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Original poster

Is this an excessive amount to drink?

54 replies

Pantaloony · 23/08/2021 07:44

I’m not a drinker but when MIL visits for a weekend she seems to drink an excessive amount. The last occasion she came to visit she had a whole bottle of Baileys, a bottle of wine and half a bottle of Malibu in one evening. Following night she had another bottle of wine, the rest of the Malibu and went home the following day. DH doesn’t bat an eyelid as he said that’s not a lot compared to what she used to drink when he was growing up. When she comes to visit it’s like a holiday for her as she lives quite far so she says she treats herself which I can understand. I was concerned last time she came as she stopped at Sainsbury’s to get the alcohol and had to fight the urge to take a swig of the baileys before driving to ours (she has been done for drink driving in the past). At home she doesn’t drink during the week as she is doing Slimming World but can easily drink a whole bottle of gin in one evening at the weekend as well as a bottle of wine. She argues gin is not high in alcohol compared to other spirits and as it’s usually a flavoured gin she can drink it straight. She has mentioned in the past she doesn’t have an alcohol problem but she is single and lives on her own so I worry she might be struggling, although DH thinks her drinking has improved.

OP posts:

FusionChefGeoff · 23/08/2021 07:45

It's a huge amount but I'm not sure there's anything you can do about it.

PersonaNonGarter · 23/08/2021 07:46

Well, it is a lot of alcohol objectively. You or her or DH can count the units and see that it is.

It sounds grim.

DisgruntledPelican · 23/08/2021 07:46

I was concerned last time she came as she stopped at Sainsbury’s to get the alcohol and had to fight the urge to take a swig of the baileys before driving to ours (she has been done for drink driving in the past).

That is concerning, did she say to you that she had to fight the urge?

I think that’s an enormous amount to drink and it dangerous even without the driving aspect.

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Icenii · 23/08/2021 07:48

Did she drive home the morning after? I'd never get in the car if she is driving. The calories must be massive too.

PurpleDaisies · 23/08/2021 07:48

You can easily look up how many units it is and see it’s not anywhere near what’s considered healthy. It might be she’s in holiday mode as you say but there are other red flags. It’s difficult to see how you can raise it with her if your dh isn’t concerned. Maybe you have a better relationship with your MIL than I do with mine.

grey12 · 23/08/2021 07:53

When you measure in big bottles rather than glasses is a big hint there......

Original poster

Pantaloony · 23/08/2021 08:07

That is exactly my thinking but DH doesn’t seem remotely bothered by it!

@DisgruntledPelican Yes she said she really wanted a drink before getting in the car but made herself not do it. She has only visited twice this year and the drive is about 4 hours so I can understand it’s tiring and she feels the need to unwind.

In the past I have watched her pour herself a drink and half a glass would be of vodka and the rest topped up with coke or orange juice which seems so strong. Her moods swings had been awful in the last 10 years which she put down to menopause (she is now in her 60s) but recently they have improved which I can only put it down to the fact she isn’t drinking as much as she used to (but quite a lot in one sitting when she does drink).

We used to travel up for Christmas but with a baby we can’t do the long drive with all the stuff in tow and did ask her to come and spend a week with us from Boxing Day last year so we could do Christmas Day as a family ourselves and she refused as she likes to drink at Christmas. DH feels guilty and feels we should have his mum over Christmas otherwise she would be on her own, despite the fact he has siblings who live 20 minutes from his mum who all won’t have her for Christmas. The drinking does concern me, especially as she would like to have our son at some point for a weekend.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pantaloony · 23/08/2021 08:10

@Icenii Yes she drove home the following day (came down Friday night and drove home Sunday morning). I always thought alcohol was full of empty calories but Slimming World allows you to drink a certain amount and she makes up for it by eating loads of speed foods during the week so it balances out.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 23/08/2021 08:11

I always thought alcohol was full of empty calories but Slimming World allows you to drink a certain amount and she makes up for it by eating loads of speed foods during the week so it balances out.

It won’t balance out that many calories.

TheChosenTwo · 23/08/2021 08:17

Okay that does seem like quiet a lot!
I get the idea that being “away on holiday” is a good reason to celebrate with perhaps a few too many drinks but that’s excessive.
Not sure there’s anything you can do, she’s probably not looking for help to cut down, but I certainly wouldn’t be leaving her in charge of a small child if she’s drinking that much on a regular basis.

lollipoprainbow · 23/08/2021 08:21

Urgh a whole bottle of baileys would finish me off ! Let alone anything else to drink.

mummabubs · 23/08/2021 08:22

Hi OP, I can understand if you don't drink it might feel hard to gauge where MiLs drinking sits. I've got experience of working with people who have a problematic relationship with alcohol alongside personal experience. To put it in context the amount that your MiL drank in one evening is considerably over the entire weekly recommended maximum intake. The fact that she can drink that without being ill would suggest to me that she's developed a high tolerance (and indicates high levels of drinking). Another warning sign is that she has convictions for drink driving and felt she couldn't resist having a swig en route to you despite knowing it's illegal and dangerous. If she was asked to cut down or stop drinking completely do you think she would feel able to? If not that's another sign that her relationship with alcohol is unhealthy. My guess is that because DH says she used to drink more when he was growing up his view of what constitutes a problematic level may be skewed.

mummabubs · 23/08/2021 08:24

*I'm also feeling an urge to clarify it's not me who's had alcohol dependency but relatives on my side and also currently on my in-laws side. I find the in-laws side harder to deal with as like you, my DH swings between saying he doesn't think there is a problem (there quite blatantly is) or that there is a problem but he doesn't want me to say anything in case it upsets the person who is drinking. Our DC are starting to pick up on it when we see them and that's really sad.

BikeRunSki · 23/08/2021 08:26

That’s a lot of alcohol, in 2 days, even if she is holiday mode.

The wanting a drink as soon as she’d bought the Malibu from Sainsbury’s is a little worrying, but she didn’t take that drink which shows some control.

whattodo2019 · 23/08/2021 08:28

Wow that's so much alcohol to drink at once. Two glasses of baileys with ice and I am absolutely hammered....
I would be incredibly concerned. Could your DH talk to other family members and perhaps approach her with their concerns?

Original poster

Pantaloony · 23/08/2021 08:35

Thanks for all your replies and confirming that it is an excessive amount to drink.

@mummabubs She has said she will never give up drinking but I do think she has a very high tolerance so what she feels is a reasonable amount to drink is quite a lot. Sadly there is a lot of alcoholism in DH’s family and in comparison DH feels his mum doesn’t have a drinking problem. I do worry that she is going to drink herself to a grave but I don’t think she will ever change. DH seems to be the one who is expected to look after her and I am concerned it will get very messy.

OP posts:

TheVolturi · 23/08/2021 08:38

That's plain to see to anyone that it's a lot!

LynseyLoses · 23/08/2021 08:44

That is a tonne of booze, yes and I come from a fairly boozy family. I don't see that there's anything you can do about it though. As for your DH being the one to take care of her if she descends into full blown non-functioning alcoholism....well he doesn't have to be at all. I've had alcoholism in my family too and actively avoided those people, (especially the one who kept getting arrested and putting me down as his address when he got out, because his wife wouldn't have him - no thank you).

I also had one relative who just stopped drinking with barely any drama, and he would have been a three bottles of wine per night person! He did Sober October or Dry January or one of those and just stopped drinking after that. No input from you is going to make a difference tbh. It's a cliché but they do have to decide for themselves.

grey12 · 23/08/2021 08:48

[quote Pantaloony]@Icenii Yes she drove home the following day (came down Friday night and drove home Sunday morning). I always thought alcohol was full of empty calories but Slimming World allows you to drink a certain amount and she makes up for it by eating loads of speed foods during the week so it balances out.[/quote]
Uhoh! That's a recipe for disaster...... when you drink much you need to eat!

OneAugustNight · 23/08/2021 08:50

Yes it’s a lot but it sounds like she is used to it and she can make her own decisions. I wouldn’t have thought there was anything you can do.

I might have said try to do activities where you don’t have access to alcohol but she would obviously still drink when she got home.

doadeer · 23/08/2021 09:08

It's a huge amount.

LaMadrilena · 23/08/2021 09:34

It's a huge amount. And all that sugar in the Baileys etc is a big problem too. That's some serious self-deception going on there too if she's trying to lose weight!

Ticksallboxes · 23/08/2021 12:01

That's an INCREDIBLE amount to drink - Christ knows how much she drank before!! The associated health risks are one thing but the amount of excess calories are mind-blowing!

According to this chart a glass of wine is about 121 calories; there's about five glasses in a bottle which is about 605 calories per bottle.

Spirits are about 97 calories per shot (apart from vodka); there's about 16 shots in a average bottle of spirits, which is about 1,552 calories per bottle.

If your MIL drank a bottle of Baileys, half a bottle of Malibu and a bottle of wine in one evening, she consumed almost 3000 calories in alcohol alone. The recommended daily calorie intake for women is 2000, so she's already 1000 calories over before she's eaten anything!!

MissCruellaDeVil · 23/08/2021 12:09

That's a huge amount to drink and I'm a pretty heavy drinker! A bottle of Baileys and the wine would finish me off, then I definitely wouldn't be drinking the next day. I can only imagine how heavy she must of drank before if DH thinks she has improved. Perhaps tell her about all the calories, which will be what is stopping her from loosing weight.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 23/08/2021 12:16

Of course it's a huge amount of alcohol. You must know this. Why are you even asking?

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