Funny comeback to nosey people

[Winnona]

This is on behalf of my DM. She has a friend who married a man a fair bit older than her who was widowed. They had been married 7 years when last year during the pandemic he said he had to leave Australia where they live, and go to his son in London as he was suicidal. The thing is his son is in London, he bought a house in Devon. Anyway not much contact between them and he has now admitted to her it is over.

She is beside herself, on anti depressants, having counselling. The problem is she is too afraid to go back to the bridge club as everyone keeps asking her where her ex husband is, when is he coming back. People have been asking my Mum too, who has just been ignoring the questions. What she would like is a funny explanation she can give as to where her twat of an ex is to all the nosey old bridge ladies. He isn't going back to Australia. TIA

@SmileyClare that is what she has been doing, only playing at the 'non gossipy' one. I think you are right, she is best just sticking with that one. Thank you!!

I’d always suggest the truth. Far less exciting than a funny comeback.
Widows also go through this.

Poor woman. They need your mum to tell them to wind their necks in as they're upsetting her.
Pleased she's talking to her real friends though

So you attend a club which married couple Sue and John regularly attend.
One week Sue attends on her own, fair enough John might be ill/have an appointment. But this carries on for week after week no sign of John.
Would people really not ask where John was? Just carry on as if he had never existed?
No wonder people complain about the world being a lonely place and no one cares about them.

@Fairyliz

So you attend a club which married couple Sue and John regularly attend. One week Sue attends on her own, fair enough John might be ill/have an appointment. But this carries on for week after week no sign of John. Would people really not ask where John was? Just carry on as if he had never existed? No wonder people complain about the world being a lonely place and no one cares about them.

Honestly, that was my first thought, but OP has gone on to explain a bit more of the bridge club dynamic.

Turns out the old Pomme couldn't hack being around all the venomous critters in Australia.

Let them read into that what they may.

Just simply say ‘we’ve decided to split up, I’m not going to discuss it any further’

'He couldn't keep up with my sexual demands so I dumped him. I'm now looking for a younger model.'

That should shut them up.

Saying he is dead (to her) might stop them in their tracks?

Without any further info, it might get them calling the police!

Your guess is as good as mine
He took a one way trip to Twatville
Who?
I'd ask Derek Acorah but he's dead
He's in Witness Protection. I could tell you where but then I'd have to kill you.

We've split up. Now stop harping on about it because I'm not discussing the details.

I dumped him cos he was a right nosey bastard and kept asking about things that were none of his business.