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Original poster

Nostalgia/sadness around children growing up

35 replies

Ricepops · 29/08/2021 21:10

I seem to recently have been hit by a wave of sadness around my children growing up. They are only 7 and (almost) 4, but I was in tears this evening, probably prompted by doing some clearing out today and getting rid of some books and toys.

I never used to feel like this. I don't know if it is because the baby/toddler stage is properly over, or if my hormones are trying to make me broody again (I'm now late 30s). Does anyone else have this?

OP posts:

fizbosshoes · 30/08/2021 02:32

It sounds a bit weird but in a way I think you can only appreciate baby/toddler years when you look back on them (possibly with rose tinted glasses) .At the time it's so all consuming and full-on (and probably sleep deprived) you havent got a moment to stop and appreciate.

When my DC have been older I can for instance enjoy watching them play at the beach. In the toddler years I would be checking they werent eating sand , knocking over someone elses sandcastle, wandering into the sea fully clothed etc

ShrikeAttack · 30/08/2021 02:42

Mine are teens now and excellent company. It's ok for them to grow up.

RatInADollhouse · 30/08/2021 02:48

@Nat6999

Ds is 17 & I miss the stage when they hold your hand or sit on your knee for cuddles. I wish I had valued & enjoyed the baby & toddler stage more than I did, I had very bad pnd & the whole thing is a haze.

This is so true. There is so much pressure to enjoy every moment — it’s just one more way to make mums feel guilty constantly. When our parents wanted us out of their hair they didn’t have lingering doubt about making enough memories. Social media has a lot to answer for and thus is part of it.

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Families

Nat6999 · 30/08/2021 03:06

When I first became a single parent ds was 6, those first years when we got our new home were special. It was the first time since m/l that I hadn't worked & I felt like I was a proper mum doing the school run, shopping & looking after our home. The first night we moved in & we snuggled up on the sofa after having tea to watch television & I read him a bedtime story & put him to bed was the best feeling in the world. Standing in the school yard waiting for the teacher to open the door & seeing his face as he ran to give me a hug & held my hand as we walked back to the car telling me all about his day.

ShrikeAttack · 30/08/2021 03:08

I never felt guilty about anything. I love seeing my children grow into young adults.

It's a process.

They were wonderful as young children, and they're wonderful as young adults.

I love it.

BasiliskStare · 30/08/2021 03:37

@Clawdy - I get that . My son is early 20s & I am as proud as punch of him but I miss the little boy - not every day but sometimes.

In the meantime I have dogs

Flamingoose · 30/08/2021 04:10

I remember watching 18 month old dd playing in the garden and just bursting with love, and I thought to myself that it that was it, if that was as good as it ever got, it was enough. It was worth it. But then she just got better and better. I have fallen in love with her every step of the way, and now I have a gloriously moody 16 yr old who knows it all and steals my shoes and bakes brownies when she's stressed and still needs her mum for a cuddle when life is hard. I watched her walk through the theatre lobby a few weeks back, this beautiful young woman with ludicrous hair and platform shoes, she was looking for me and hadn't spotted me yet, and my heart just burst with love all over again. If this is as good as it ever gets I'm okay with that.

SelkieQualia · 30/08/2021 04:58

@SpicyJalfrezi

To be fair to *@toolazytothinkofausername* I think this was a subject of some discussion a few years ago, where a Mumsnetter who had very sadly been bereaved was upset by a similarly worded post.

My son is 8 and a half months. I do not wish him to stay this age, mostly because I would rather like to sleep through the night again before I die

However, I am very conscious he is slowly - but quickly, if that isn’t too perverse - changing, from baby to toddler and then little boy … And I will so miss the baby he was.

But he is a lovely baby. He will be a lovely toddler, little boy, teenager and man, I am sure.

But I will miss his great chubby cheeks and bald head

This. The initial question was unfortunately worded - something like wishing her kids wouldn't grow up - and a few mums who had been bereaved or who had kids who would always be very dependent pointed out that that it probably wasn't the best thing to wish for.

Tlollj · 30/08/2021 05:06

My dgd starts uni in a couple of weeks. I can’t actually believe that. I’m certain she’s going to be a great young woman but where has that time gone?

JustSeven · 20/09/2021 23:27

@ACreakingGateNeverStops my DS actually does have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. He’s 13, has lost the ability to walk, has the worst bone density his endocrinologist has ever seen in a child, takes daily heart medication and has to cope with the knowledge that every single muscle in his body is wasting away. He’s almost guaranteed to die in his 20’s, though many boys with Duchenne don’t even make it that far.

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