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Original poster

Help me solve this neighbour's toys conundrum

57 replies

notonyournell · 24/08/2021 19:34

I have moved into a new house and either side of my has families with DC (they both have 2 boys)

Recently I was out in the garden and the garden child to the left shouted 'Can I have my ball back please?!'

The only ball there was an orange one and I threw it over. I was then confronted by the dad that evening from the other family that I had 'gifted' HIS DC's ball to the other neighbours?!

I said no... he said yes, his son asked for it back and the other boys said I'd given it to them Hmm I said there's been a mistake but I'm sorry. He went off in a huff

Now today, I was in the garden and was greeted by about 4/5 different toys! A mixture of balls, a hoop and a frisbee

I went round to the door who complained I'd given next door their ball first. He took the lot (the dad and boys) and left a frisbee.

I went over to the other neighbours next and gave them their frisbee. The mum said thanks but where's the rest? The boys said they'd kicked a few things round today and wanted them back?

I said sorry, not sure what that was but next door have just taken a lot of stuff back from my garden. She said 'without asking us?!' And then she just huffed and said just throw it over next time

What do I do?!

They keep throwing stuff over. DS got hold of one thing the other day and bit into it leaving teeth marks Blush luckily I wasn't confronted about that, and thankfully I was out there when it was kicked over so knew for sure who's garden it had come from

OP posts:
godmum56 · 24/08/2021 20:08

@Marzipanfruit

If this continues say you will put anything coming over outside your front fence once a week and they can argue it out between themselves. Bet less comes over.
this ^^ They are CF ing in so many ways
Disfordarkchocolate · 24/08/2021 20:09

Put it all out the front of the house and leave them to it.

Blueleah · 24/08/2021 20:11

They’re being unreasonable. If neighbour A has an orange ball but they know full well it isn’t theirs, and B says that’s mine, then they should give it back! I would tell them you’ll throw back stuff with a number or name written on and the rest will be dumped on the front doorstep.

Goldbar · 24/08/2021 20:12

Plastic box outside your front door. Put it out once a week and they can come and get their stuff then.

Original poster
notonyournell · 24/08/2021 20:15

@GhostRyder

This sounds so exhausting OP
It is because I don't want toys cluttering up my space! They aren't small toys

They seem very confrontational (their parents) so I feel worried to suggest the sharpie thing but guess I'll have to

Honestly a big worry is my DS will damage it. He's got ASD and doesn't understand very much so can often do things he shouldn't be to the extreme

OP posts:
BillinaTheChickenQueen · 24/08/2021 20:16

Bloody hell. What a pair of cunts.

Franklydear · 24/08/2021 20:25

@notonyournell you do realise you’re the only one not in the wrong here, right? I put them all in a bin and let them go through it at a reasonable time, every first of the month bin whatever is left, and let them know they are bothering you

godmum56 · 24/08/2021 20:26

@notonyournell why should you worry about stuff in your garden that you don't want there getting damaged?

2reefsin30knots · 24/08/2021 20:29

I agree with PP- crate outside your front door and dump it all in there. I'd only do that once a day tops. If they come asking say you'll do a pick-up later when you are not busy.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/08/2021 20:33

This sounds dangerous. How can your ds and you use your garden if they keep on sending toys over the fence? As a pp said, you have done nothing wrong and definitely need to push back. The parents sound like bullies.

PurpleOkapi · 24/08/2021 20:41

@burritofan

I’d chuck the lot on your drive possibly in the wheelie binand let them sort it out.
This. Perhaps accompanied by a note that additional disturbances over missing toys will result in said toy being donated to a local charity.
NoProblem123 · 24/08/2021 20:43

This sounds like a complete PITA and you need to nip it in the bud.
I personally would start throwing everything in the bin.
Failing that, throw them out the front and leave them to it.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 24/08/2021 20:45

So you have a young DC who cannot use his own garden safely, as big heavy toys are constantly being thrown or kicked over? What happens if a football gets booted and lands square in his face?

I believe in give and take, and the odd toy that accidentally comes over can be returned with good grace between the neighbours, but it's because of people like them that some grumpy people just put a knife straight through anything that comes over and bin it.

How dare they regularly treat your garden as an overspill of their own and then try to blame you for not curating their kids' toys. In theory, the sharpie house number idea makes sense, but I would make it abundantly clear to them that it's a backup scheme for if the occasional ball does happen to stray over - it's NOT to be considered a regular agreement for them to commandeer your garden as if it were theirs, make it unpleasant for you and dangerous for your little one to use and then come complaining to you!! What CFs - both sides.

If you don't stamp down on this now, you'll be making a rod for your own back, when they complain that, although you do now 'obediently' throw the right toys back to the right garden, you don't do it quickly enough for their liking - and then you'll be the one 'ruining children's enjoyment of their gardens' by 'depriving them of their own toys and balls'.

They are clearly not reasonable, neighbourly people, so don't give them an inch.

Tirediam · 24/08/2021 20:57

Neighbours are CFs of highest order

ThisIsBanana5 · 24/08/2021 21:30

I feel for you. We have multiple balls coming over our fence daily, although with us it's only one neighbour so at least I know which way to throw them back. I do take my time in doing so though because it annoys me so much that they continue to damage my plants and don't seem to care at all. I did have a word but it didn't help. Really the garden is too small for ball games, there's a massive green space right across the road so I don't know why they don't go over there, they are old enough to go on their own.

Marzipanfruit · 24/08/2021 21:40

Op it is their problem, not yours. You are not responsible for their toys. As I suggested previously put them outside your house for them to sort- no faffing about with names on etc. If anything is damaged - well, maybe they will be more careful in future. Also, if throwing heavy things over is putting your child at risk they need to know this has to stop.

Sceptre86 · 25/08/2021 01:11

Get a higher fence. Honestly I don't throw anything over as my new build garden backs on ro many others so I wouldn't have a clue who stuff belonged to. We have recently had two young boys knock at all hours for their basketball. I suggested to their parent that they shift the position of the stand.

Heliachi · 25/08/2021 01:18

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Kinsters · 25/08/2021 02:38

I'd find it weird if anyone just knocked asking for a ball back. Surely a text is more appropriate. I agree with PPs who've said put a box outside your front door and pile everything in there for them to sort out. House numbers on the toys is a nice idea but I expect they'll rub off pretty quickly.

Newmum29 · 25/08/2021 03:13

I would bin the toys and refuse to answer the door. If they were polite fine but they’ve both been rude so fuck them.

If I wanted to be slightly nicer, plan b. I’d ask my partner to talk to them both and tell them that’s what we’re doing beforehand.

vaseormars · 25/08/2021 07:34

People suggesting binning toys, and telling them, you do know you have to carry on living in between those same neighbours after doing so?!

reluctantbrit · 25/08/2021 07:39

Don't even throw anything over any fence anymore. Stack everything in one end of your garden and let the children come and ask for their toys nicely.

It is easy to tell children to play more carefully and while the odd toy may end up over a fence what you have it taking the mickey out it.

We had an issue with a friend of our neighbour's DS. They were playing football and the friend deliberately kicked the ball into our garden, always targeting the rabbit run. We are on very good terms and normally would have thrown the ball back without a second thought but in agreement with the mum we didn't. They had to come every time and after one week the friend didn't come back to play ball.

Plumedenom · 25/08/2021 08:03

What a pain. I think the sharpie solution is the best and if they don't like it you can just chuck the bloody balls.

viques · 25/08/2021 08:11

Combine all this good advice.

Anything with a sharpie number will be put outside your front door on a Saturday morning.

Anything in decent condition without a sharpie number will be donated to a charity shop or a kids club.

Anything else will be binned.

AngelDelightUK · 25/08/2021 08:32

I’d make the fence higher. Put trellis or something on the top of the fence which will then, hopefully, mean the balls bounce back.

It would really annoy me. One of my neighbours has three girls who Chuck their ball over for attention. But that’s another story