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Original poster

Mixed sleepovers

69 replies

isop · 31/08/2021 06:45

I'm curious as to how people would feel about their nine year old DC's having a sleepover for a birthday with a mix of boys and girls.

Are they at the age where this is a no or still young enough for it not to be an issue?

DS is keen but I don't want to invite if parents would feel uncomfortable (as has been suggested by a friend).

OP posts:
StateOfTheUterus · 31/08/2021 07:28

They are still very young and I’d be more worried about bed wetting than pregnancy!! And home sickness.
My DS had mixed sleepovers in year 5/6. They were all good friends, and nothing happened apart from lots of chatting and giggling!

furbabymama87 · 31/08/2021 07:29

No I don't think it's right. One of my older kids went to sleepovers from age 8 and I regret that and feel I made a mistake letting him go and was persuaded into it by the other mum. Mixed sleepovers are a definite no.

saraclara · 31/08/2021 07:29

@MajesticElephant

Big no from me. The reality is some girls start their periods from the age of 8 so where there is any possibility of pregnancy, no matter how accidental, then it would be irresponsible as adults to allow that situation to happen.
I can't believe what I've just read. This is just batshit insane.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

9 year olds Families
sub453 · 31/08/2021 07:30

I don't think 9 is young for a sleepover. I can't remember the exact ages but both my sons had sleepovers from year 2.

Also don't see the mixed element as a concern. I think it's one of those instances where we need to be careful about projecting adult thoughts onto a situation. Do we really think it's likely that two 9 year olds will be having sex at a sleepover with other friends and parents present? The responses on here are very odd at times. It's nice that your son is friends with the girls as well as boys.

BareVanilla · 31/08/2021 07:32

A lot of children have sleepovers from aged 6 so I’d disregard pp comment on that. My DS who is 9 has not slept at others houses because 2 years ago before COVID he was just coming out of pull ups for bedtime. We declined 1group and 1 individual sleepover and of course group beavers and cubs camping was also declined.

I’m a bit shocked at the views on here but I guess you only know what you know so to speak.

My DS has asked for a friend to sleep over and she is a girl. I will speak to mum to see if they are ok with it and take it from there. If I were you I’d do the same. Approach mums and ask them. If it’s likely they’re uncomfortable change the party to bedtime pick up so they’re pjs are on.

pontiouspilates · 31/08/2021 07:32

I'd have no problem at all with this. We hosted and my DD attended mixed sleepovers at this age.

Ducksurprise · 31/08/2021 07:38

What is it your friend is worrying about?
Or for that matter People on here? Sex? Does no one consider that single sex sleepovers can lead to sex.

gemloving · 31/08/2021 07:38

@WaterBottle123 I agree with what you say re @MajesticElephant 'a post.

What a strange post, pregnant at 8 because of a mixed sleepover.

I am 31 and never had mixed sleepovers. It was only ever just girls. I went on skiing trips etc at 16/17 and the rooms were still separate.

icelollycraving · 31/08/2021 07:39

Ds is 10, sleepovers prob started when he was around 8 but Covid stoppped. Not had mixed at homes, they all went on residential but girls or boys bedrooms. I’d be more concerned with them bedwetting than sex. Saying that some of their behaviour is much more grown up than others. Some of their social group I’d be ok with, some not. I wouldn’t allow Ds to a sleepover at someone’s house if I didn’t know their parents reasonably well.
Kids don’t have to accept, it’s an invitation.

Dandy0911 · 31/08/2021 07:42

@MajesticElephant

Big no from me. The reality is some girls start their periods from the age of 8 so where there is any possibility of pregnancy, no matter how accidental, then it would be irresponsible as adults to allow that situation to happen.
What a disturbing thing to write and a disturbing thought to have.
yikesanotherbooboo · 31/08/2021 07:44

I wouldn't mind the fact that it is mixed and in my experience 8/9 is quite a common age for sleepovers. I loathed them and am very doubtful that the DC enjoyed themselves. I used to say no during term time.

Pinkandpink · 31/08/2021 07:46

My son used to have sleepovers with his friend who’s a girl. who stays along the road. They were both about 7/8 at the time. Nothing wrong with it at that age.

karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 07:46

DS recently had a sleepover for his 9th birthday. There were two boys he definitely wanted to invite but other than that all his friends are girls an there was one girl in particular he wanted to come. I decided against a mixed sleepover, mainly because at nine I was showing signs of puberty (pubic hair) and personally I may have felt uncomfortable in that situation when I was little, especially as it would be mainly boys around (DS only has brothers).

In retrospect, I think maybe I should have spoken to her mother about my concerns and taken her steer, as I think both the little girl and DS were disappointed that she didn’t come.

AlexaShutUp · 31/08/2021 07:47

I'm really surprised by some of the responses. 8/9 certainly isn't too young for a sleepover in my view - most kids love them, even if the parents don't!Grin

At that age, I'd be perfectly OK with a mixed sleepover as well. It's absurd to think that the kids will be having sex at that age - and actually quite disturbing that people's minds even go there. And tbh, even if kids were inclined to experiment at that young age, I think it would be just as likely to happen - if not more likely - in a 1:1 setting as it would in a group. And I don't think that we should assume that all experimentation would be with the opposite sex either.

I think what you're suggesting will be fine, OP, but if any of the parents are uncomfortable with it, I'm sure that they will let you know, or at least find an excuse to decline the invitation.

StateOfTheUterus · 31/08/2021 07:47

As for the “dating” my DS13 has a girlfriend who he has been with since primary and as soon as they started secondary I said they had to sleep in separate rooms, despite having had mixed sleepovers before as they were growing up. They were both fine about it.

SheWoreYellow · 31/08/2021 07:49

@MajesticElephant

Big no from me. The reality is some girls start their periods from the age of 8 so where there is any possibility of pregnancy, no matter how accidental, then it would be irresponsible as adults to allow that situation to happen.
But boys haven’t gone through puberty at that age, so it’s not possible.
GreenTortoise · 31/08/2021 07:54

Absolutely not.

LowlyTheWorm · 31/08/2021 07:55

Of course there is no issue at all- only on mumsnet would you get such ridiculous opinions about sex age 8!!!
It sounds lovely. And FYI my lovely gentle son still has many female friends (as well as his GF) as an adult, and enjoyed many mixed sleepovers as a CHILD (and a few as a teenager too!) and had a similar set up for his 12th birthday- lazer tag followed by a sleepover with one male and two female friends.

NoPinkPlease · 31/08/2021 07:55

My 9 year old had a boy and a girl sleepover last year. The gender / sex wasn't an issue - no-one actually sleeping was! Best of luck!

Cotswoldmama · 31/08/2021 07:56

Completely fine! Some of these replies!

ContadoraExplorer · 31/08/2021 07:57

We had one friend who was a boy from around that age to a little older and he used to come to sleepovers all the time. There was nothing dodgy, we just watched films and ate too much junk food and didn't sleep much so we're all shattered the next day. I think it would depend on the kids though.

Bakethecakeeatthecake · 31/08/2021 08:01

I think it sounds absolutely fine OP. If you know all the children and they’re friends and get on well together I can’t see a problem.

@MajesticElephant wtf???

Angel2702 · 31/08/2021 08:04

I wouldn’t have a problem, my daughter’s friends are mostly boys so wouldn’t think it odd if she were invited.

I don’t think 9 is too young for sleepovers at all. If they are in beavers / Cubs they start camping from age 5. School usually do a residential at this age as well.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 31/08/2021 08:09

My DD's boyfriend still has sleepovers with his best friend, who is female. They are 17. I found this really unusual but DD isn't bothered at all. Apparently they play video games all night and don't really sleep. She said it would feel unfair to ask him to stop when they've been having sleepovers since they were 6.

Needadviceagain · 31/08/2021 08:14

Ds sounds similar to your ds and he maybe only has 1 or 2 male friends. The rest are girls. He's 10 and has been on and had plenty sleepovers. It has never occurred to any of us adults that this may be an issue.

Why the need to sexualise everything?! At the end of the day, they're primary school kids having a sleepover with their close friendship group.