady re "If he saved a £20k or even £50k deposit, he still couldn't raise the mortgage". He will not have this amount of disposable income once he moves out and rents. If he doesn't save as much as possible now he definitely won't be able to buy in your area, unless whatever he's training in has a high salary, or you can provide a deposit?

His salary will increase and he will possibly want to buy with a partner so if he has no interest in buying a car then saving towards a house deposit is definitely what I'd be encouraging.

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