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Original poster

Help for homeless 16 year old

66 replies

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 19:19

I’ve name changed for this as it could be outing but I am desperate for help/advice. 2 weeks ago my daughter’s 16 year old friend was thrown out of her family home by her mother. All her belongings put out in bin bags on the pavement at night in the rain. Baby photos, passport included. Since then she has been staying at various friends’ houses, including mine.

Her mother has not been in contact with her to find out how she is or where she is. The rest of the family have also turned their backs. I won’t go into too much detail about what has gone on but I can say with confidence that this girl does not deserve to be treated like this. I think the mum has chosen step dad over her own daughter.

Anyway, social worker wants to place her over an hour a way from our local area. She is due to start college on Monday and has a job here so that would be disastrous for her, not to mention being alone and vulnerable away from friends etc. How the hell can I help?

She can keep moving around between friends but that’s not sustainable, she needs a base. We are currently looking at student accommodation for her but not sure if they’ll accept a 16 year old? Does anyone know what benefits she might be entitled to? I’m going to take her to college on Monday and see if we can chat to the welfare team. I’d appreciate any input. Thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 20:58

@InpatientGardener - thanks for that. I’ll look for the homelessness team. Myself and another mum referred her to social services a week after she got kicked out - no previous history as far as I know.

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Original poster

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 21:03

@Halfaham - thanks. She is adamant about not wanting to live with a foster family but I think it’s worth exploring that option.

OP posts:

InpatientGardener · 04/09/2021 21:06

I'd be really surprised if social services were to offer foster care at 16 with no previous care history although obviously that would be the most appropriate placement for this girl by the sounds of it. 16 is a difficult age for situations like this- not old enough IMO to be 'semi independent ' but not young enough for social services to feel, or be responsible for you. If she were to get a permanent bed at the YMCA she would get a key worker and they will support her to apply for UC. Can you say what area you're in, or is it outing?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

16 year olds

separatedandseething · 04/09/2021 21:07

'Also, whilst 16 yo children in adverse circumstances may well appear grown up and independent - because they have no choice in order to survive - cognitively they are children who won't be fully developed for nearly another decade and they also do not have the experience of an older adult to know how to navigate things like this. To be have the skills to advocate for themselves in the face of bureaucracy, to recognise when they're being let down or exploited, to have the emotional skills to cope alone in the world, to call upon a network...*'

^* This.

I wonder how many people are aware of the current Government diabolical plans re 16 year olds in care? This is worth a read if you aren't:

https://article39.org.uk/keepcaringforchildrenupto18/

NoNotYou · 04/09/2021 21:07

Thank you for doing your best for her xx

InpatientGardener · 04/09/2021 21:10

@separatedandseething thank you for sharing that. Absolutely fucking outrageous.

user1471428785 · 04/09/2021 21:16

Sorry I have no useful advice but like other posters I would like to say what an amazing thing you are doing. Great to know some people really care. Thank you.

Original poster

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 21:20

@InpatientGardener - thanks again. we are in Ringwood, near Bournemouth. I’ve name changed so don’t care if it’s outing.
@separatedandseething - unbelievable!

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Halfaham · 04/09/2021 21:22

How dreadful. What purpose does it serve to fail these young people. It's help for a few years.

Sometimes op foster care can be just one adult, not a whole family. But yes I guess the LA would opt for supported lodgings aged 16. Some of the girls where I am don't like supported lodgings as it's a very variable who else is living there. It's a shame she doesn't have a relative who'd consider helping.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/09/2021 21:28

The DSL at her college will be able to help and will strongly fight to keep her in education, which means near to all her social support and workplace.

If you could manage it, it would really help strengthen the case to provide for her locally if you were to put her up for the next month.

In one of my workplaces, it was frustrating how keen SWs (or at least one) to stick teenage girls in 'their own place' rather than stay in a placement that was far, far less lonely and isolating. It felt as though the SW was convinced they were most likely to be pregnant within a year, so might as well get them in a flat straight away, when putting a kid somewhere so lonely actually made that more likely to happen in my opinion (and that of the amazing DSL who fought every single attempt for every kid - and managed every single time).

It's wonderful you want to help. This girl will never forget that you stuck up for her.

Original poster

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 21:28

@Halfaham - what’s so frustrating is that there was a place more local but it wasn’t on the council’s ‘approved list’ so couldn’t be agreed. We live right on the Hampshire/Dorset border - there are places in Dorset which are closer to home but she comes under Hampshire’s jurisdiction. Fucking red tape!

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itsgettingwierd · 04/09/2021 21:30

@Sad16yearold

Thanks everyone. I’ll keep pushing the social worker for a better placement and will look at UC. *@itsgettingwierd* - I have thought long and hard about offering her a home but sadly I think I it would place too much strain on my own family for various reasons. I will keep fighting for her though. *@legoriakelne* - I totally agree with you and I will be v mindful of the fact that she is not yet equipped with the right skills to be fully independent.

It is a huge commitment - especially for a teen who's likely going to need a lot of emotional support.

I wasn't sure if it was an option or not if anyone could do it.

My own ds is autistic and there's no way I could accommodate another teen in the house because I know after the initial honeymoon period he'd find it too stifling. He needs home to be calm and his routine.

Original poster

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 21:32

@NeverDropYourMooncup - thanks. Can I just check what is the DSL? I am certainly willing to accommodate her for the next month.

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Original poster

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 21:34

@itsgettingwierd - yes, my own DS has anxiety issues, it would be too much for him.

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Muminabun · 04/09/2021 21:34

Could you approach the social worker to have her either as a special guardianship or her foster carer?

Original poster

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 21:41

@Muminabun - I can’t foster her, my DS would not cope with it. I feel so guilty about it because she’s told my DD that’s what she would like to happen.

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Halfaham · 04/09/2021 21:41

They might reconsider it, I've seen that happen when there were no other options. I would really keep reiterating about her education and links to support networks I.e.yourselves. As I say my knowledge is sketchy but I think if it's within your area it's cheaper because the LA may have supported living providers where they're paying an annual block booking fee already. There's always an incentive to get someone back in their own area due to costs.

InpatientGardener · 04/09/2021 21:51

Do you come under Hampshire local authority? Here's a link to nightstop Dorset services.actionforchildren.org.uk/dorset-services/for-young-people/nightstop/ there is probably one in Hampshire too. Its only 1-3 nights with a host but I believe they offer housing advice and support too.

Original poster

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 21:55

@InpatientGardener - yes Hampshire. Thanks for the link.

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Evilcountspatula · 04/09/2021 21:55

Nothing useful to add except to say, as others have already said, thank you for the love and care you are showing to this young woman.

HappyGirl86 · 04/09/2021 22:06

Poor girl I hope she gets sorted or can repair her relationship with her mum.

I'd say just give the social worker chance to get something sorted, I know sometimes it seems like nobody is doing anything and I know how frustrating it can be but things are going on behind the scenes and unfortunately nothing happens instantly.
I know the emergency accommodation isn't ideal but the social worker will know she is safe rather than sofa surfing (not every house she goes to could be as safe and loving as you guys) and will be trying to get something closer.
I totally understand your worries about missing her job and maybe some college but that could be a tiny blip in the long scheme of things.
It's great you are offering her some support! Such an important thing for her.

skkyelark · 04/09/2021 22:16

Definitely get her college welfare team involved if at all possible. As @NeverDropYourMooncup says, a good one will know how best to push for local accommodation, and a remotely half decent one should be able to keep an eye on how she's doing. It should also help her if she needs a bit of flexibility with attendance or deadlines as things get sorted.

Obviously follow her lead, and don't put your family's well-being at risk, but small bits of support may mean a huge amount to her. (I was 18, rather than 16, when I ended up on my own, but it's not entirely dissimilar.) Could you have her round for dinner/a family evening fairly regularly (and send her home with leftovers)? Help her choose things for her accommodation and get set up, even if it's just a few cheap bits to make it hers (and help her give it a good clean if it needs it)? Make sure she has somewhere to go at Christmas? Let her know she can ring/ask you if she doesn't know how to do something (cooking/budgeting/booking a GP appointment/paying a bill/whatever)? Buy her a small treat now and then, as you might for a child away at uni? A former foster mother once bought me a few snacks for a long journey, and I was really touched that someone had thought about what I might like and been willing to spend a few quid (literally probably about £4) on me – it really can be tiny things.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 04/09/2021 22:21

Original poster

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 22:37

@skkyelark - I’m really sorry that you were in this situation. I will definitely talk to the welfare team at the college. I have bought her a few treats and she will absolutely have a place here for a meal whenever she needs it. Already thought about Christmas and yes, she will be welcome.

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Original poster

Sad16yearold · 04/09/2021 22:42

@HappyGirl86

Poor girl I hope she gets sorted or can repair her relationship with her mum.

@HappyGirl86 - sadly I don’t think the relationship is repairable. She is so hurt by her mother’s actions that there is no going back. I will encourage her to keep talking to her social worker whilst also looking into things ourselves.

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