Would you say yes to a coffee?

[KicksLikeASIeepTwitch]

Scenario:
You are young, inexperienced, working a bar when girl comes up asking for your number for their friend, who wants to take you for coffee/breakfast.
You say you are working right now, no time to swap numbers.
They ask three times, eventually you give the number.
The guy in question says at the end he has texted you.
He pays for the group of four's drinks tab and does not leave a tip.
He contacts you the next day asking you for coffee/breakfast on Tuesday.
Your parents think he is much older than you.
You only have his photo and first name so google stalking a no-go.
Thoughts?

I wouldn't go out with someone in that situation. He was pushy, didn't have the manners to speak to her himself and is too old for her.

There are plenty of young men her own age - she will miss out on opportunities if she gets involved with the wrong sort of man now.

No....I wouldn't. He should have come and asked her name at least. Had a quick chat etc. It's fine to be socially awkward but not when asking a stranger out. How does he know if they have anything in common? He doesn't so is basing his request purely on her looks alone......which imho is weird. She should bolster her own self esteem by turning him down. She is worth more. And if he really likes her he can come back into the bar and do the small talk while she is working to give her a chance to get to know him a bit. Just because he asked isn't a good enough reason to go.

I wouldn’t go because to be honest it doesn’t sound likes she really wants to and he doesn’t sound like much of a catch either.

I met someone like this once but he chatted to me first, complimented me then asked for my number. The fact she declined but the friend kept asking would massively put me off, if someone can’t take no for an answer that’s a massive red flag.

It's funny how women feel obliged to go out with men. If she doesn't feel butterflies, isn't looking forward to it, has any doubts.. then now might be a good time to teach her she can just say no and that's a full sentence.

No.
Its not ok to keep asking someone for their number, and it would have been so much easier for his friend to offer your DD the guys number instead.

No. He hasn't even spoken to her. If he really liked the look of her, he'd have gone to chat to her a bit, at least.

Whether or not he tipped is totally irrelevant btw.

She owes him nothing. If I were her I would say I'd feel more comfortable seeing if we had anything in common on text or phone and go from there. And she can step away at any point.

WTF, of course she shouldn't go!
I doubt this will be the last time this will happen if she's working in a bar, maybe time to have a chat about how she can give people a polite but firm brush off. And if she can't do that, she needs to memorise a fake number to reel off.

Nope.

I guarantee all he wants is to fuck her.

And/or fuck her head up.

You can get a phone app that will generate a fake phone number, it will forward the first call to your phone in case they check to see if the number is fake.

Is it? I saw it as a red flag because I have read/seen Tinder people using the app to set a date where their date ends up paying for both. So for all I know, my daughter's the mark for a free brunch have been watching too many dramas clearly when she is more than happy to pay her way. Where they are, not tipping the waitress who has attended your table all night, would be considered rude and certainly gives the wrong first impression.
Colour me cynical, I just think the motives might be questionable is all. My daughter, bless her, wondered if it was a prank (as in bet to get a number, any number, or her number in particular as she does not see herself as a catch).
She is sweet, funny, talented, a pretty face (and yes, I am clearly biased) but she is a bigger girl so not used to getting attention.
Therefore I have to be careful that she not mistake any attention with the right kind of attention iyswim because she is worth more than that. The poster who said ''Just because he asked isn't a good enough reason to go'' mumdiva thank you, has it right.
It might be flattering but I don't want her to feel pressured by someone who has seen her from afar and thought

1. Oh she's foreign, I want to get off with a foreigner
2. Oh she's a virgin, I want to get off with a virgin
3. Oh she's a tad overweight, she'll be grateful

but it is unfair to him and my DD to think along those lines when he might have just thought, she's sweet, a coffee would be nice. And why wouldn't he think that, she's awesome and any guy would be lucky. I think the potential age gap might be the issue along with the immaturity that is a disconnect with that. But as a pp pointed out, we don't actually know his age. Maybe he's had a hard paper round!

Your sixth sense is telling you something. Listen to it.

She needs help to navigate awkward situations like this, starting with not giving your number to random strangers at work. This won't be the last time that something like this happens.

I was a barmaid in my late teens/early twenties and it wasn't till early twenties that I had the confidence to deal with dating anyone who knew where I worked.
If your working you can't just say fuck off/walk away if they get too persistent, nasty etc.
I would help her role play refusing to give out her number and teach her that anyone who keeps pushing for a number like that is going to be hard going and best avoided.

the way you speak about how your daughter looks is pretty sad

Thanks all. I shall look at the app.
DD can be assertive but is very polite compared with the direct culture she lives in. Giving out a fake number isn't something she would do - but I agree she needs to have a response ready. The bar is five minutes from her house but she still walks alone at the end of her shift. I do worry, as I am not there (I am in the UK).

She said 'no' several times (and should have been respected), she deserves credit for that. Its not easy dealing with people who are being pushy to your face, especially not when you're at work.

Could she ask her manager what strategies are in pace to support staff who are being hassled for dates?

Oh just read you're not nearby! I hoped you could go to the cafe at the same time as her date. Can a friend do that for her safety? Without the man knowing? My gut feeling and perhaps yours is something is off

I am plus size doing I have no problems with my size whatsoever and nor do I think my DD is anything other than lovely but where she is, the culture is very focused on sport and health so she has felt different from her peers and it is a direct culture.
I could describe comments she has had but this would derail the original question. Sadly today's society, particularly young generation, is often insta snapchat, bloody looks centric, duck face bullshittery.
I support my daughter, always have, trying to strike a balance between health (gym subs, line dance, supporting her decision to go vegetarian) and body positivity (no fucks given, your own opinion is what counts). She expressed doubts as to the guy's sincerity/veracity whilst at the same time being very meh! about his own looks, whilst acknowledging at the same time that judging on his appearance was also shallow!

But it is just a coffee.
I will find out what she has decided tomorrow.
Her Dad is there and is big and intimidating when he needs to be.
I can be the one who rings with an excuse for her if it goes awry.

@KicksLikeASIeepTwitch

I'm her Mum and she asked me what I thought. I asked if she was going out of pity, curiosity or because she liked him (purely physically given he didn't talk to her himself). She said she felt obliged as had given her real number but thought the whole thing was a bit weird. She is socially awkward so I kindly suggested maybe he was too and saw a kindred spirit/someone who wouldn't reject him out of hand. It is just a coffee. But her Dad thinks the guy must be 30 (she's only 19) and that I cannot judge age and that he is trying way too hard (dyed blonde quiffed hair) and would not come under the divide by two plus seven rule.

Told her
She should go if she wants to, no other reason
She should have another thing lined up later
She can chalk it to experience
If it is not a great chat, she says see ya, thanks and blocks the number.

and that I'd ask you lot!!!

I'd just say, as long as your DD knows feeling obliged is NEVER a reason to accept a date, EVER, then she can decide. But I'd say no to this one. Your instincts are there for a reason and I feel like even us strangers on the internet inexplicably feel icky about this one.

You say that but ‘she has a pretty face but is a bigger girl’ is very telling. sounds like you’ve internalised the misogynistic plus sized experience

You missed out the end of that sentence so not used to getting attention - this is her lived experience.
Dealing with unwanted attention is easy if you are used to it. If it has a novelty value, you can get drawn in without asking really whether it is coming from the right person.
She deserves attention from the right person.

So turns out he was 26.
I was 3 years under (generous to a fault I am!) her dad was 4 years over. She decided herself that a 7 year gap was too much and said no to coffee but thanks for asking. He pushed a bit more so she said a categoric no, to which he replied she was harsh.
There we go. I personally don't think 7 years is that bigger deal but
26 is old enough to make your own approaches and accept that no means no. Plus, different life stages, less in common etc she still has plenty of time ahead of her.

Good for her for standing her ground.