Random waves of sadness

[Constellation89]

Hello
Sorry if this isn't in the correct place.
Just wanted to see if anyone else has these sudden sad feelings? It's as if everything is going well and I'm in the middle of something mundane like housework and suddenly I feel very sad and everything seems very bleak for a minute or two and I feel utterly lonely and isolated with my sadness. I have a tendency to overthink anyway and I'll suddenly remember an unpleasant event from my past and feel utterly terrible about it straight out of the blue, like the unpleasant memory of a particular event or incident flashes back to me. It fades after a few minutes but is horrible when it happens. I have anxiety anyway which magnifies this sadness. I know it sounds odd written down! Anyone else have anything like this?

Yes, so eerie that I’ve seen this post as I’ve come onto mumsnet to numb one of these exact episodes 😢 I wish there was a solution.

I get this with breastfeeding. D-MER, it's called (though that's the lactating term specifically) (dysphoric milk ejection reflex). It's like an intense pang of loneliness, sadness...a homesick feeling even though I'm home. Like an empty, falling, pit of despair type feeling.

I hate it.

I get something similar when I get into a hot bath. Always have done. It's difficult to describe the exact feeling but it fades quickly thank goodness, because I Iike a nice hot bath!

@Cantdecideaway it's horrible isn't it. I had some emotional abuse (although not severe in any way)
in my teenage years and as a result my confidence and self-esteem are really low. I suddenly think of things from that era and feel so dreadful.
Hop you are ok

@Constellation89 can completely identify with that, very similar circumstances myself. I do find the feeling fades if I can keep my mind off it, but I think the sudden unexpected intensity is very difficult to manage.

I think perhaps for me there’s a correlation between me experiencing this feeling on any given day, and me having experienced even some small degree of rejection on that day too

I sympathise OP. It's horrible isn't it then just like that you are thinking of something else, carrying on with your day.

I also get it when I'm eating sometimes, it's strange and I dont understand it. I have no issues with food etc or when I was growing up but If I'm in silence and eating on my own, i can start feeling teary and over thinking things. In my case I think it's my brain playing "catch up" in my quietest moments, like you it can happen with housework too.

Sorry forgot to add that it's worse when I'm stressed etc and I went through a period a few years ago where I was severely anxious and any bit of silence or relaxing was interrupted by something I was trying to avoid thinking of.

@cheeseismydownfall I actually cannot believe you’ve posted that! I’ve had that feeling when stepping into a hot bath since I was about 16.. thought it was just me

Yes I get this! It’s awful - from nowhere I’ll suddenly feel overwhelmed with sadness and total despair. Lasts a minute or so. It’s so strange.

I recognise that and I’m genuinely one of the happiest and luckiest in life people I know. But that random wave of sadness followed by remembering something awful (in my case not so awful as frankly I’ve led a charmed life…mainly incidents of me being an utter idiot) is something I know so well. It is horrible and yes, hits in moments of quiet or when I’m dozing about to fall asleep (and then I have to get up and do something to get past it and avoid spiralling).

Yes! I can be on the verge of tears within seconds.

For me I realise that it's because I'm moving from a care free time of life (20's/ 30's) to one where there's quite a lot of pain and sadness. Friends finding out they can't have children, or struggling to have children, friends divorcing, older relatives dying, my parents struggling with their elderly parents. It's that realisation that life is painful. I didn't used to be able to see it, or visualise it but now I can see how things start to pan out quite differently for some people. I have some friends who don't have partners or children who are already feel quite isolated due to not being with families, especially now everyone isn't so social at the weekends. Then I have my own parents seeming much more frail or less resilient, first few moments of forgetfulness. Feels like it's going to be quite a shift from the endless sunshine of youth.

I get this in the shower, and only in the shower. It's like a sinking feeling, like the bottom has dropped out my stomach and intense sadness

Yes. Me too.
Interesting that so many have mentioned baths or showers.
Although it can happen any time, my most common place is getting dried after swimming. A wave of despair.

Every time I go to the supermarket, the music they play makes me feel like this. It’s truly awful 😩

Another one who gets it in the shower, there must be a connection here?

OP could you be perimenopausal? It’s one of the classic symptoms. I thought I was going mad when it started happening to me in my early/mid 40’s. I just let it pass now. It does tend to be more prevalent when I’m stressed about something unrelated to the menopause.

Yes! This is me! I get sudden waves of sadness that actually feel as though my stomach has been kicked (sometimes I find I've curled over to protect it). I've tried analysing why the sadness but can't come up with anything and I usually have to work at shifting it (taking a walk, caffeine, etc) or it knocks me for six. Nothing to do with baths or showers though!

I get it when I wash my hands. Not every time, but often enough to notice. I thought it was to do with a flashback to when DS was a prem baby in NICU. Lots of intensive hand washing and being alone in the toilets was when I would be able to have a quick cry. It is much more general than that feeling though, a nonspecific dread type thing.
Interesting that others have it showering or bathing!

What an interesting thread, particularly with the water connection. Watching with interest.

Yes, I started to get this when perimenopause hit. At first I was really worried as I thought the depression I'd suffered years ago was returning. But now I know it's just fleeting, lasts maybe 10mins if I distract myself and then I feel fine again, it's so strange.

Yes, I get this. There's never the same trigger as in a specific time or action, but always when I'm doing something that doesn't require concentration. I also suffer with rumination, which a few times of the year can spiral to almost crippling levels for up to a week and is always centred around something stupid or mean I did quite often as a teenager or young adult.

@Fancymice

I get this in the shower, and only in the shower. It's like a sinking feeling, like the bottom has dropped out my stomach and intense sadness

Exactly the same. In the shower. Awful sinking feeling, of the lowest I've felt (and I've been v low). Usually passes within minutes (or gets better).

Sorry to slightly hijack the thread, but @longdissidence I'm amazed to read your post about D-MER. I've very often had this horrible immediate sensation of sudden 'homesickness'-style unhappiness when my nipples are stimulated. Strangely I don't remember it being a problem during breastfeeding, but it used to be very disruptive during sex. I've always had to find ways of politely discouraging partners from handling my nipples during sex. Somehow it never seemed possible to explain the true reason -- it seemed too weird to be believable.
Now finally there seems to be some medical account of it, although always in relation to breastfeeding specifically.

Maybe having our first baths as babies was terrifying to us and we saw it as danger and would panic/cry..? And the mind flashes back time to time (for those who have "shower" sadness ).