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Original poster

Is this an excessive amount to drink?

54 replies

Pantaloony · 23/08/2021 07:44

I’m not a drinker but when MIL visits for a weekend she seems to drink an excessive amount. The last occasion she came to visit she had a whole bottle of Baileys, a bottle of wine and half a bottle of Malibu in one evening. Following night she had another bottle of wine, the rest of the Malibu and went home the following day. DH doesn’t bat an eyelid as he said that’s not a lot compared to what she used to drink when he was growing up. When she comes to visit it’s like a holiday for her as she lives quite far so she says she treats herself which I can understand. I was concerned last time she came as she stopped at Sainsbury’s to get the alcohol and had to fight the urge to take a swig of the baileys before driving to ours (she has been done for drink driving in the past). At home she doesn’t drink during the week as she is doing Slimming World but can easily drink a whole bottle of gin in one evening at the weekend as well as a bottle of wine. She argues gin is not high in alcohol compared to other spirits and as it’s usually a flavoured gin she can drink it straight. She has mentioned in the past she doesn’t have an alcohol problem but she is single and lives on her own so I worry she might be struggling, although DH thinks her drinking has improved.

OP posts:
candycane222 · 23/08/2021 12:26

There probably won't be a lot you or dh can do about it, but be prepared for her to become very ill, unfortunately. In your position Im afraid Id be really concerned about her drink driving again and harming a third party. No way would she have cleared all that alcohol from her system before she set off, I'd think :(.

Sadly, you won't be able to let het care for dc unsupervised. NEVER let her take him in her car.

If you confront her, she wi probably just use the "stress" as an excuse to drink ... but there are a lot of people on here with direct experience.

It may be the best thing you can do here is to support your dh to understand more. Maybe something like al-anon.

He is wrong to dismiss the amounts as 'unproblematic' but he may actually be right not to try to intervene or take any responsibility.

coffeeisthebest · 23/08/2021 12:37

She has an addiction. Your husband sounds like he may be living in (understandable but needs to be addressed) denial. A member of my family drinks like this too. She is completely unaware of her affect on anyone around her.

DerAlteMann · 23/08/2021 13:11

No OP, that is not a "lot" to drink. It's a huge amount to drink and definitely excessive IMO.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General food
grey12 · 23/08/2021 14:14

Btw if you have any DC, you can't leave them in her care. It's not safe...

Original poster
Pantaloony · 23/08/2021 15:16

@grey12 DH has said we will be expected to leave our son with her at some point because he grew up spending weekends with his nan (but this was because his mum went clubbing to get trolleyed most weekends). I’m uncomfortable with this but I’m hoping we have a while yet before we need to have a conversation about it.

I know it’s a stupid question to ask if it is an excessive amount but all of DH’s family are aware how much his mum drinks and no one questions it, in fact they will often buy bottles of alcohol for her birthday and Christmas.

OP posts:
goingtotown · 23/08/2021 15:37

I’m surprised that she wasn’t unconscious after drinking that amount.

grey12 · 23/08/2021 16:13

A lot of people have a "happy go lucky" attitude. "It's fine", "it's normal".... except in this instance it isn't.....

Let me guess: she doesn't ever go to the doctor because she's hardly ever been in her life and she's "healthy"?

About your DC, you have to bring your DH back down to earth. Show him the information from the NHS website about drinking or something. I wouldn't leave my DC with someone who drinks so much and so carelessly. She could even drive while tipsy...... you lose inhibitions and awareness when drunk

PersonaNonGarter · 23/08/2021 16:14

It’s not appropriate that she looks after your child so tell your DH no.

That’s not a discussion topic. It’s a flat no.

SparklingLime · 23/08/2021 16:25

To put it in context the amount that your MiL drank in one evening is considerably over the entire weekly recommended maximum intake.

That’s quite an understatement, @mummabubs. Even if we assume she drank the smaller 70cl bottles of Baileys and Malibu, that’s 36 units, which is 2.5 times the recommended weekly allowance in one night.

mummabubs · 23/08/2021 19:08

@SparklingLime seems a little odd to pick me up on that- I did say considerably over, was out and about so couldn't calculate the exact amount but it's not like I've said she's not drinking excessively or has no issue with alcohol!?

@Pantaloony Honestly stand your ground on the being expected to leave DC. With the in-law I mentioned even though DH is reluctant to address it I've made it absolutely clear that we are not leaving either DC with them while they continue to drink as they do. 4 years in and they have never seen DC without us being there. Might be worth pointing out to DH the impact it can have - my grandparents who were both alcoholics were never abusive or angry etc. But as a child I could tell they weren't quite right even though I didn't understand why, and they weren't emotionally available for me at all due to being drunk.

Original poster
Pantaloony · 23/08/2021 19:32

@mummabubs Thanks for your thoughts, it is hard as I suspect DH accepts there is nothing he can do about his mum’s drinking, she won’t listen and she is not looking to reduce the amount either (she is drinking less than she used to because she is doing Slimming World).

@grey12 MIL is actually a bit of a hypercondriac and quite anxious (was especially anxious during lockdown) and would constantly go to the doctors about all sorts. But if you say it could be the drink causing her health issues she will strenuously deny it. She often denies she is hungover when she has had a particularly heavy night and blames the food she ate the night before or the breakfast or travel sickness.

OP posts:
HarrisMcCoo · 23/08/2021 20:25

FFS, how on earth does she have enough time in the day to drink all that?!? That would take me at least a week as I don't tolerate alcohol well. That's an incredible amount 😱

HarrisMcCoo · 23/08/2021 20:27

@goingtotown

I’m surprised that she wasn’t unconscious after drinking that amount.
You can build up a tolerance to it after a while.
ActonSquirrel · 23/08/2021 20:30

Slimming world is rubbish. Pasta is a free food meaning you can eat unlimited quantities during the day. Most pasta is 300 calories per 100g so if you ate unlimited quantities of that you'd struggle to lose weight. The starch as well is awful for blood sugar.

That aside she is an alcoholic

grey12 · 23/08/2021 21:05

Ohhh! That's actually better but it does surprise me that the doctor hasn't picked on her terrible drinking (has she commented about it?). I had a friend who drank by the bottle (and he was young!) and his dentist told him he needed to stop drinking so much......

Ninkanink · 23/08/2021 21:09

@PersonaNonGarter

It’s not appropriate that she looks after your child so tell your DH no.

That’s not a discussion topic. It’s a flat no.

This.

Absolutely no way should your child(ren) ever be left alone with her.

Audit · 24/08/2021 08:57

She is in her sixties so as her metabolism slows down further, she will eat less food because her body will prioritise those available from the alcohol. This will set off a chain reaction with her focus on slimming, so eventually she will eat next to nothing and source almost all her carbs from alcohol. Her life expectancy can only now be a few short years.

Audit · 24/08/2021 08:58

Those calories available from alcohol I meant to post.

LynseyLoses · 24/08/2021 09:00

@Audit

She is in her sixties so as her metabolism slows down further, she will eat less food because her body will prioritise those available from the alcohol. This will set off a chain reaction with her focus on slimming, so eventually she will eat next to nothing and source almost all her carbs from alcohol. Her life expectancy can only now be a few short years.
Yes, this happened to a female relative of mine too Sad

She dieted like hell and got all her calories, especially carbs as she ate low carb, from booze. She was really skinny for a while, then ended up hugely overweight but malnourished. She would go into hospital, dry out and look amazing. Then she'd get bored and drink all the time. Anyway, she died in her late fifties. I actually blame her obsession with being thin and gorgeous as much as alcohol. Very, very sad.

MyneAllMyne · 24/08/2021 09:08

No way should you be leaving a young child in the care of your MIL. She is clearly an alcoholic. There’s a reason that the DC’s who live close to her distance themselves. They probably see more than you and your DH do. How many times will she feel the need to have a ‘little’ sip of alcohol if your DC was playing up a bit? It’s sad that your DH is okay with the amount she currently drinks because it’s less than she used to drink.

I’ve battled with alcohol addiction for years, as they say, it takes one to know one.

WimpoleHat · 24/08/2021 09:11

Oh heck - I opened this thread thinking it was going to be another “a mini bottle of Prosecco more than twice a week means you’re a raging alcoholic” pile on. But yes, your MIL clearly drinks too much and clearly has a problem with it….

DrDetriment · 24/08/2021 09:13

It's a vast amount to drink and would put most people in hospital.

Mamette · 24/08/2021 09:21

Why are people talking about calories? That’s not important. She is an alcoholic. If she was still upright after even half of what she drank then she is drinking this regularly.

No getting in the car with her and no way to her being alone with dc.

Audit · 24/08/2021 09:36

@Mamette
You are missing the point about calories. It is highly relevant for this woman's life. Alcoholism has a play on eating disorders. She will eventually only get calories from alcohol and her body will not seek them from other sources. Like @LynseyLoses I have also known someone, a mother in her 40's, who spent the last six months of her life drinking two bottles of vodka a day and eating next to no food.
Of course, not driving and not being around kids is essential, but is really a separate issue.

Mamette · 24/08/2021 13:31

No… the point is this woman is an alcoholic. So she’s drinking her calories, yes that’s very common with alcohol addiction. The OP can’t change or control this problem. All she can do is keep herself and her family safe.