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Original poster

When did you feel "done"?

54 replies

Warrickdaviesasplates · 05/09/2021 15:45

After having DD (8) I didn't want another child for about four years, not that I thought I'd want one in the future but that I felt I never wanted any more children. Then I started getting broody when she was about four.

Had DS (2) a few years later and even when I was pregnant I kept thinking that this wouldn't be the last baby.

Fell pregnant again with DS2 (2 months) while still breastfeeding so it was a surprise but a very welcome one.

Dh and I both said three kids is more than enough, we will be done after three. However now DH is speaking about how much he is determined to enjoy ds2 as our last baby... and I'm not feeling like I'm ready for this to be my last.

DS2 is still tiny so I obviously don't want to get pregnant now, but I'm not feeling like I can say for sure that I never want to have another baby, be pregnant or give birth again.

Is this a feeling that will go away once my hormones calm down a little and all the dc get bigger? Did anyone really feel done and never look back on that decision?

OP posts:
Original poster
Warrickdaviesasplates · 05/09/2021 15:48

This is just something I've been thinking about and am interested in how other people feel or have felt. I know that realistically DC3 is my last baby as our circumstances wouldn't allow us to have more (barring a lottery win) and if DH says he doesn't want more then that's that because the person who doesn't want a baby gets final say.

OP posts:
Tittyfilarious81 · 05/09/2021 15:53

Hi op I believe you know when your family is complete it's a feeling you get , knew when I had my 2nd child that our family was done it felt complete and finished .

Barkingdog · 05/09/2021 15:55

I knew when pregnant with DC2 that I didn't want any more. I had my one remaining tube removed when DC was three weeks' old and have never regretted it.

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621CustardCream438 · 05/09/2021 16:53

As soon as I was pregnant and being violently sick with DC2 I knew I was done after that pregnancy, barring tragedy. I thought I might change my mind after the birth, but actually I’ve stayed done ever since. The further I get from the baby stage the more certain I am that those days were lovely in so many ways but they’re also over. Baby stuff was given away as soon as it was finished with, new car was chosen on the basis we were sticking at two and I no longer even think hypothetically about a third. We could afford more, I’m young enough I could probably have more, and the age gap between children wouldn’t be massive, so in theory we could have another baby but emotionally I’d be absolutely devastated to fall pregnant now. I feel very fortunate to have the family I wanted and to feel “done” and at peace with that - I’m keenly aware a lot of people never get that for lots of reasons.

HumunaHey · 05/09/2021 17:18

For me, being pregnant and giving birth was a means to an end even though I had straightforwardpregnancies and births. I am most certainly done now I have two.

DS2 is just 6 weeks and, while I'm enjoying the baby cuddles, I'm very much looking forward to the slog of caring for a baby being permanently behind me. I'm also looking forward to getting my body back in to shape knowing I won't be going back to square one.

Fundays12 · 05/09/2021 17:22

I thought it was done when I was pregnant with dc3. I did miss get a bit clucky over newborns when he was year but I feel done. My kids are 9, nearly 5 and 2. I am starting to feel that I can get back to meeting with friends more etc and will not give this up

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 05/09/2021 17:26

Mine are 10 and 6. I couldn’t contemplate a second until first was 3. So once I got past age three with the second one and had no broodiness I knew I was done. Had very, very brief period of wanting another but it passed quickly so think that was a hormonal last hoorah.

ISpyCobraKai · 05/09/2021 17:26

I felt done after one.
She's 20 and I've never wavered.

StillUpholding · 05/09/2021 17:33

I’m expecting DC2 and have no doubt that, all being well with this baby, we will be stopping at 2. No desire to do pregnancy again at all and I don’t expect to change my mind. It’s also a financial and logistical decision - we have plans for the future that don’t work with another DC and I’m hoping that might rein in any broodiness Grin

RandomMess · 05/09/2021 17:36

I never felt done but agreed that DC4 would be the last, I would have happily carried on 🤷🏽‍♀️

peanutnest · 05/09/2021 18:01

I'm stopping at one!

Mostly for medical reasons - HG, heavy bleeding during pregnancy, premature birth and a very unwell baby as a result (with a 9x higher risk of another preemie - which, personally, I am not willing to take while we have DS) and horrendous PND.

At least the conception and birth were fine 🙈

purpledagger · 05/09/2021 19:05

I always wanted two and we have two.

It was quite a practical decision, based on what kind of life we wanted for our family. I know lots of families who are larger then ours, but with less resources, who are just as happy as we are, so I guess it has opened my eyes to possibilities, but I've never regretted the decision.

RowanAlong · 05/09/2021 19:53

I’d never get my body to agree that I’m done, so used my head and worked out how many children we could practically afford/ manage, then DH got the snip.

Greenmarmalade · 05/09/2021 19:56

I don’t feel done, but definitely do whenever all 4 kids get a sickness bug. I won’t be having more as DH doesn’t want more.

mamaca · 05/09/2021 20:01

I'm coming to the end of mat leave with my third and final child - pregnancy wasn't straightforward with any of my children, and also suffered losses...I couldn't bear to go through the stress of it all again and feel very grateful to have my three. I feel satisfied now, after having DC2 I didn't have the same feeling that I do now, I think if I had stuck at two I would have always wondered what life would have been like with a third.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 05/09/2021 20:01

I knew I was done after my first and only child. Never wanted more. DS is 8 and I've never wavered with that decision. I'd love to get my tubes tied but they said I'm too young. I'm not in a relationship so at least I won't have any pregnancy scares.

ISpyCobraKai · 05/09/2021 20:05

@Waxonwaxoff10
I had my tubes tied at 30.

PhiRhoSigma · 05/09/2021 20:12

Definitely felt 'done' after three. Made our family a nice gang, that bit more lively and fun than only two.
Just for practical reasons, four seemed too much. Never looked back or regretted stopping at three.

PaperDolphin · 05/09/2021 20:14

I knew I was done when I had my 2nd. Just felt very sure and he's now 3 and I can't imagine that ever changing. I just had a feeling of completeness. Fortunately dh felt the same and has had a vasectomy. When I had my first I knew I wanted another the second I had given birth.

tigerbread20 · 05/09/2021 20:15

I recently had DC3 and whilst I was being seen up from c section I knew he was my last and felt a relief that I wouldn’t have to go through that again as our family was complete.

It was a relief as I thought I’d never feel done

tigerbread20 · 05/09/2021 20:16

*sewn

TheGriffle · 05/09/2021 20:17

We’re stopping at 2. I loved being pregnant (and strangely giving birth) but my youngest is now 4 and the thought of doing it all again seems exhausting.

If money was no object I’d have kept on having them though. I don’t feel done as I’d love to be pregnant again, just wouldn’t want to parent the child at the end of it so I know I am done.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 05/09/2021 20:18

[quote ISpyCobraKai]@Waxonwaxoff10
I had my tubes tied at 30.[/quote]
I'm 31 and told I'm too young. But I know men my age who have had vasectomies. Hmm

BillyJoe111 · 05/09/2021 20:24

I have big age gaps between my children as I didn’t want to not have a child at home ever (most peoples nightmare I know 😂), and I have crap pregnancies so I didn’t want too many and needed years in between to work up the courage to go it again. It’s honestly 9 months that I have to plan to take off life. I can’t move without being sick, can’t even look at something moving in my peripheral vision without being sick, have to lay in a dark room all the way through. So it’s not compatible with having a very young child around.

I’ve got 19, 8 and 12 months.

I never thought I would be lucky enough to have a third, she was born last year when I was 40.

I would love to have a fourth but I’ve pushed my luck. 3 sections and the last was an awful recovery. And my pregnancies really are. awful - 24 hour sickness from 6 weeks until birth, even the strongest anti sickness drugs only take the edge off.

So I’m done now because I have to be.

ISpyCobraKai · 05/09/2021 20:26

I'd had a termination, and I told the Doctor I'd keep on having terminations if I was ever pregnant again.
He looked at me like I was shit but agreed to it.
FWIW I had a mirena coil when I got pg, which obvs he knew as it was in my notes and I told him.