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Original poster

Urgent advice needed re custody and access and law re couple spliiting up

48 replies

UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 13:17

Couple live together but houses etc all in partners name, friend - Amy contributes to bills or did when working.
Had a child and stopped working for a while then covid etc but I think makes contributions.
Partner is on a very very good salary possibly over 100K, and has a trust and a lot of money in the bank.

He seems to be planning to leave her or rather get their child in school and then push her out of the home, once the child is settled.

What can she do? What help can she get? What should she do? She is worried he and his mum will use their wealth against her to get custody of the child and make everything on their terms.

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/09/2021 13:19

Are they married?
If they separate he will have to pay maintenance, assuming she has main care of the child. He could apply to court to request main care but if she's a SAHM/main carer and he works a lot this is unlikely.
If she thinks he's going to push her out and try to take the child she should plan to leave herself. She'll be entitled to some benefits plus child maintenance.

Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 13:21

No they are not married. Yes he works an awful lot....

Would she be better off leaving now? What if she got the child into a school near her family if she moved back near her family would that help?

There is about 1.5 hours ish distance between him and her family. She isnt penniless but obviously is in the worse financial situation

OP posts:
Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 13:22

He and his parents were going to pay for private school as well, is it better not to have that?

OP posts:

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CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/09/2021 13:24

She would definitely be better off leaving first if she suspects he will try to take the child away from her for bad reasons.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/09/2021 13:25

@UrgentHelpforFriend

He and his parents were going to pay for private school as well, is it better not to have that?
Better than what? Not having her child in her care? That's for her to answer
Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 13:26

No I mean legally if he and his parents pay for the child to go to a certain school, does that give them more power over the situation, does it matter...

OP posts:
Farahilda · 01/09/2021 13:27

Nor married?

Then the basic presumption is that what he owns, he keeps.

She will be entitled to child maintenance, and her share of joint assets, but no claim on his nor any eligibility for spousal maintenance.

She could seek orders which allow her to remain the former family home for a period, but this may not be in her best interests (keeps you tied to an ex). She needs specific legal advice on the likely applicability of this in her circumstances.

Going forward, she needs to be able to support herself and the DC for the time s/he is living with her. So the most urgent thing would be to get back into employment asap, and amass some independent savings which could form the deposit for a rental property

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/09/2021 13:27

@UrgentHelpforFriend

No I mean legally if he and his parents pay for the child to go to a certain school, does that give them more power over the situation, does it matter...
No, but if she wants to move away she should do it now before the child is in school
Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 13:27

does anyone know what % of maintenance and how long that takes to sort out.

OP posts:
TheABC · 01/09/2021 13:28

If she's not married, she is in a vulnerable position, regarding housing. Are her contributions documented?

Regarding the child, the father will need to pay CMS if she is the primary parent caring for the child. She needs to get legal advice, if a custody dispute is looming.

Kithic · 01/09/2021 13:28

@UrgentHelpforFriend

He and his parents were going to pay for private school as well, is it better not to have that?
From her point of view - probably not From the childs point of view - probably From his point of view - yes

Will they not pay for private school if the child doesnt live with the father?

Farahilda · 01/09/2021 13:29

If a DC is settled in school, then that is a reason not to uproot them. That's nothing to do with his the school place is funded.

The DC has a right to a relationship with both parents, so moving 1.5hrs away seems wrong. It is normally the parent who has moved who does the travelling for contact (yes, courts can and do order thus) so does she really want to saddle herself with a decade or more of trips a couple of times a week?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/09/2021 13:30

@UrgentHelpforFriend

does anyone know what % of maintenance and how long that takes to sort out.
Can't possibly tell that I'm afraid
Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 13:32

Farahilda this is the kind of detail she is concerned about because she cannot in any way shape or form afford to live near him at all.

Her family and support is 1.5 hrs away .

OP posts:
Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 01/09/2021 13:52

If she moves that far away he could take her to court to stop the child moving away, the more established he is in the current area, ie in a local school and clubs, it would be much harder for her to argue her case to remove the child away from his father. There are calculators online to see what the amount of child maintenance would be but you’d need to know his proper declared income. I say declared because some wealthy people only declare a small amount of income to the government then pay themselves through their company. Also be aware that he could take her to court to have 50/50 access to the child and he would hardly have to pay her anything. I’d suggest advising her to see a solicitor as it sounds like it could complicated.

Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 13:56

Thank you - whats the best thing for her to do right now.
I guess 1) see solicitor 2) move out?

There are three houses, one abroad where his main family are, one in town and one in the country.

OP posts:
Palavah · 01/09/2021 13:57

How old is the child? If it were me I'd move back close to friends and family now and put in a claim via CMS, and suggest contact time every other weekend. As PP have said it's harder to move once the child is settled in school where they are now.

But your friend needs to think about how she will support herself and the child, where they will live etc.

Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 13:57

If she does it soon though I guess he cant stop her and she has a home etc to live in? The child is not quite at school age yet.

OP posts:
Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 01/09/2021 14:03

He could apply to the court to get the child back , no one here can tell you if he’ll succeed, only a judge will decide. She really needs to speak to a solicitor who deal with family law before making any big decisions . If her name isn’t on any houses and they’re not married then she has no claim on anything other than csa, and if gets 50/50 custody I doubt she’d get much if anything. Again, solicitor ASAP!

Palavah · 01/09/2021 14:05

Exactly. Don't wait for him to take advice and start taking on more of the childcare so he has a better case. Do it now while there is no grounds for anything other than your friend being the main carer.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 01/09/2021 14:06

He could go to the court and potentially stop her from moving, the court could also set access and make her pay travel expenses.

If they aren't married she is unlikely to be entitled to any financial settlement.

She can go to CMS as soon as they separate, however he can screw her right over with that, overnight access will be taken off, pension contributions will mean she gets less and all sorts of other shot (if he can hide his wage etc).

There are lots of potentials here so her best bet would be to seek local legal advice before she does anything at all.

Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 14:16

It just seems unfair that she may have to travel and potentially live in the most expensive part of the UK, hes also probably been financially abusive etc.

OP posts:
Kithic · 01/09/2021 14:32

@UrgentHelpforFriend

It just seems unfair that she may have to travel and potentially live in the most expensive part of the UK, hes also probably been financially abusive etc.
Conversely (only going on the basic data) is it fair that she moves his child an hour and a half away, when he is used to living with them?
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 01/09/2021 14:33

It may seem unfair, but the courts are there to stop one parent uprooting the child and essentially alienating the other parent. They make their decisions based on the best interests of the child, which is usually maintaining a relationship with both parents.

If she is moving away then she will need to factor in the travelling costs, it would be unfair for her to move so far with their child, then expect him to pay CMS and the travel costs involved in her decision.

She should definitely seek proper legal advice before she does anything at all.

Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 14:37

Yes but he is v wealthy, she is not. She would love to I am sure live near by but could not afford it.

To stay near by would mean severely reduced living standards for her and the child.

OP posts:
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