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Original poster

Mixed sleepovers

69 replies

isop · 31/08/2021 06:45

I'm curious as to how people would feel about their nine year old DC's having a sleepover for a birthday with a mix of boys and girls.

Are they at the age where this is a no or still young enough for it not to be an issue?

DS is keen but I don't want to invite if parents would feel uncomfortable (as has been suggested by a friend).

OP posts:
alohahae · 31/08/2021 08:17

I can't see how this is different to a residential school trip or a scouts trip ect

karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 08:19

@alohahae

I can't see how this is different to a residential school trip or a scouts trip ect
On a residential school trip or at Cubs, I’d expect boys and girls to sleep separately. On a sleepover
karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 08:19

Posted too soon

On a sleepover, especially a small one, I’d assume everyone would pile into one room.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

9 year olds Families
LadyGAgain · 31/08/2021 08:23

@MajesticElephant

Big no from me. The reality is some girls start their periods from the age of 8 so where there is any possibility of pregnancy, no matter how accidental, then it would be irresponsible as adults to allow that situation to happen.
This is the most batshit post I've read in a long time.

OP - I would have no issue with what you're proposing.

NLondondiva · 31/08/2021 08:23

My DC are that age and a bit older (boy and girl). My son has 2 close friends who are girls. One often comes for sleepovers or he goes to hers, the other doesn’t as her parents aren’t comfortable with mixed sleepovers. So if I were you, I’d message the parents separately (so that there’s no peer pressure to say yes!) to sound them out first.

Personally I think it’s fine but (as you can see from this thread!) some parents hold different views.

gogohm · 31/08/2021 08:25

My dd had one boy to hers, they were a tight group and no way would I leave him out, knew his mum well too. 4 is normal for a 9th birthday, I'm going back over 10 years

AnUnlikelyCombination · 31/08/2021 08:26

Dd had mainly male friends at primary, so this came up as an issue. I talked to the parents each time, and we agreed that if changing into PJs happens in the bathroom, and the door stays open, we’re all happy with it.

karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 08:29

@AnUnlikelyCombination

Dd had mainly male friends at primary, so this came up as an issue. I talked to the parents each time, and we agreed that if changing into PJs happens in the bathroom, and the door stays open, we’re all happy with it.
This is sensible.

I know the pregnancy thing is crazy, but some children will be going through puberty and will want privacy. This does need to be acknowledged.

And also, for people who are comfortable with mixed sleepovers what, if anything, do you think I’d the cut off age?

Original poster
isop · 31/08/2021 09:34

Thanks all. I think my friends concerns are around puberty rather than sex (I hope!). DS is nowhere near being able to impregnate anyone.

I have spoken to DS about puberty and that his female friends either are or will soon be having changes to their bodies and he is sensitive to that. His best friend who is a year older (and far more mature) has started her periods and they talk about these things and adjust their play accordingly when needed.

I would keep changing separate and I think they would all prefer this anyway. I'm relieved to hear it's a non issue for most. He has sleepovers at girls houses, including my friends, so I wondered if parties brought up different feelings.

OP posts:
putthetubeinthebin · 31/08/2021 09:44

Yes definitely. We had them from 8 up until secondary. I think it's a bit disturbing that anyone would sexualise a group of 8-9 year olds

furbabymama87 · 31/08/2021 10:54

I don't think it's about sexualising kids, but some girls at that age may be approaching puberty.They're going to need privacy when changing and sleeping in the same room as boys. This is around the age the difference between boys and girls starts to become noticeable and you start to separate them for certain things as they aren't appropriate.

saraclara · 31/08/2021 11:20

@furbabymama87

I don't think it's about sexualising kids, but some girls at that age may be approaching puberty.They're going to need privacy when changing and sleeping in the same room as boys. This is around the age the difference between boys and girls starts to become noticeable and you start to separate them for certain things as they aren't appropriate.
For changing, of course. No-one would expect them to change in front of each other. But why is sleeping a privacy issue?
WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 31/08/2021 11:25

Would you have room to do girls in one room boys in another?
Sleepovers seem to happen from around y2 here so the age isn’t an issue at all

SanFranBear · 31/08/2021 11:58

Gay children exist, for those adamant that mixed sleepovers are a hive of inappropriateness and sex (at 8/9!!!!)

OP - I'd just speak with the parents and go from there. DD had a 'girls only' sleepover this year for her 12th - DD is pan, one of her friends is trans and the third is a lesbian. Not to get into the identity side if things, but I was unsure how to navigate this but turns out, they're all just daft 12 Yr olds who stayed up giggling and screeching until the early hours before collapsing from exhaustion. Kids are still kids!

Hugoslavia · 31/08/2021 13:44

My 11 year old had a mixed sleepover last year in the garden camping. I gave them options of separate tents, but they all wanted to go in together. There was a zipped divide between the boys and girls sides though. They didn't seem self conscious at all. Things can quickly change at that age though.

Marni83 · 31/08/2021 16:59

@Hugoslavia

My 11 year old had a mixed sleepover last year in the garden camping. I gave them options of separate tents, but they all wanted to go in together. There was a zipped divide between the boys and girls sides though. They didn't seem self conscious at all. Things can quickly change at that age though.
11? My son is 11 Many girls would have reached puberty Both genders going through huge hormonal changes For many it’s “first kiss” / fancy time

And they had 10 hours alone overnight in the garden in very confined space

I can’t believe that other parents were ok with this!

MancMum2000 · 31/08/2021 18:30

8 year olds impregnating each other at a sleepover is the new most mental thing I’ve read on Mumsnet.

MouseholeCat · 31/08/2021 19:27

@MajesticElephant

Big no from me. The reality is some girls start their periods from the age of 8 so where there is any possibility of pregnancy, no matter how accidental, then it would be irresponsible as adults to allow that situation to happen.
Came over here to give a normal response and then saw this overreaction and it took a full minute to actually remember what I was going to say.

I think this is fine aged 9. Just check in on them and maybe have the door open.

Ducksurprise · 31/08/2021 20:04

TW

Gay children exist, for those adamant that mixed sleepovers are a hive of inappropriateness and sex (at 8/9!!!!)

As repeatedly shown on here like here

11? My son is 11 Many girls would have reached puberty Both genders going through huge hormonal changes For many it’s “first kiss” / fancy time

A vast majority of parents on here refuse to consider that their child maybe gay and dont ever consider this. I do find it sad.

Completley seperate to that issue is that sexual abuse can and does happen in same sex groups, or for that matter with friends siblings. But the fear only comes out with mixed sex sleepovers

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