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Original poster

Help for homeless 16 year old

66 replies

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 19:19

I’ve name changed for this as it could be outing but I am desperate for help/advice. 2 weeks ago my daughter’s 16 year old friend was thrown out of her family home by her mother. All her belongings put out in bin bags on the pavement at night in the rain. Baby photos, passport included. Since then she has been staying at various friends’ houses, including mine.

Her mother has not been in contact with her to find out how she is or where she is. The rest of the family have also turned their backs. I won’t go into too much detail about what has gone on but I can say with confidence that this girl does not deserve to be treated like this. I think the mum has chosen step dad over her own daughter.

Anyway, social worker wants to place her over an hour a way from our local area. She is due to start college on Monday and has a job here so that would be disastrous for her, not to mention being alone and vulnerable away from friends etc. How the hell can I help?

She can keep moving around between friends but that’s not sustainable, she needs a base. We are currently looking at student accommodation for her but not sure if they’ll accept a 16 year old? Does anyone know what benefits she might be entitled to? I’m going to take her to college on Monday and see if we can chat to the welfare team. I’d appreciate any input. Thanks.

OP posts:
cheesepizza22 · 04/09/2021 19:21

The local authority will have a duty of care under the homeless act, social care may get involved as under s20 she can sign herself into the care of the LA.
If you google your local council homelessness, they will assess her situation and offer a foyer/ supported accommodation.

cheesepizza22 · 04/09/2021 19:22

Sorry posted too soon! - if she's in Education she will have to accommodated locally - hope that helps.

Original poster
Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 19:23

@cheesepizza22 - yes, social services are involved but the social worker is saying the only accommodation available is over an hours drive away - a 2 hour bus journey.

OP posts:

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16 year olds
TheCanyon · 04/09/2021 19:24

I stayed in college catered halls of residence from when I was 15, but obviously it will depend on the college. I

Thank you for helping this kid.

Original poster
Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 19:24

@cheesepizza22 - just read your last bit. That sounds hopeful. Thank you.

OP posts:
cheesepizza22 · 04/09/2021 19:25

That's really annoying! I'd still complete a duty to refer via the homelessness section for your area but push the fact she needs to stay local for education purposes.

Original poster
Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 19:27

@TheCanyon - thanks. Her college don’t have halls of residence but there are generic student halls and houses in the area. I’m just not sure if she is eligible for them. I’ll ask when I take her on Monday.

OP posts:
Xdecd · 04/09/2021 19:29

OP in the situation you've described I would strongly encourage her to agree to go into the local authority's care (signing Section 20 agreement) if she hasn't already. This will give her a lot more rights and protection in future, including financial support and accommodation until she turns 18 and beyond. This will be a better deal for her than trying to become independent at 16.

The best thing you can do is act as an advocate for her (if she is willing). Push her social worker for somewhere closer to college, possibly a foster care placement if there's one available.

impatientwatcher · 04/09/2021 19:32

They may insist she has to be in 'supported' housing. Look for local charities that offer advice for teenagers. There will almost certainly be one that can give specialist benefit advice and knows how your local authority will house teenagers. Unfortunately it's not uncommon for parents to decide they are done with their kids when they turn 16.

Original poster
Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 19:34

@Xdecd - I was thinking that but I just don’t know any more. I feel that if she goes where her social worker has found I just think she’ll choose the wrong path. At the moment she has a job, friends, a college place. She is very grown up and independent. I don’t want the system to mess her up 🙁

OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 04/09/2021 19:39

I would absolutely push with the SW for a placement nearby and state the reasons you have here.

They have a duty of care to this young lady and taking her away from all her opportunities is actually detrimental.

I agree about asking about foster placements for teens.

Would any of you who've helped so far be in a position to offer her a home if SS agreed?

legoriakelne · 04/09/2021 19:52

[quote Sad16yearold]@Xdecd - I was thinking that but I just don’t know any more. I feel that if she goes where her social worker has found I just think she’ll choose the wrong path. At the moment she has a job, friends, a college place. She is very grown up and independent. I don’t want the system to mess her up 🙁[/quote]
Don't underestimate how much of a difference it can make for her to have an assertive adult in her corner who is prepared to speak up and push for her.

Both in terms of getting more appropriate responses from authorities, and in her reaching adulthood feeling she is valuable as a person and deserves to be cared for and treated decently.

LegendaryReady · 04/09/2021 19:54

Try taling to the pastoral care people at the college too. They will have seen this before and know what support is available locally.

idsisatwat · 04/09/2021 20:01

She should be able to claim universal credit as she’s estranged from her parents

legoriakelne · 04/09/2021 20:03

Also, whilst 16 yo children in adverse circumstances may well appear grown up and independent - because they have no choice in order to survive - cognitively they are children who won't be fully developed for nearly another decade and they also do not have the experience of an older adult to know how to navigate things like this. To be have the skills to advocate for themselves in the face of bureaucracy, to recognise when they're being let down or exploited, to have the emotional skills to cope alone in the world, to call upon a network...

Never mind the effects of the trauma she's experienced, which will be significant even if you can't see it.

We all sort of say "oh isn't it great how grown up Beth is in response to her difficult life" and take comfort from that like it makes the horrible situation ok, with the tendency to then back off and treat that child like a 30 yo instead of a 16 yo, but it is damaging when children are forced to take on adult responsibilities without the steering, support and safety net of an older caring adult behind them to teach and mentor and encourage.

Obviously you don't take even more control away and start trampling her, but don't get lulled into a false sense of viewing her as an adult.

(I know it's not your responsibility to do all this and it's awful that you need to intervene, I'm commenting from the perspective that you've already decided you want to step up for her.)

MurielSpriggs · 04/09/2021 20:18

No advice, no idea what I would do either, I just wanted to say what a fantastic thing you're doing for this girl. Daffodil

SirVixofVixHall · 04/09/2021 20:24

@legoriakelne

Also, whilst 16 yo children in adverse circumstances may well appear grown up and independent - because they have no choice in order to survive - cognitively they are children who won't be fully developed for nearly another decade and they also do not have the experience of an older adult to know how to navigate things like this. To be have the skills to advocate for themselves in the face of bureaucracy, to recognise when they're being let down or exploited, to have the emotional skills to cope alone in the world, to call upon a network...

Never mind the effects of the trauma she's experienced, which will be significant even if you can't see it.

We all sort of say "oh isn't it great how grown up Beth is in response to her difficult life" and take comfort from that like it makes the horrible situation ok, with the tendency to then back off and treat that child like a 30 yo instead of a 16 yo, but it is damaging when children are forced to take on adult responsibilities without the steering, support and safety net of an older caring adult behind them to teach and mentor and encourage.

Obviously you don't take even more control away and start trampling her, but don't get lulled into a false sense of viewing her as an adult.

(I know it's not your responsibility to do all this and it's awful that you need to intervene, I'm commenting from the perspective that you've already decided you want to step up for her.)

This is such a good post. I hope she can be helped, what a terrible situation.
KateTheEighth · 04/09/2021 20:27

@MurielSpriggs

No advice, no idea what I would do either, I just wanted to say what a fantastic thing you're doing for this girl. Daffodil

Agreed Star

Original poster
Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 20:27

Thanks everyone. I’ll keep pushing the social worker for a better placement and will look at UC.
@itsgettingwierd - I have thought long and hard about offering her a home but sadly I think I it would place too much strain on my own family for various reasons. I will keep fighting for her though.
@legoriakelne - I totally agree with you and I will be v mindful of the fact that she is not yet equipped with the right skills to be fully independent.

OP posts:
InpatientGardener · 04/09/2021 20:29

Is the placement the social worker is proposing a temporary placement or permanent? I have known young people be placed out of area if its an emergency then wait for a placement closer to 'home' to come up. What sort of placement is it, Foster care or semi independent, ie, room in a shared flat with other young people and staff available?

Original poster
Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 20:31

@MurielSpriggs - thank you. It’s just so so sad that I seem to care more about her than her own mother 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 20:35

@InpatientGardener - it is semi independent emergency housing for supposedly a couple of weeks whilst the social worker tries to find somewhere closer. However he has said placements are scarce and it could be much longer. in the meantime she misses her first weeks in college and loses her job.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 20:42

Can anyone tell me if she refuses the placement and carries on going between houses how that will affect her position? Will the social worker still look for closer housing in the meantime or will she be kicked out of the system if she makes herself homeless?

OP posts:
InpatientGardener · 04/09/2021 20:49

I'm not entirely sure on that but if they were to close her to social services, there should be a youth homelessness team in your local area and she could self refer to them, but placements would likely be YMCA hostels. To be honest whilst they are larger premises with more young people, I have seen young people in semi independent left entirely to their own devises with little support so I wouldn't say one was worse than the other necessarily. Do you know what her status with social services is, is she on a child in need plan or protection plan, or is this involvement just because of becoming homeless?

Halfaham · 04/09/2021 20:56

My knowledge is sketchy but I think it's better to be under LA care (section 20) than claim UC and try and rent somewhere. The support they get as a "looked after dc" can be really good and extend into their twenties. The supported lodgings where we are are very over subscribed at the moment. If she'd consider a foster care situation she might have more options.

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