Do you ever see how the other half live?

[Tabbypawpaw]

We have close relatives who are extremely well off - the husband works in finance (long hours) and the wife has not worked since she had children. They have several lovely children, great natures and polite and all doing well but now I have children of my own the marked difference between their and our lifestyles is so clear. Not jealous at all as would hate to work long and stressful/difficult hours to afford such a circus and only want the best for them…it’s just such an eye opener. I was brought up by v frugal parents and although we lived quite comfortably there was def that frugality there! My relatives kids have all had a top public school education, horses/pony club, private sports lessons in any sport they show an interest in, private music lessons on instruments costing thousands of pounds, the most wonderful holidays, regular trips to top sporting events, theatre, festivals. They think nothing of Ocado deliveries costing hundreds per week (to be fair the kids eat an enormous amount!). The children have well off relatives too so receive v generous gifts. The parents are utterly devoted to their children and their success. It’s just so…different to my own life. I was buying one nephew a birthday present a couple of months ago and worrying I hadn’t spend enough and ended up spending more for a particular product I would never splash out on myself. Silly really!

sorry, what's the question? There are people at all levels of wealth wherever you look (obviously with more extreme ends of the scale in certain areas). The people you talk about may have neighbours with a private jet and a staffed holiday home in the Caribbean, who think nothing of popping to NY for the weekend or eating regularly with the kids at Michelin starred restaurants. There's almost always somebody better off and worse off than you, that's life. You say you aren't jealous and wouldn't want their actual life so what's the discussion about?

Yes of course we see how the other half live - there are always people who are better off. We dont exist blindly in a bubble.

Am I jealous? A bit maybe. Id love a nanny for example, but for the most part im content.

I can sort of relate. As my friends and I start our families, it's clear that many of them will be raising their children in wildly different circumstances to my own.

I guess I can get a bit green-eyed about it from time to time. My better off friends don't work harder than me, they just made different career choices and were fortunate enough to be born into wealthy families and have benefitted from large gifts or inheritance. But I console myself by knowing that my life would also be the envy of many, many people. We pay our bills and we have a roof over our heads. Our children are healthy and well nourished. We live in a safe home, in a safe country. We're inordinately luckier than most.

It's all relative isn't it?

Money can't buy intellect though.

@KaptainKaveman

Money can't buy intellect though.

What does this even mean? Some wealthy people have a low IQ, some dont. Some 'average' people have a low IQ, some dont.

My DC are at Private school and most parents are obviously wealthier than average but not oligarchs or bankers BUT occasionally I will get asked to drop off or pick up one of the kids and when I get there the houses are amazing!
However, I went to Private school myself so I am kind of used to knowing very wealthy people, the majority of whom are just ordinary down to earth people like us (but richer)

@KaptainKaveman

Money can't buy intellect though.

Nor does it negate it

Yes, my best friend at university didn't mention to me that she was aristocracy! I did not know at all. Only realised when I went to her birthday party and she lived in something similar to Downton Abbey! She had servants and everything.

Also used to hang out with a friend of a friend. Had no idea he had a penthouse in Manhattan and was mega wealthy. I've never visited him, but yes, I've had a glimpse.

I was raised in more plush surroundings than I find myself now and went to a private school for some of my education, but it wasn't super fancy or anything. We were more 'well to do', the two people I mentioned live in another world!

But if I'd had an envious attitude rather than just being a bit fascinated by it, I probably wouldn't have got on with either of them. The first one is still a really good friend and she lives in a pretty normal house in London now, (except for the amazing art work on her walls). So I'm glad I didn't get the green eyed monster or we wouldn't have been able to be friends.

Money can’t buy intellect..

Why on earth would you want it to?! Money buys time and opportunity should you choose to use it that way, or it buys comfort and material possessions, or it buys all of the above.

Or is it somehow better to be smart and poor?

I’d probably be classed as being in the other half group (big house, holidays every six weeks or so, brand nee cars etc). I’m just a regular woman, my friends are have average income households, we all have our troubles and support each other.

I'm in the richer 50% of population.
by owning home outright & having >> median household income.

Via give-away pages on Facebook, I've found out about a lot of council housing in our town, that I was previously unaware of.
To the point of being shocked how much public housing there is, here.
Often Crowded, small, noisy, litter strewn environment housing.

So yes have seen other half & am reminded to be grateful for problems I don't have.

Yeah I guess we can know or imagine how the other half (or more like 5%) through social media and the news but I’m ‘seeing’ it whenever we see them. It’s just such a different lifestyle to my own and my children’s and one even if I had such a disposable income I probably wouldn’t go for as it’s too privileged for me and I couldn’t be bothered with the circus that goes with it. But yes if we’ve got a roof over our head and some disposable income we’re lucky compared to a lot of people.

I think I may be the 'other half' that you speak of OP. I recognise we are very lucky to have a lovely home and no money issues. Our DDs are hard working young women with good values. We have also had our fair share of heartache and difficulty. Don't judge people by what you can see.

I have the unique perspective of having lived both halves.

Born into working class family, my Dad was unemployed for years during the 80s when nobody could get work. I was a single parent, didn't go to uni, worked as a house cleaner to get by on benefits.

I started my own business and became very wealthy. I take home 6 figures a month. Now my life is unrecognisable to how it was before. What money gives you is choices and freedom. I can choose not to do the housework, not to do the school run, not to do laundry. Before I didn't have that choice.

For me, money is freedom and nothing to do with intelligence (I always failed economics and maths in school), there is no moral weight to money only how you get it, and it doesn't make anyone better than anyone else. I am still the exact same person I was, I am just wealthier.

But they aren't the other half, they are a small percentage of people who live that way. You can find as many families (if not more) living in absolute poverty - no money for what most of us consider the basics, and no hope (other than the lotto) of getting more. I'm quite content to bump along in the middle.

I’m also “the other half” but I don’t post on social media.
I’m fully aware of our immense privilege and, although my kids are younger, they will be made to be very aware of it as well.

@lljkk

I'm in the richer 50% of population. by owning home outright & having >> median household income.

Via give-away pages on Facebook, I've found out about a lot of council housing in our town, that I was previously unaware of.
To the point of being shocked how much public housing there is, here.
Often Crowded, small, noisy, litter strewn environment housing.

So yes have seen other half & am reminded to be grateful for problems I don't have.

Well said! I am fully aware that there are people out there far wealthier than myself but I also own a lovely home and I know that myself and my family, while not mega wealthy, live better than a lot of people. I can't afford to send my kids to private school or have luxury holidays but they live in a beautiful, large home, have music lessons, after school activities and we have money for eating out and fun days out. Their lives are quite rich and worlds away from my own childhood, that was blighted by poverty. I don't need more of what I have and I have everything I want or need. I am bloody lucky. Is your relatives lives so very different from your own, OP? Because more stuff with a bigger price tag isn't really that different. I compare my life to my mother's who immediately looked stressed when a bill came through the door or who counted every penny on a shopping trip and stuffed her shoes with cardboard when they wore through so she could still have a smart pair for work. I am so glad I don't have to go through that. It wore her out, destroyed her mental health and has left her quite bitter with life, even though things have improved.

"one even if I had such a disposable income I probably wouldn’t go for as it’s too privileged for me"

I think I get where you are coming from. My BIL and SIL seem to spend money like water and sometimes I wish I could spend with wild abandon as well! But I would soon get sick of it and would probably feel ill about money spent on 'stuff'. But it is OK to want to live someone else's life from time to time, we all fantasise about it. But don't let it make you feel bad and certainly don't feel obliged to spend more money than you would on gifts etc. If they are decent people, they won't expect it!

My best friend's dh, and my boss both went to top public schools (Eton & Ampleforth), their children will do the same, and they always holiday well and entertain a lot.

But they are both careful with money - one drives Volvos that get replaced every 12 years. The other shops in the co-op and grows vast amounts of his own veg. Both make do and mend. Both work incredibly hard and aren't at all ostentatious. Both are very hands-on with DIY etc. Definitely no bling.

We're the same, I could have written your post. I don't have them round our house any more (much as we love them) the kids are lovely and try to be polite but are astounded we get 2 adults and 3 kids in a 3 bed semi (they'd never been in a semi till they came to ours and were amazed by our house that's like a doll's house (they weren't being mean just unaware) but it makes me feel a bit bad for my kids although they don't seem to have noticed too much yet.

@KaptainKaveman

Money can't buy intellect though.

It certainly can.

I was born in a mean little terraced house with an outside toilet which backed onto the railway. Money (or rather the lack of it) was a constant source of friction between my parents, particularly when I was in my teens. I was sent to school one winter with cardboard in the soles of my shoes because they had holes in them. My grandmother (who was estranged from my parents but thats another story) bought me a pair of sturdy Clarks shoes for school. When I began secondary school my uniform comprised two skirts from a second hand market. Again, grandma came to the rescue with school skirts, blouses and socks. It was not the custom for women to work then (1950s) we we existed on my dad's wage alone.

My parents considered education and study was for "posh" and "stuck up" people and being a student was "faffing about". They had no conception of the ability of people to raise themselves through education and qualifications. Every time my father saw me with a book open (even when I was revising for my GCE) he told me to get in the kitchen and help my mother.

When I qualified in a profession I began t move away from that kind of lifestyle and the process was completed when I left my parents home. It was never discussed in overt terms but they were well awate that I was moving away from a working class outlook and culture.

We have 2 children in a highly sought after independent school. We are no means wealthy but have spent many times over the years in the lives and wonderful homes of wealth. We have a lovely but by no means rich wealthy home or life and have sacrificed to educate our children. Although I am never jealous sometimes when we come home I feel what a different world we have just come from.

However over the years I have seen so many problems in their lives that all that money, big house, holidays cannot prevent, spousal lonliness, divorce, affairs, step children treated so differently. All having sometimes a devasting effect on the family unit and the children. The immense stress of sustaining that lifestyle on usually one earner.

I would love that wealth - I am not a saint but we enjoy the hospitality of these people and those that matter enjoy our hospitality in our more modest home, but I realised that all the lovely big houses, swimming pools and money and holidays sometimes really doesnt always satisfy basic human needs, it just hides it better. It does give a freedom from many problems but it never masks the real problems.

You take home €100k plus a month?

That was to @Cazzovuoi