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Original poster

How did you know you were going to be a good parent?

36 replies

Fanfix · 05/09/2021 20:50

NC'd for this.

I never wanted kids. Just not for me, was never interested in dolls or babysitting or choosing my future DC's names etc. Ive been around babies in my friend group and family and never once been broody.

Then in the last 18 months or so, things seem to be changing. I've started imagining my life as a parent. What would it look like? What type of parenting would I want to use? Who would I want in the theoretical DC's life?

I haven't spoken about this with anyone because I'm a tad worried tbh! It was never part of my plan, I dont know if this is a temporary feeling etc. I dont want to plan and, assuming everything was okay and I was lucky, bring a DC into this world and not be a good parent. Particularly as all I can think about right now are my character flaws (impatient, tend to worry, really like organisation and routine) which are definitely not DC friendly and I dont know whether that is the universe telling me not to consider doing this.

How did you know you were going to be a good parent?

OP posts:
toolazytothinkofausername · 05/09/2021 20:51

As I'm a good human being. I see an old folk get on the bus, bam I give them my seat.

Allthebubbles · 05/09/2021 20:53

I wanted to be a parent, I had a happy upbringing myself, my DH and I had a strong relationship. I worked with children as well. I don't think any of those things are essential but I think they helped give me confidence.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 05/09/2021 21:02

I didn't know - I just hoped! Children have a knack of 'growing you up' and turning you into the parent they need you to be.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
FireworkParrot · 05/09/2021 21:05

OP I tend to worry and like being organised. I'm definitely a firm believer in having a routine with my children as that is my natural preference and to be honest, I think children thrive off routine. So that part of my personality definitely hasn't impacted my parenting.....my DDs are happy, healthy and have a settled home life. The worrying is harder but to be honest I've accepted that I'll always worry about them, that's just part of being a mum.

I'm a good parent because I put the welfare of my children first, I let them know how loved they are every day and I try to teach them to be kind. I suppose I didn't know before I had them how I'd be as a parent but I knew I'd love them and love takes you a long way. DH and I also had a very solid relationship and view parenting as a team effort which has helped immeasurably.

Mariell · 05/09/2021 21:07

I had my first at 29 which I thought was a good age as I had done a lot of socialising up til then so was ready to fully commit to being a parent and putting a child’s needs first before my own which I wouldn’t have wanted to do when I was younger.

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2021 21:10

I just promised myself I would do better than my parents.
I don’t always get things right but my DC KNOW how much I love them and how I will always have their back

Guineapigbridge · 05/09/2021 21:12

I knew because my parents were good parents to me. And I prepared by reading lots of books.

I'm a routine and organisation person too, so I adopted routines in baby care. It really helped me and I'm certain it helped them too. Babies and children who have routines are calmer I think. Look up the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. It's old but good.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 05/09/2021 21:16

If you are worrying about whether you would be a good parent, that means you care, which must be a good start.

Original poster
Fanfix · 05/09/2021 21:21

Wow, thanks for all the responses all!

I think that's the bit that I'm struggling with - you never know what type of parent you'll be until you do it and by then, it's too late.

Thanks for those that talk about how they have used their organisational skills with kids. It's great to hear that routine can be useful for little ones. I guess I'm trying to work out if my personality/desired lifestyle etc would match with having a DC. This urge has come from absolutely nowhere and while I'm still batting off comments about being childless from my DM, I'm also looking up local schools and OFSTED reports ...

I've always assumed you're either a kid person or not. And I was fine with being a not. But I wasnt expecting this level of urge either! Has anyone experienced anything similar and have it turn out okay one way or the other?

OP posts:
Justgivemewine · 05/09/2021 21:21

You would be a good parent because you want to be.

But you need to accept that you will make mistakes because no one is perfect, that doesn’t mean you aren’t a good parent, you are just human.

Sometimes I think I’m a shit parent, but apparently I’m the best mum in the world according to my dc. I make mistakes but I do know my children know that I love them no matter what, and that is so important.

MotherWol · 05/09/2021 21:28

I didn’t, tbh. I didn’t want children for most of my twenties, not least because I had depression and I worried that would affect my ability to parent. By my early thirties I’d spent more time with friends and family’s children to understand that I actually enjoyed their company, and that I could be fun, patient and caring. It was a bit of a leap of faith, but I’ve found I’m capable of much more than I initially thought. In return, DD has been loving, kind, and a wonderful little human. It’s still the toughest thing I’ve ever done, and it really does test your relationship, but it’s worth it.

Allthebubbles · 05/09/2021 21:32

Children love and need routine. Mine are 7 and 10 and still have a bedtime routine- it's comforting and safe. It can vary and does more as they get older but we largely stick to it if nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

rubbletrouble · 05/09/2021 21:33

I don't think anyone really knows, I think they can say they have traits that on paper will help parent well,or they want to be a good parent, but no one really knows until it actually happens.

I was very impatient before and still am with others but not my son, it's weird.
I was also a people pleaser who would say yes to everyone and to my own detriment deliver everyone else's wants, not now.

There are loads of things that change and loads of things that stay the same, but in short you will never know until it happens.

EmeraldGreenVelvet · 05/09/2021 21:43

Because my own family life was lovely
Because I have always had a caring maternal streak for pets, dolls and people less fortunate, even as a small child.
Because I really wanted to be mum and was determined to give my babies my best.

Original poster
Fanfix · 05/09/2021 21:54

Thanks everyone - clearly I need to add wanting-data-that-doesnt-yet-exist to my list of flaws!

I totally understand those saying they knew they'd be a good parent because they wanted kids - this is the bit that's worrying me a little I guess - if my focus on not having DC was temporary (apparently!), what's to say this current urge wont be temporary too? And if it is, I cant imagine that would impact positively on anyone's parenting skills, least of all a self-confessed introvert with a love for quiet, routine and a good book ...

I'd love some kind of glimpse to know whether my personality is compatible with DC or if I'm kidding myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fanfix · 05/09/2021 21:57

Anyone know a good genie? Halo

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 05/09/2021 21:59

@Hoppinggreen

I just promised myself I would do better than my parents. I don’t always get things right but my DC KNOW how much I love them and how I will always have their back
Yes, this. Other than that I just did my best.
Aria2015 · 05/09/2021 22:04

I honestly didn't really think about what kind of parent I would be. I feel like I'm a good person and I come from a loving family and so I guess I just thought that would be enough and it has really. My mother is very loving and so I basically parent a lot like I was parented. I don't think about what kind of parent I am a lot as I think it's easy to get in your head about it. I just follow my instincts and try and out myself in my kids shoes and see things from their POV.

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2021 22:22

@Fanfix

Thanks everyone - clearly I need to add wanting-data-that-doesnt-yet-exist to my list of flaws!

I totally understand those saying they knew they'd be a good parent because they wanted kids - this is the bit that's worrying me a little I guess - if my focus on not having DC was temporary (apparently!), what's to say this current urge wont be temporary too? And if it is, I cant imagine that would impact positively on anyone's parenting skills, least of all a self-confessed introvert with a love for quiet, routine and a good book ...

I'd love some kind of glimpse to know whether my personality is compatible with DC or if I'm kidding myself.

I didn’t want children. Had no interest in them, didn’t play with dolls when I was younger etc. I managed to raise a bit of enthusiasm for my nephew and niece but that was it. I think the turning point for me was when a very close friend found she was infertile, I just assumed that if I ever DID want children I could have them. I was pretty chilled when we started trying and we said that if it didnt happen that was ok too.
Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2021 22:25

As for what kind of parent I would be i said to DD16 that I always thought I would be a sort of glam slightly aloof mother.
She laughed and asked how that was working out for me!

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2021 22:26

If I had to sum up good parenting in 2 words I would say love and boundaries

Ionlydomassiveones · 05/09/2021 22:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

PermanentTemporary · 05/09/2021 22:30

I thought I'd be a fabulous parent becauseI was interested in what children say and how they think; I take them seriously, including play and jokes. I'm not, in fact, that good at it. I'm lazy and prefer reading; ds doesn't really read at all. I'm very very bad at basic organisational stuff but have got a bit better at it with enormous support from my late husband. Sadly I turned out to be terrible at imaginative play. Neither ds nor I are very cuddly. I'm essentially good at chat, and facilitating a social life. I'm good enough.

Question10 · 05/09/2021 22:40

I felt like you. I never thought I wanted children. I just didn’t get “it” and thought it wasn’t for me. I loved my life as it is … eating out, free time, holidays etc. My hubby and I would always tell people that we couldn’t really see children in our future. Then when I was in my early 30s, something changed. Just like you described. I suddenly had a feeling “what if” “do I want this?”. Anyway… the rest is history. I have a 4 year old little girl and she is my world. We only have the 1 and won’t have another … the early days were HARD. But today I’ve been out for brunch, a walk in the park, had a nice bbq and read my newspaper. All the things I used to like to do. The difference is that I have the most special little girl by my side.

Question10 · 05/09/2021 22:41

Just realised … I didn’t answer your question! I didn’t know I was going to be a good parent … I just had to go on my gut instinct and hope for the best!!