How did you know you were going to be a good parent?

[Fanfix]

NC'd for this.

I never wanted kids. Just not for me, was never interested in dolls or babysitting or choosing my future DC's names etc. Ive been around babies in my friend group and family and never once been broody.

Then in the last 18 months or so, things seem to be changing. I've started imagining my life as a parent. What would it look like? What type of parenting would I want to use? Who would I want in the theoretical DC's life?

I haven't spoken about this with anyone because I'm a tad worried tbh! It was never part of my plan, I dont know if this is a temporary feeling etc. I dont want to plan and, assuming everything was okay and I was lucky, bring a DC into this world and not be a good parent. Particularly as all I can think about right now are my character flaws (impatient, tend to worry, really like organisation and routine) which are definitely not DC friendly and I dont know whether that is the universe telling me not to consider doing this.

How did you know you were going to be a good parent?

I don't think that anyone ever knows. Being able to/ being strong enough to always put others (dc) needs and wants above your own is a good starter.

Thanks everyone.

Its really great to hear from people who may not have been the type to want DC from a young age.

I've read a few of the "do you regret having DC" threads on here and honestly, that's my worse nightmare. I'm not sure if it's better for me to regret not having DC than my theoretical DC feeling unwanted.

Tough work this adulting thing isnt it?!

You don't need to be a good parent, just good enough. There is no manual, you just dive in...

I'm a bit rubbish at it at times - but the kids are happy and healthy and off to uni as strong, independent women, who want to come "home" for the holidays - so it didn't go too badly.

I had no idea if I was going to be a good parent but I knew I would give it my all.
My parents weren’t very good parents and my whole life I had thought I’d I ever had my own children I wouldn’t do the things they did. I have worked my arse off In life to ensure I am nothing like either one of my parents. I love them dearly but don’t want to be like them.
I am a mother to a 2 year old now and I think I’m a good mum.
She’s healthy, well looked after, I always have food in the house and we do lots of nice things. I am very selfless, probably too selfless actually it wouldn’t kill me to put myself first once in a while but as I had very selfish parents I can’t bring myself to do that with my child

I get what you mean about those regretting having children threads. But for every thread like that there is another about what a joy being a parent can be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s bloody hard work. You do have to sacrifice a lot, I found particularly in the early days. But for me, the LOVE I feel for my daughter is indescribable. I never knew I could feel this.
Do you mind me asking how old you are? And also what your partner thinks?

I didn't. I've been doing it for twenty years and I'm still not sure. But they are all healthy, happy, confident and kind individuals so we must be doing ok at it somehow.

Thanks again everyone - it's really uplifting to hear how well it is all going for you all - congratulations, that doesn't happen easy!

@Question10 of course, I'm 29. My DP and I have been together for 5ish years and bought a house together about 18 months ago. We had the chat about kids pretty early on and we were both on the same page I.e. not for us right now, that may change but we both doubted it.

I'm trying to work out if it has actually changed for me or whether this is a temporary "what if?" thing before I open that can of worms

At 29 I was still very determined I wasn’t having DC but I had DD at 33 and DS at 37
You may never want children and that’s Fine but equally you might.
You will never really know if the decision you make is right because there’s no parallel universe you can observe your other life in.

I don't think I'm a good parent or ever thought I would be. But I aspire to be a good parent. I live my children, do anything for them. Try my best to put them first and give them a happy life / childhood

When my partner and I first got together in our early twenties we knew we didn't want kids at that point, but might in the future, so we just decided we'd reassess when I reached 35.
At that point we'd come round to the idea as a positive thing that we were both ready for and I had my first ds at 35 and my second at 39.

In terms of knowing in advance whether I'd make a good parent I figured I'd had good example of parenting from my parents and I'd probably middle along ok.

Thanks everyone.

I think I need to do some more thinking but its been really useful to hear everyone's experiences.