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Original poster

Urgent advice needed re custody and access and law re couple spliiting up

48 replies

UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 13:17

Couple live together but houses etc all in partners name, friend - Amy contributes to bills or did when working.
Had a child and stopped working for a while then covid etc but I think makes contributions.
Partner is on a very very good salary possibly over 100K, and has a trust and a lot of money in the bank.

He seems to be planning to leave her or rather get their child in school and then push her out of the home, once the child is settled.

What can she do? What help can she get? What should she do? She is worried he and his mum will use their wealth against her to get custody of the child and make everything on their terms.

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Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 14:40

I just have this image of him living in a large house with a beautiful garden and she is forced into a bed sit type place so he doesn't have to pay for travel !

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DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 01/09/2021 14:47

Unfortunately that's the pitfalls of not getting married Sad she isn't entitled to any financial support for herself, just for their child.

The court may well find it in her favour for moving, she needs to set it all out to a solicitor and go from there.

Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 14:50

She is also the main carer for an ill parent which also means its better for her to move now.

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Family law Relationship problems
Daydrambeliever · 01/09/2021 14:55

She will be allowed to move away provided she can evidence that she can not afford to live in the area. Or she can hire a solicitor and negotiate that she will stay in the area but can only do so with hefty financial support from Dad.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 01/09/2021 14:58

If she is managing to be the main carer from such a distance at the moment then she could maintain that without moving there.

Nobody on here will be able to tell you what the outcome would be, but if they have a lot of money and are able to hire someone shit hot then I would prepare your friend for the possibility of being unable to move and make plans from that. Hope for the best but plan for the worst.

ChickenSchnitzel · 01/09/2021 15:00

We can all speculate about what he may or may not do, or what a court may or may not decide, however she needs to get herself a shit hot lawyer ASAP to put herself and her child in the best position.

Was it a joint decision not to marry, or did he keep fobbing her off? Does she suspect there's another woman on the scene?

Cbtb · 01/09/2021 15:02

Rich and home abroad and would go for custody are worrying signs. Does the abroad country have an extradition agreement with the uk? Who has the passport? If they split and he has contact is he likely to leave the country with the kid? that is the easiest way to win for him. She should get legal advice

Horehound · 01/09/2021 15:05

Tbh it sounds like she is more interested in protecting herself whereas the father is interested in giving his child a good education.
Who really has the child's best interest at play here? Because that's what it's all about.

Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 15:06

Thanks everyone she will get legal advice of course but again, how does one find A " shit hot solicitor" ?.

I am just wondering if there is anything else she could be preparing for right now or if anyone had experience etc.

She wanted to get married he didn't.

I think its likely she will have to move into her parents because the relationship has massively broken down in the short term and her parent is very ill anyway.

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Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 15:08

Hore, its me throwing ideas around not her.

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chesirecat99 · 01/09/2021 15:14

The DC have rights under the Children's Act. They may be entitled to more than CM eg school fees.

www.stephens-scown.co.uk/family/financial-provision-for-children-the-under-used-rights-of-the-unmarried-mother/

Driftingblue · 01/09/2021 15:14

She needs to see a solicitor.

A child has a right to real access to both parents. Moving away will prevent the father from being equally involved in the child’s life. Legally she might get away with it. Morally, it’s hard to defend.

chesirecat99 · 01/09/2021 15:17

Another link with info about the right to stay in the family home:

www.bpsfamilylaw.co.uk/2016/09/29/financial-rights-of-married-and-unmarried-parents-after-separation/

Authenticcelestialmusic · 01/09/2021 15:28

Is she safe where she is now? Does he know she is planning on leaving? Has he ever been violent? You say he is financially abusive has she discussed this with her GP or health visitor or sought support from womens aid etc?

Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 15:28

chesire cat 99 those links are really useful thank you Flowers

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Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 01/09/2021 22:08

Yes she safe, no violence thankfully

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CPParenttoDD1234 · 01/09/2021 22:18

Marry him …… play the game. She will then be entitled to so much more. I know that’s awful but she will thank you. It’s awful and shit but will make it so much more worthwhile.

Failing that she will be entitled to something but only until the child is out of full time education. Speak to a good lawyer about it

SukonthaM · 01/09/2021 22:29

@CPParenttoDD1234

Marry him …… play the game. She will then be entitled to so much more. I know that’s awful but she will thank you. It’s awful and shit but will make it so much more worthwhile.

Failing that she will be entitled to something but only until the child is out of full time education. Speak to a good lawyer about it

The op’s posting because the partner is going to leave her, he’s not going to marry her.

Op if he finds out about her plans before she leaves then he can get a court order to stop her. However if she leaves without him knowing, finds a suitable place for her and the child and get them settled in a good nursery etc, then it would be a hell of a lot harder for him to convince a court to force her back. The fact that she’s the main carer and he’s (presumably) working long hours, she can’t afford to live in his area plus her support system is around her can keep the courts on her side. The court system can be slow as well so if the child is settled in the new area and going to nursery etc a judge will be more reluctant to force her to move again.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/09/2021 22:37

I'd leave with the kid the second he's gone to work - suddenly her mother was unwell and she went to care for her

Then you drag it out. And while she's away sending messages saying 'hopefully it won't be too long/I know you only spend half an hour with her every day but she's missing the 5 minute story time you give her, so do FaceTime'

Basically be very clever about the messages that show she does EVERYTHING for the kid

And then get her into school up there - definitely don't start school near her current place

BootsScootsAndToots · 01/09/2021 23:01

What Laurie said.

Go now, the parent needs your help at the moment. Drag it out.

MN is so funny at times though. There was a thread the other week where the OP wanted to move away from her dh to a city to find work and it agreed mainly she should!

On this thread, everyone is worried about a rich DP who works long hours. 🤷

gogohm · 01/09/2021 23:26

Firstly is he really planning on leaving and secondly he will be quite aware that he is likely to need to pay cm if he leaves. The child being in a good school has no relevance to cm. If she wants to move away and he applied to the courts to stop it she can use cost as a reason, the courts can order increased maintenance to cover the additional costs

Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 02/09/2021 07:36

Laurie that's what I would also do, move to support and string it out. She's booked Solicitor and I've spoken to another friend whose bil does have to commute to see his dc. It's probably case by case and perfectly feasible to move if you literally can't stay.

He would not marry her, she can't marry him he won't really share anything with her at all. He was pushing her to work quite soon after their dc was born as well, even though he is very well off he felt it was unfair that she had time off with their dc but she didn't m

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Original poster
UrgentHelpforFriend · 02/09/2021 07:36

Unfortunately I do think she's shown her hand a little on the leaving side.

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