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Original poster

Funny comeback to nosey people

36 replies

Winnona · 05/09/2021 09:27

This is on behalf of my DM. She has a friend who married a man a fair bit older than her who was widowed. They had been married 7 years when last year during the pandemic he said he had to leave Australia where they live, and go to his son in London as he was suicidal. The thing is his son is in London, he bought a house in Devon. Anyway not much contact between them and he has now admitted to her it is over.

She is beside herself, on anti depressants, having counselling. The problem is she is too afraid to go back to the bridge club as everyone keeps asking her where her ex husband is, when is he coming back. People have been asking my Mum too, who has just been ignoring the questions. What she would like is a funny explanation she can give as to where her twat of an ex is to all the nosey old bridge ladies. He isn't going back to Australia. TIA

OP posts:

SeriouslyISuppose · 05/09/2021 09:29

Why does she want a ‘funny comeback’ over something she has presumably experienced as deeply hurtful? Just say ‘We broke up’?

PepsiHoover · 05/09/2021 09:30

How about:

I had him bumped off
He caught Covid, thank god
He's a selfish twat who made up an excuse to fuck off back to England rather than admit our relationship was over
I don't know where he is, do you?

CormoranStrike · 05/09/2021 09:31

“I’m divorcing him” or “we are no longer together”

That is answer enough.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems

SquirryTheSquirrel · 05/09/2021 09:33

'He went out to buy some groceries. That was two years ago ... wonder what's keeping him?'

'Where is he? Don't know. Don't care, either.'

Sorry your DM is going through such a horrible time. Has she tried just telling these nosy parkers that they've split up for good, end of story?

Original poster

Winnona · 05/09/2021 09:33

@SeriouslyISuppose because she just wants then to stop gossiping about her. She is upset enough without being the topic of their tea break.

I like the bottom two thank you @PepsiHoover will pass them on!

OP posts:

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 05/09/2021 09:41

SeriouslyISuppose because she just wants then to stop gossiping about her. She is upset enough without being the topic of their tea break

Sounds like they only keep asking because they care for her and she's being evasive. Either they're her friends and she wants to tell them so they can offer support for her, or they're not really her friends in which case she needs to think about whether she wants to spend time with them anyway?

In either case a quick, direct, answer like we are divorcing is the path of easiest resistance

SeriouslyISuppose · 05/09/2021 09:42

@DominicRaabsTravelAgent

SeriouslyISuppose because she just wants then to stop gossiping about her. She is upset enough without being the topic of their tea break

In either case a quick, direct, answer like we are divorcing is the path of easiest resistance

Yes, exactly. ‘Funny comebacks’ aren’t going to stop the gossips, or reassure any people who genuinely care about her.

Geamhradh · 05/09/2021 09:43

The relationship didn't work out.

Will shut them up far quicker than totes hilarious comebacks.

ActonSquirrel · 05/09/2021 09:43

I don't get this.

If she can't tell them they've broken up, and she thinks they're nosy and gossipy to the extent of wanting pithy comments to say to them...why is she in a bridge club with them?

Doesn't sound as if they like each other at all.

Bizaree

Glenthebattleostrich · 05/09/2021 09:44

We decided to see if the old saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is true. So far it hasn't so I have suggested making his absence permanent.

ShuddaBeenMe · 05/09/2021 09:49

Why do you want to know?

Noshowwithoutpunch · 05/09/2021 09:52

Let's face it they are bound to wonder where her husband is - I would.
If she doesn't want them to gossip she just needs to tell them he was having family issues and needed to move back to the UK and you've mutually decided to end the relationship.
Cut dead any further questions with " Thanks for your concern but I'd rather not talk about it", then smile and carry on with the game.

ActonSquirrel · 05/09/2021 09:59

When the term nosey old bridge ladies is used to describe them perhaps they aren't the nasty ones.

Who wouldn't ask where someone's husband was?

BrozTito · 05/09/2021 10:02

This is why people are always being murdered playing bridge.

PaulaTrilloe · 05/09/2021 10:08

Saying he is dead (to her) might stop them in their tracks? (Bit extreme but sounds like he isn't coming back!)
Might not work if he is on social media tho

PearlyRising · 05/09/2021 10:10

Oh that's awful. I agree that ''We broke up and I can't talk about it at bridge!, so did you go to lake como Marjorie?''

Is the best approach.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 05/09/2021 10:10

A 'funny' responce is going to add to the mystery which will make people gossip more because they dont have a straight answer.

Also, when it eventually becomes known that they broke up the 'funny responces' are going to look a bit odd in hindsight. Just tell the truth.

PearlyRising · 05/09/2021 10:16

There is a certain type of person who wants to gossip about you. Different circs but I left an abusive man with two small DC 14 years ago and even then I recognised that some people very settled in to their mundane, predictable lives wanted somebody to talk about
The only thing you can do is give them the truth but deliver it in a dull way. ''I don't know where he is because we're not together anymore''.

If they ask why, say ''oh gosh that'd be very personal for Bridge don't you think!!!''

You can't get ahead of all of the gossips though. One woman spread it about that I was sleeping with a married man when her aunt saw me and a divorced man at a hotel. She didn't know him as he wasn't local but she went ahead and assumed and spread it around our town.

Some people just gossip and it'd be a shame to avoid everybody at bridge as I bet most are kind people there who won't need or ask for the details , they'll just want to make it clear that they're there if she needs a bit of company.

Mariell · 05/09/2021 10:16

Get your mother to watch a couple of episodes of Fawlty Towers so she can perfect her reply to nosy questions -

“I know nothing!”

Aposterhasnoname · 05/09/2021 10:17

Funny comebacks will do the exact opposite of stopping gossip, people will think there’s some interesting back story if she refuses to tell them straight. Just say we broke up, and he’s gone to England. There’ll be five minutes of talk, then on to more interesting things like what happened to Muriel at number 11s husband cos she’s refusing to say, so it’s must be shocking.

PuppyMonkey · 05/09/2021 10:18

Another one here thinking why try to be funny about it. It would be really really weird if the club members DIDN’T enquire about her other half imho. Doesn’t mean they’re nosy or planning to spend all night gossiping about it. Just means they are interested in their friends.

SmileyClare · 05/09/2021 10:21

Your mum's friend probably isn't at the stage of being able to make light of what happened yet.

I can see why she might feel afraid of facing her friends at bridge. She's probably humiliated and embarrassed to tell them the truth and her confidence hasn't taken a battering.

Hopefully her counselling sessions will help her to come to terms with it and she'll feel strong enough to get back out there.

In the meantime, "we split up and he's moved back to England, I'm finding it hard to talk about" should suffice.

Your mum could say the same if asked instead of avoiding all questions and creating more intrigue.

Ponypizzy · 05/09/2021 10:47

When my friend broke up with her boyfriend he called back at the house to pick up some stuff and one of the neighbours asked him where he had been as she hadn’t seen him much. He told her he had been in prison. That shut her up.

Original poster

Winnona · 05/09/2021 11:04

Haha @Glenthebattleostrich
I know she should just tell them, but she gets very upset talking about it.

The people who are asking are not her friends, her friends all know. These are just people she sees at bridge only, her friends that go there see each other outside of bridge eg they had a dinner party last night. You have it bang on @PearlyRising. I don't think, well would like to hope they don't realize she is extremely upset by the whole thing. I hope things have improved for you.

She wants a funny comeback. I can see she wants to laugh at them rather than put up with their faux concern, when all they will do is talk behind her back. One particularly nasty one texted my mother last night asking what is going on as people are beginning to talk. She doesn't owe them an explanation of her personal life imo.

Haha dead might shut them up @PaulaTrilloe.

No she probably isn't @SmileyClare, but equally she doesn't want to start publicly crying at the bridge table so has been avoiding the club, which is a shame. She still plays at one club where they are less gossipy. The people that are doing it are not the ones she is friends with, they are the ones she is least close to, her friends there know, but obviously don't want to tell people without her permission.

Yes she is finding it hard to talk about might be best from my Mum. She just needs them to back off so she can try to get on with her life. It is awful seeing her so upset. Hopefully the anti depressants and counselling start to help. I will suggest my Mum replies to the one who keeps texting her asking with that. I find it quite disgusting really, they are like vultures and no, the ones who keep asking do not care about her, they just want something to talk about .

Thank you all.

OP posts:

SmileyClare · 05/09/2021 11:54

she still plays at one club where they are less gossipy

I would advise her to leave the other bridge club. They've proven themselves to be gossips and aren't really her friends. Why bother going back?

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