What is one conversation you’ll never have but wish you could have? **Trigger Warning** title edited by MNHQ

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Please don’t judge me.

If totally honesty was on the table, I’d love to ask the teenage boy who raped me, what he made of his actions now he is a grown —married— man.

I’d secretly love to know if he’s sorry for his actions. Or even if he acknowledges what he did.

Humour me perhap but is there a conversation you’d love to have?

Thanks for replying.
I’m thinking of each of you; and reading/re-reading this thread.

I would help my mother understand far more clearly and pick through how abusive my brother was to me, and that she can love him but she she needs to understand that I also needed to be protected from him and his jealousy etc was over bearing and how he thinks is wrong and I have rights that she should as our mother enforce.

I would talk to my son and tell him that he is so so loved and that we would have got him the help he needed to enable him to live a good life.
I would tell him that he couldn't have destroyed our love for him.
I would tell him that I'm sorry that I couldn't save him.

I'd like to ask my biological father how he was able to be a misogynistic prick for the majority of his life and then in his 60s decide to become a woman.

I mean, how do you repeatedly cheat on your wife and subsequently abandon her and your daughters/sons and then in later life decide to transition into and live life as a woman?

I have the utmost respect for trans people, genuinely I do, but the thought of this person demanding the same rights and respect as my mother who was put through hell by this nobhead in such a gender specific way makes my blood boil.

Reading all these comments made me think about my own past hurts. I have just an anonymous Instagram account to post about domestic violence etc. I tagged my perpetrator in the posts. I am sure he is still doing it, people that angry & abusive don’t change. It was a very long time ago & I doubt he ever thinks about it. But I do.

It's interesting to see so many questions relating to rape/sexual assault. I would have liked to know those same answers in my case too (stranger rape), but I know I never will.

However, many years ago, in trying to come to terms with what happened, I did read many books by survivors, and that in turn led to interviews with people who perturbated those crimes (yes, it was dark!). It was upsetting to read, but there is a very common theme. In general there is no remorse, they knew exactly what they were doing, and didn't care, and it's almost never a once off crime. They've done it to others too.

So me me, it is not longer a question I feel I need to ask, since I know the most likely answer (based on my reading).

Here is one such reference: www.nytimes.com/2017/10/30/health/men-rape-sexual-assault.html

@SolitaryTree
You can know for certain lovely. It was categorically NOT your fault. You did nothing to deserve it .
So many awful stories of children and young adults suffering at the hands of those who should have protected them.
So shocking to read and to all of you so v sorry you were failed so badly x

@flapjackfairy On an “I’m an adult now and can see things from an adult point of view” level I know it wasn’t my fault.

There’s a part of me that still worries though and wonders if I could have prevented more of it.
I guess I have more work to do on myself.
Thank you though.
I suppose it would just come as part of the question opportunity to hear them say it was not my fault.
I’m so sorry to read all the crappy things others have been through.

I would ask my recently deceased mother why I couldn’t do a damn thing right the whole of my life from being ‘a confounded nuisance’ when I was two and a complete disappointment right until her death.

I would ask my recently deceased father why he didn’t give my siblings and I our rightful inheritances from his parents when the money would have made an immense difference to my life?

And why he and my mother never ever showed any affection or pride in my achievements despite their lack of interest or support.

I would like to ask my father in front of his entire ex work colleagues and family and everyone else why in private he felt it was ok and justified to punch me day in and day out with his fists for getting a maths question wrong or not tip toeing quiet enough for him and why he hides his true self as a narcissist physical abuser from others

@YanTanTethera123

I would ask my recently deceased mother why I couldn’t do a damn thing right the whole of my life from being ‘a confounded nuisance’ when I was two and a complete disappointment right until her death.

I would ask my recently deceased father why he didn’t give my siblings and I our rightful inheritances from his parents when the money would have made an immense difference to my life?

And why he and my mother never ever showed any affection or pride in my achievements despite their lack of interest or support.

I could hug you. Same as my parents. Arseholes. I shouldn’t wish any pain on anyone but I do hope he has long and slow death agonising with plenty of mental capacity to reflect

I wish I could make my mother realuse the damage she's caused me by her treatment of me wrt my sibling. I've tried telling her but she doesn't want to know.

I know it's been hard for her being bullied by her eldest for many years, but why was throwing me under the bus fair? I hate the fact that our relationship is so poor and she doesn't realise.

Many times I've desperately wanted a conversation with her, not least after I was raped. But the fear of hearing 'I have to tell X, she's your sister' has held me back. It's none of her business and I can't face being quizzed forever after. But keeping her happy is far more important than looking after me.

Thank you @OmgIcantbelieveshedidit, thank you 🤗

I would ask my MIL why she thinks it's OK for her husband to treat DH in a way that is totally different to the children they share. Why has DH never been a priority. Why she couldn't be bothered to even get him a card for his 21st. I'd ask her whether she has actually ever considered how unpleasantly his stepfather talks to him.

I can't because it isn't my place to. She's staying with us for a week from this afternoon and I do a masterclass in tongue biting.

I'd ask my parents if they really didn't notice a difference in their only daughter aged 9 changing from a happy, innocent child into a lonely, tortured depressive after being abused by a neighbour? Therapists say I did too good a job of keeping it secret, as instructed to do so by the abuser & threatened if I didn't, but surely there must have been signs?

Hard. So hard. I’m sorry.