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Original poster

Can't motivate myself to do anything at all!

34 replies

leavesthataregreen · 23/08/2021 11:24

Not sure where to post this. Hope it's OK in chat.

It's been a very rough year. Lots of Covid and lockdown related stresses - cancelled work contracts, lots of cancelled plans, DC severely effected by isolation and loneliness, then my dad was very ill and in a hospital that allowed him no visitors for months. Eventually he died and I was responsible for sorting out his funeral, his effects and caring for my mum. So, tough but no more than anyone else has had it.

But now, I just can't motivate myself to do anything. I don't feel depressed. I just can't get started. I work for myself, from home and work is piling up. Housework is piling up. Laundry is piling up. Even nice things that I'd like to do are piling up. I just have coffee and then sit on the sofa and get lost online all day for days on end.

How do I break this cycle? (aware of the irony that I am online asking this Grin )

Has anyone felt similar and managed to reboot themselves and get productive and motivated?

OP posts:
Chikapu · 23/08/2021 11:37

I'm in this exact spot OP, it's been a rough couple of years for me where I've lost both my parents and I'm really struggling with motivation to do anything.
I wake up every morning with good intentions of getting things done but it doesn't always happen. One thing that does help me is making a start as soon as I'm up, I make a cup of tea and get straight on with something. I'll clear and clean the kitchen worktops, dust, put on a load of washing or tidy up.
Grief is a kind of three steps forward two steps back process, be gentle with yourself.

lightand · 23/08/2021 11:41

When was the last time you had a break/longweekend/holiday?

Original poster
leavesthataregreen · 23/08/2021 23:18

@Chikapu - funnily enough I'm the same first thing in the morning. I have an OK routine of waking early, putting on a laundry load, emptying the dishwasher and restacking it with all the dishes that family have left out from snacking after I go to bed Grin. I wipe down the surfaces, make tea in bed for other members of the family, feed the cat and wild birds. All this just takes about 30 mins. Then I have breakfast and grind to a halt.

@lightand - in late June. Had a week in the UK. It was lovely but then we had all the stress of my dad dying. But I was struggling before the holiday too. Really badly procrastinating on work schedule and housework.

OP posts:
Auntycorruption · 23/08/2021 23:25

I'm the same.

I don't know how to improve. So many things to do.

When I'm busy I long for peace, when I'm alone I'm bored and can't find peace

lightand · 24/08/2021 13:56

It has not been long since your dad died.
I dont know that much about bereavement, but I dont think you are going to feel good for a while.

Do you have a social life in real life? People you can talk to? Go for a coffee with? Go for a walk with?

I am surprised you are not getting more replies tbh. I cant think your problem is unique.

TigersandTeddybears · 24/08/2021 14:38

I get like this when I'm depressed. My depression isn't melancholic it's emotionless, it's just grinding to a stop and then not being able to move again. Stuck in a rut and unmotivated to do anything about it. Totally apathy for the outcome of my inaction. No joy, no sadness, no hope, no fear.

The only thing that's got me moving again is medication. Antidepressants get me moving again for long enough to get myself moving again and the things in my life that help happening again. Mediation opens me up to getting better again. It's my momentum for change, the feeling of willingness I get to springboard me back into action.

londonmummy1966 · 24/08/2021 14:41

I agree with PP that it may well be depression - apathy/inability to do things is a symptom. I think that you should have a chat with your GP.

Original poster
leavesthataregreen · 24/08/2021 21:17

Thank you for your replies. I really don't want to believe it is depression as I have had that before and am desperate not to go back on medication as it really wiped out my life for a long time.

OP posts:
BastardMonkfish · 24/08/2021 21:23

I'm like this too. If I don't get out of the house before lunchtime I waste the entire day. Can't even be arsed starting a series on Netflix. I have to force myself out in the morning for a walk or something if I don't want the day to be a write off. Should be a bit better now school is starting again so I'll have to go out for the school run.

NewLifePending · 24/08/2021 21:47

I would agree there is an element of depression here.

I’ve recently started asking sertraline for anxiety and severe PMT. it’s really boosted my mood and motivation and I didn’t think I was depressed at all. I feel great and I’m pleased I started the medication.

Not saying you should, just that you should consider it may be mild depression.

Original poster
leavesthataregreen · 25/08/2021 08:03

Thank you. I will consider the possibility. I think maybe it's the early warning signs of depression and I would like to fight it off without medication if possible.

OP posts:
momofbhoys · 26/08/2021 08:46

@leavesthataregreen

So sorry you are going through all this you are so open minded to say covid was hard on everyone, that isn't really true though is it? It was much harder on some people because of their situation. You sound like someone it was extra hard for. Is it not totally natural to be depressed and at a loss right now given what has happened? Would most members of society. It feel like you do right now?

I don't know much about grief and I don't want to be totally patronising but could you go for a brisk walk every day after you do your morning routine?

Original poster
leavesthataregreen · 26/08/2021 08:57

I really appreciate all the support and kindness in the replies so far.

But I'm also hoping someone will come along and say, yes this happened to me and here's how I got over it. How do you motivate yourself when you have no motivation to motivate yourself?

OP posts:
RickOShay · 26/08/2021 08:57

@leavesthataregreen I’m exactly the same Grin
Even down to clearing up snacking evidence after I’ve gone to bed!
I’m trying to embrace it. Like you, and lots of people the past year has been so stressful. The world has tilted and it’s not going to tilt back.
If you want to pm me maybe we could motivate each other a bit?
I used to be very mindful, naturally just was, I’m trying to recover that a bit. Just a few gratitudes. I am truly grateful I just really really don’t want to do ANYTHING.

RickOShay · 26/08/2021 08:58

Sorry cross post Smile

RickOShay · 26/08/2021 08:59

I think I’m going for the sit with it approach. We might end up boring ourselves Grin

RickOShay · 26/08/2021 09:23

Can’t move now as the cat is sitting on me Grin

Original poster
leavesthataregreen · 26/08/2021 13:59

@RickOShay - having a cat on your lap is an absolutely reasonable excuse for not doing anything, for as long as the cat chooses to be there. Grin

Doesn't it drive you mad, though? I'm sitting on three projects, all with long standing clients, all of whom I rate and like. I love the work but I just can't focus on it. I feel like I need to get someone in to steam clean my brain.

OP posts:
RickOShay · 26/08/2021 17:17

Yes. But every day I think RIGHT today is the day I’m going to drink lots of water, plant the plants that I’ve had for months, go to the tip, cook healthy food, hem the curtains, find out about college, have meaningful interaction with the dc, get the dc off their screens, Hoover, look for another job, wash the kitchen floor, sort out recycling…..
And every day I just drink lots of tea, and not much else. So I’m doing reverse psychology. I’m embracing it. Like you, this past year has been one of the most stressful I’ve ever experienced.
I just think I’ve run out of puff. I’m ALL OUT. So give yourself a week or so of doing bugger all without feeling guilty, get it out of your system.
See how you feel then.
Flowers

RickOShay · 26/08/2021 17:20

@leavesthataregreen right now I’m eating revels, watching spaced and on my 10th cuppa of the day.
I did cook egg ham and chips as a v late lunch. So that means I’m not doing tea. Kids being dysfunctional. Cat next to me.

Leftbutcameback · 26/08/2021 17:23

It sounds like you've had a terrible time I'm and as others have said grief hits us all differently. I've heard Cruse are very good if you would like to talk to someone.

In terms of practical tips the one I found best with to set yourself a timer and do something for that period of time and then stop. So it could just be 15 minutes then you have 45 minutes to sit browse online and chill with the cat. Would that help at all?

It also sounds like you've got a really long to-do list and that is causing stress itself. So maybe write down some smaller tasks that you could do in the 15 minutes and just taking those off might help with motivation.

These are probably really stupid ideas so sorry if they're not useful, but wanted to suggest something. Good luck!

Original poster
leavesthataregreen · 26/08/2021 17:30

Thank you @Leftbutcameback. That's good advice about the 15 minute bursts of activity. I'll try that tomorrow.

I seem to manage one job from the list every day, no more. So yesterday I did my invoices and went for a very short walk. Today I wrote to my mum (she has dementia and loves receiving letters she can reread rather than having phone calls she forgets), helped DS2 write his CV and had a long conversation with DSis about what to do with parents' house which left me exhausted.

Still not started my actual work projects. Was given an extension on them but don't want it to be a race to the deadline.

@RickOShay - I like your thinking. I get it - if you decide to do nothing that's a very different feeling than doing nothing and then feeling guilty about it. I feel like I've sort of done that for a few days now though, and I want to get back some energy. (I say that but I have spent all day on MN or reading a novel. Enjoying the novel, though, so that's something! Grin )

OP posts:
Original poster
leavesthataregreen · 26/08/2021 17:37

@RickOShay

I think I’m going for the sit with it approach. We might end up boring ourselves Grin
OK, I am actually going to try this. Years and years ago I had depression - the real thing not what I feel now which I think is a mixture of grief and burnout. It came after a really severe post viral fatigue that left me pretty much bed bound. The breakthrough came when I bundled myself up in a blanket one day and sat outside lie a Victorian invalid in a sanatorium, and told myself, 'You're ill. You need to rest to get better.' It was a very different mindset from thinking, 'Stop lying in bed! Do something!'

Do you find it helps @RickOShay, to actively do nothing rather than mean to do something and fail?

OP posts:
Original poster
leavesthataregreen · 26/08/2021 17:38

Oh and the tea drinking! I'm matching you on that. Grin

OP posts:
Leftbutcameback · 26/08/2021 18:08

@leavesthataregreen I know it's not the point of the thread but I really appreciate you sharing about your mum and the letters. I worry about my parents and will remember that if the time comes.