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Original poster

Would you say yes to a coffee?

51 replies

KicksLikeASIeepTwitch · 29/08/2021 17:04

Scenario:
You are young, inexperienced, working a bar when girl comes up asking for your number for their friend, who wants to take you for coffee/breakfast.
You say you are working right now, no time to swap numbers.
They ask three times, eventually you give the number.
The guy in question says at the end he has texted you.
He pays for the group of four's drinks tab and does not leave a tip.
He contacts you the next day asking you for coffee/breakfast on Tuesday.
Your parents think he is much older than you.
You only have his photo and first name so google stalking a no-go.
Thoughts?

OP posts:

Rainbows89 · 29/08/2021 17:07

I don’t quite understand the scenario but it sounds like it would be very wise to be cautious.

KittyMcKitty · 29/08/2021 17:08

I think he sounds pushy and rude so would block him!

If she likes him / wants to go for coffee she should - if she’s working in a bar she’s over 18 so is old enough to decide

helentomelon · 29/08/2021 17:10

Go for a coffee. If it's a public place I can't see the problem.

Usual2usual · 29/08/2021 17:10

Well the big question is do you want to go? Was there any further conversation besides 'I've text you".

What makes the parents think he is much older?

How do you have his photo but not his last name?

helentomelon · 29/08/2021 17:10

Assume his photo is on his WhatsApp

AllyBama · 29/08/2021 17:11

He sent his friend to get your number? Umm yeah… pass. This isn’t high school. Unless you think that the friend is actually the guy?

Already a couple of red flags here… pushy, the friend thing and didn’t tip. I don’t think I would meet a stranger in these circumstances. If he was that keen, the least he could have done was come and actually say hello to you.

MyOtherProfile · 29/08/2021 17:11

Had he actually texted?

I wouldn't go - he sounds pushy and rude and wouldn't appeal to me.

Shirleyphallus · 29/08/2021 17:14

What does the girl want to do in that situation? Are you her parent?

If I wanted to go I’d go. Not much can happen out for a coffee in public

Row1n · 29/08/2021 17:14

Do you have any idea if you like this person, beyond looks? They seem rather insistent and push for what they want regardless of how the other person feels.
However if you're an adult you can decide whether you want to meet up and see how it goes, but I would be cautious.
Did he speak to you at all? Why didnt he come up himself. It sounds very immature and I dont have time for playground type antics like 'my friend likes you'

Enough4me · 29/08/2021 17:14

He sounds old and creepy.
I say this as a middle aged woman, I would not pressure a younger man for a date.

Ostryga · 29/08/2021 17:15

When I was young and inexperienced I did far stupider things than accept coffee with a guy someone had given my number to. So I would have gone.

CampaignToo · 29/08/2021 17:15

Is it usual to tip when just having drinks? I had no idea, so not sure that's relevant.

Are you the parent here? I think it's weird that he didn't ask himself, but as he did speak to her himself in the end perhaps just needed a helping hand.

Spending time with anyone new is always going to come with risks. Breakfast in a public place seems a sensible place to start. She's not that young if she's working the bar. Old enough to decide for herself if she wants to go.

PallasStrand · 29/08/2021 17:16

No. If I say I’m busy and working, you respect that and back off. You also do the donkey work of asking for my number yourself, not send your friend, assuming you’re older than fifteen.

Original poster

KicksLikeASIeepTwitch · 29/08/2021 17:18

I'm her Mum and she asked me what I thought.
I asked if she was going out of pity, curiosity or because she liked him (purely physically given he didn't talk to her himself).
She said she felt obliged as had given her real number but thought the whole thing was a bit weird.
She is socially awkward so I kindly suggested maybe he was too and saw a kindred spirit/someone who wouldn't reject him out of hand.
It is just a coffee.
But her Dad thinks the guy must be 30 (she's only 19) and that I cannot judge age and that he is trying way too hard (dyed blonde quiffed hair) and would not come under the divide by two plus seven rule.

Told her
She should go if she wants to, no other reason
She should have another thing lined up later
She can chalk it to experience
If it is not a great chat, she says see ya, thanks and blocks the number.

and that I'd ask you lot!!!

OP posts:

Usual2usual · 29/08/2021 17:19

Assume his photo is on his WhatsApp

Ahh of course......

girlmom21 · 29/08/2021 17:20

If she fancies him then she should go. If she doesn't then she should message him back and say thanks but no thanks.

She shouldn't be judging him based on the fact he didn't leave a tip and the fact she is suggests she probably shouldn't go for coffee...

Original poster

KicksLikeASIeepTwitch · 29/08/2021 17:27

Red flags for her:
He didn't ask her himself (this is the main one)
He doesn't know her from Adam and in her own words, she was dressed down yesterday so why would he be interested (she has low self-esteem)
He is okay-looking but has been on the sunbed (shallow, us?!)
If he was that interested, he would have spoken to her more than ''sent you a text'' and would have left her a tip like a normal customer (all the customers give a tip usually, she isn't in the UK)

I said she can say no, she can ask his age, she can ask a colleague to serve him if he comes in again or she can go for a chat and a coffee cos that's all it is.
But what would a 30 year old be doing with a 19 year old and what kind of 30 year old cannot ask for a date himself?

OP posts:

thistimelastweek · 29/08/2021 17:30

The fact that he sent a friend for the number would put me right off.

girlmom21 · 29/08/2021 17:30

@KicksLikeASIeepTwitch maybe he has low self esteem too. Maybe he likes that she didn't look high maintenance but looks sweet.

Tell her it's ok to take some time to talk to him before actually meeting him if she'd like to get to know him first.

Mariell · 29/08/2021 17:33

No on the basis he didn’t ask but got a girl to ask for your number.

MyOtherProfile · 29/08/2021 17:33

Make sure she knows it's absolutely fine to say no. She doesn't owe him anything just because she gave him her number, and she is under no obligation to meet up just because he asks.

Has he actually texted and what did he say? Did he redeem himself at all?

Divebar2021 · 29/08/2021 17:35

You’re over thinking it. If she has to ask advice from other people then it’s probably a no but if she wanted to she might suggest he go in when she’s working again at a quiet time when she can have a chat with him. Other than that you don’t know he’s 30… you’re guessing and there is no such thing as a “rule” about ages… that’s just some bollocks someone invented - probably at Cosmo.

Rosiestraws · 29/08/2021 17:42

Why can't she just say she'd like to chat for a bit first to get to know him (aka text on WhatsApp!) Tbh that would be more usual than agreeing to go out for the coffee straight away. And then she can find out stuff like age and if she has anything in common with him etc

helentomelon · 29/08/2021 17:47

@Rosiestraws

This is good advice.

He may have got his friend to ask so as not to overwhelm her

Original poster

KicksLikeASIeepTwitch · 29/08/2021 17:48

I had thought around 23 until her Dad looked and said I am way, way too generous. I am overthinking yes, only because she rarely asks me for advice and I do remember the five blind dates I had at that age, which put me off casual dating for life. The thing is she is totally inexperienced, plus size, able to hold her own with people she knows but finds interaction wearing and so, part of me thinks - rite of passage, go for it - and the other part thinks - random coffee date with a stranger going to take more than it gives.
If she has to ask me what I think, then that's an answer right there, I agree. Ach, what's the worst with a coffee...nothing apart from a Liam Neeson situ
Will show her the thread and she can decide if she wants brunch when she might end up doing most of the talking or whether she chats a bit on whatsapp first.

OP posts:

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