Trying to get child to sleep

[Autumnally]

I have a 7yo who is not great at staying in his bed. This past month we have really cracked him going to sleep alone, and sometimes he makes it through til 4am or so before coming to find me in my bed. Recently it’s gone back to midnight/1am which really destroys my sleep. So right now I’m sat in his room having marched him back to bed. I’m so fucking exhausted and I’m sat here in the dark knowing that this will stop me sleeping when I do go back to bed and knowing that it may not be successful or may take ages. And it’s his first day of year 3 tomorrow so I’m feeling pretty mean, but if he comes to my bed he’s going to smother me by being too close and touching my hair. It’s driving me bonkers. Some bright spark is going to ask me why I’ve let it get to this point, but even though he’s always been a terrible sleeper, there have been better periods. He has ASD so expectations around sleep etc differ from other kids. But OMG I just need some sleep right now.

Sending a hug. 🤗

It is really hard trying to fire on all cylinders the next day when your ds is anxious about school and you are exhausted. My asd teen has never slept well and I can be up all hours.

Have you spoken to GP

My asd teen had melatonin although I know they are trying to phase it out a bit with children now. But they might be able to refer you to the nursing team or similar.

You are not alone 🤗

Thank you. You’re right, he probably is anxious so I’m probably not picking the best time to tackle this. But I’ve just had enough tonight. My 5yo has been sleeping through the night for a long time now and I’ve been patiently hoping that the 7yo would get there eventually but he never seems to. I’m a bit broken by it today.

I haven’t spoken to the GP. I find GPs are generally not so great with this kind of thing as not being medical per se. I remember having insomnia on and off as a kid, but I would read if I couldn’t sleep. I would definitely not have woken my parents at his age!! He seems to absolutely hate being alone

Gp's can be funny about it, I know as they will brush it off as part of the asd.

Alternatively you could contact the school nurse. As no sleep will impact his learning.

Does he like soft lighting that changes colour. That used to help my dd when younger. You can get a shape they like eg dinosaur.

Weighted blanket might also help if you havent got one.

I also sometimes have to check on dd first every five mins, then ten then twenty. I admit that can go on for hours and other times about 30 mins.

I think one of our challenges (and blessings) is that he generally presents as quite neurotypical. He masks incredibly well outside of the home and reserves the most difficult behaviour (which is physically and verbally aggressive) for home. He’s just told me I’m a terrible parent and he hates me and wishes I was dead (all feelings, not worth getting caught up in it). So whilst on one hand it’s excellent that he can function well in day to day life, it means that a) most people don’t know and b) wouldn’t believe me anyway. As he gets older he is becoming more and more quirky and socially inept. But I also think 7yo boys are largely just weird anyway. Most people probably think he’s just a bit nerdy and plays too much Minecraft (both true, though the Minecraft chat is excessive, he’s not actually allowed that much time on the switch).

I have thought about both weighted blanked and hot water bottle (winter) but DH is against both

I can’t tell if he’s asleep or awake but I daren’t move. He actually has a really massive room, maybe I should get one of those fold out bed chair things for him

I crept out on my hands and knees. But expect he will arrive shortly. He has gone to sleep at least but wonder if he will stay that way. Not hopeful.

My dd presents better at school, the senco should know this and so should the gp and school nurse. Dont be afraid or put off to ask for help because he presents better at school.

Aww hope he stays asleep for you

You can get a weighed blanket for his size or make one. I would not use the hot water bottle with the weighted blanket.

I’m back in my bed but hyper aware of all sounds.

I need to book in with the senco, haven’t seen her properly since pre-covid when he was newly diagnosed. She did help get him into school during the last lockdown which helped enormously.

I’m considering a therapist for him. It’s a big expense but wondering about working on some of his anxieties. Maybe that will help his sleep.

Finally slept about 0400 and child doesn’t remember being awake apparently 🤨

I am feeling quite zombie like today I can tell you!

Aww sounds a good plan. The school nurse might also be able to help.

It is strange when they often dont remember it in the morning.

If you are not working today and have no appointments etc I would try and get an hours nap in. 🤗

Why is dh against using a weighted blanket or hot water bottle? He’s not the one missing out on sleep is he.

Well I bought a weighted blanket last night as John Lewis had some reduced to clear. Child likes to completely wrap himself in duvet (and then overheats in summer) and I think he might be seeking that sensory ‘safe’ feeling.

He’s resisting sleep this evening because it’s soo blood hot. Hope he doesn’t have me up in the middle of the night again, but I’ve put a duvet in here just in case anyway! Will camp out on his floor.

Ive seen stretchy sheets advertised on fb as an alternative to weighted blankets. My asd ds loves both his WB and HWB. He sometimes wakes up but knows not to come in if there are stars on his clock. Melatonin also helped before he started school - now school wears him out so no need.

My son is a year older and has asd. He has melatonin and it really helps. The thing is, if he's lacking in melatonin then he won't be able to fall asleep.

Oh my gosh
Another lack of sleep night for me
Teen dd has anxiety abt school tomorrow and is worried in case a spider attacks her in the night. I have been in and out their room like a yoyo. Trying to get her calm.

He’s under a sheet tonight and has wrapped himself up in it. I’m in bed just waiting to drop off. Interesting I hadn’t thought about him being deficient in melatonin; he’s never needed as much sleep as other children his age.

@RoseMartha hope you get some sleep tonight

I sympathise. I have a 7 year old DD with ASD and are in a very similar situation.
She's still awake now- all I want to do is go to bed!
She'll be up probably twice in the night asking us to sit with her anywhere for up to 45 mins at a time. She has a weighted blanket and although she likes it still insists on one of us sitting with her until she sleeps. I would sleep next to her if she didn't insist on having all the lights on.
I hope the weighted blanket works for your DS and that you have a better night tonight.

On the melatonin- we had a check up with a paediatrician on Thursday specialising in ASD and I described how the lack of sleep is affecting us. She ruled out melatonin and said that our normal paediatrician would see her in 8 months. (Prob more like 18 months of past appts are anything to go by). All she said was oh yes that's very common in autistic children no help offered

My nearly 9 year old who is recently diagnosed with ASD sounds sosimilar- masked well at school for years, v anxious and also really struggles to fall & stay asleep (but has had better and worse phases over the years). Broken by years of lack of sleep, we now have a single bed alongside our double as well as a double in his bedroom. If he is having a good night, he reads and falls asleep in his room before 10pm and may or may not wake and come through to the spare single in ours. If he’s anxious/ struggling to fall asleep I lie with him in his double until he sleeps and again he may or may not come through. The spare bed takes the pressure off a bit and I don’t waste my sanity taking him back multiple times a night as I did for years-I was constantly ill through chronic sleep deprivation and caught every bug going!!! It was hell. Now, in the main I get to sleep all night and barely/don’t stir if he comes to the spare single in our room.

He can still rarely be exceptionally anxious and not fall asleep for hours but if it occurs I just put him in the spare bed in my room at 11, tell him not to disturb me but let him read (kindle paper white so no light needed) - and he eventually drops off …..

Daisy - have you tried an eye mask and just staying with her?

Well, I had a full night’s sleep! I’m not sure if he did, I think he may have gone through to the master bedroom and bothered DH.

He has a double bed and I’ve been very chilled about sleeping with him through the years, but he gets so close he hurts my back and won’t leave my hair alone.

I’m actually really grateful for all your comments, they make me feel a little less like a failure for not managing to get him sleeping better. I remember reading the gentle sleep book and that he would sleep and 7 being the sort of outside limit for sleep shenanigans but it doesn’t feel like we are there yet!

I'm glad you had a full night's sleep OP.
I hope you have a good night tonight.