Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Nostalgia/sadness around children growing up

35 replies

Ricepops · 29/08/2021 21:10

I seem to recently have been hit by a wave of sadness around my children growing up. They are only 7 and (almost) 4, but I was in tears this evening, probably prompted by doing some clearing out today and getting rid of some books and toys.

I never used to feel like this. I don't know if it is because the baby/toddler stage is properly over, or if my hormones are trying to make me broody again (I'm now late 30s). Does anyone else have this?

OP posts:
RosieLemonade · 29/08/2021 21:12

My DD starts school this week and I have been beside myself today. Every time I look at her I want to burst with pride and sob because I love her so much.

toolazytothinkofausername · 29/08/2021 21:16

YANBU to have these feelings, but please also be sensitive to the parents that won't see their children grow up, such as those with duchenne muscular dystrophy.

elliejjtiny · 29/08/2021 21:21

Me too. Found an old photo of dh and I and realised we weren't that much older than ds1 and ds2 are now. The last 5 years in particular have gone so fast and I keep thinking that before I know it I'll be someone's interfering MIL being complained about on mumsnet. Ds1 is 15, although in my head he is still only 8.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
ACreakingGateNeverStops · 29/08/2021 21:46

@toolazytothinkofausername

YANBU to have these feelings, but please also be sensitive to the parents that won't see their children grow up, such as those with duchenne muscular dystrophy.
This has got to be the most mumsnet reply I have ever read on mumsnet.
crochetcrazy1978 · 29/08/2021 21:56

@ACreakingGateNeverStops I literally said the same thing then read your reply Grin

SuddenArborealStop · 29/08/2021 22:08

I live in a state of permanent nostalgia for my children's childhood, it's probably not healthy now often I sing the cats in the cradle to myself

theliverpoolone · 29/08/2021 22:10

I would love my 14 yr old to be 7 again. DD has some mental health issues and I would give anything to take her back to those younger carefree years Sad

bonbonours · 29/08/2021 22:11

Yes, mine are 11,13 and 15 and every time a FB memory pops up of when they were small and cute o feel a little bit sad. I love them now and life is easier in some ways and harder in others but I do feel nostalgic for their baby/infant school days. X

Clawdy · 29/08/2021 22:12

Those lovely lines by WB Yeats, written so many years ago : " I shall miss you, When you have grown."

MistandMud · 29/08/2021 22:12

@theliverpoolone

I would love my 14 yr old to be 7 again. DD has some mental health issues and I would give anything to take her back to those younger carefree years Sad
Been there. Still there, in some ways. Sympathies to you.
SpicyJalfrezi · 29/08/2021 22:12

To be fair to @toolazytothinkofausername I think this was a subject of some discussion a few years ago, where a Mumsnetter who had very sadly been bereaved was upset by a similarly worded post.

My son is 8 and a half months. I do not wish him to stay this age, mostly because I would rather like to sleep through the night again before I die Grin

However, I am very conscious he is slowly - but quickly, if that isn’t too perverse - changing, from baby to toddler and then little boy … And I will so miss the baby he was.

But he is a lovely baby. He will be a lovely toddler, little boy, teenager and man, I am sure.

But I will miss his great chubby cheeks and bald head Sad

Robertthebrucesthistle · 29/08/2021 22:13

I wish there was a word for this. Sometimes it just hits you. My ds is a teenager and I get this from time to time still.

fizbosshoes · 29/08/2021 22:17

Oh gosh YANBU.
I felt really (unreasonably, I know) emotional the day DD started her periods.
Slipping through my fingers, by Abba says it for me.
For the last 3 or 4 years I've really wanted to savour the moments (mostly on holiday as DC seem to get on better on holiday! Grin) because I think as parents of young kids we're often looking forward to "the next stage" or thinking it will be easier when they start school or secondary school but then you get there and it feels like we're moving too fast!

Justkeepleft · 29/08/2021 22:19

Yep. Ds is 13 I'd sealed in his bedroom most if the time. Dd is almost 9 so really last the last of the little girl has gone.
Both amazing kids but now I have mental space and energy to enjoy their little selves, oh the irony.
I love this new stage too and am glad they remain cuddly but oh the cute toddler laugh...

Mammaaof · 29/08/2021 22:21

My DD is starting school this week, she's been by my side every single day 😢😢 and I said to my partner earlier omg in 10 years our DS will be 17!! The last 10 years has gone by so so quickly!! 😭

WhatTheFoot · 29/08/2021 22:26

I can totally relate. My eldest starts college this week and my youngest starts secondary, I'm veering between crying in the shower and mild hysteria. I don't think I'll sleep much this week. All of a sudden they're all grown up.

BastardMonkfish · 29/08/2021 22:33

@Mammaaof

My DD is starting school this week, she's been by my side every single day 😢😢 and I said to my partner earlier omg in 10 years our DS will be 17!! The last 10 years has gone by so so quickly!! 😭
Ah don't worry. She'll still be by your side, just for slightly fewer hours per day Grin this is when they start to really grow and develop their own wee personalities and I think you feel closer to them as you get to know them better as individuals rather than just an extension of ourselves.
Echobelly · 29/08/2021 22:38

YANBU although I don't seem to get this at all! I love my kids becoming more mature and independent and like to remember when they were little but don't feel at all nostalgic for it.

Mammaaof · 29/08/2021 22:40

@BastardMonkfish I know😭 I didn't really get it with my DS I think it was because I had my DD 4 months before he started school and by that time I was just thankful for the break 😂😂😂 but now I'm going to be alone for the first time in 7 years 🙈

WingBingo · 29/08/2021 22:42

I’m always slightly surprised when this feeling hits me as I did not enjoy the baby/toddler stages.

I spent 5 years trying to get my 2 DS’ to sleep well, in their own beds. Tonight, DH is away so we had a movie night and they are in my bed, because I wanted it that way.

They are both curled up around me and it is lovely. It won’t be long before they won’t want to anymore, they are 6 & 7.

RiverSkater · 29/08/2021 22:52

I'm terrible for this, I know I'll be sobbing dropping DD2 at school next week remembering when I was able to drop both children but now eldest is at secondary school. I miss her not being with us. Them both missing out on so much the last 18 months hadn't helped either.

I deal with it but giving myself a firm taking to that I must enjoy the now and the present otherwise I'll miss out by living in terminal nostalgia. I hope this helps. Smile

Original poster
Ricepops · 29/08/2021 22:56

I don't feel so nostalgic for the baby days, but toddler and infant school days definitely.

One thing I find weird, is that I have much stronger memories of DC1. This is probably a bad example, but I can vividly remember potty training him which was 4 years ago, whereas with DC2, I can't remember it so well even though it was only last year! I don't know if this is because the memories are stronger with your first as it's the first time you've done it, or if I've just been busier with two that things have passed me by more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ricepops · 29/08/2021 22:58

@RiverSkater I totally know what you mean - I constantly tell myself I need to enjoy the present, especially as they still have lots of childhood ahead of them. I think it doesn't help sometimes that we get these messages to "enjoy them while you can" etc etc, which tends to make me feel anxious about whether I am making the most of everything.

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 29/08/2021 23:22

Ds is 17 & I miss the stage when they hold your hand or sit on your knee for cuddles. I wish I had valued & enjoyed the baby & toddler stage more than I did, I had very bad pnd & the whole thing is a haze.

tiredanddangerous · 29/08/2021 23:26

I'm feeling the same op. My youngest starts secondary school next week and I just want to turn back the clock! Bloody Facebook keeps showing me pics of them on various summer holidays over the years and I can't believe how quickly the time has gone.