Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Fear of driving and overcoming it

72 replies

Petitegirl · 22/08/2021 11:05

Hi all,
I am looking for some success stories of someone who had a driving phobia and managed to overcome it. Any tips and practical advices please :)

I passed my driving exam few years ago but I have a big anxiety of driving on my own to the point now that it developed into a phobia. I must overcome it but don’t know how to start. Did a refresh lesson and instructor said I am safe driver just my confidence is a problem :(

Thank you all for your time.

OP posts:

Miracle29 · 22/08/2021 11:56

I've posted on here about the same thing I've been able to drive for a couple of years and I get so nervous before driving. I had to go out for the first time last week in over a year due to lockdown and before I went I had sweaty palms, racing heart, felt sick. I even planned my journey even though I knew where to go. I was ok o did make mistakes but it's how we learn I guess. I wont go anywhere I dont know and even though that journey was ok I'd still be the same driving again I know I will. So thought I'm not much help I'd like to say your definitely not alone!

Fluffandbubbles · 22/08/2021 12:28

I took 5 attempts to pass my test and found it hard but now drive loads without worrying about it. The only way is to drive more , start off by going out for a drive when roads are quiet and you know the route, build up to busier times, different routes. Once it becomes habit and part of your normal routine you’ll be fine. Can you drive for 20 minutes 2 or 3 times a day .. just drive to Tescos and turn round and come back again - honestly driving more is the only was to get rid of the jitters . Good luck

lonelySam · 22/08/2021 19:05

Me! Me! Me! I had horrible anxiety about driving and people were mocking me constantly about how rubbish I was. (I was rubbish?). Then I signed up to RoSPA and it changed my life. Look them up. Do the course. It's not easy and it is difficult before it becomes easy but it is totally worth it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Driving & parking

LostArcher · 22/08/2021 19:09

Me! Passed when I was late teens and the couldn't drive for years. I finally started driving when I was pregnant and just couldn't manage the walk from the station anymore. What helped - a car I really liked with a very obvious clutch biting point and good brakes. Going out by myself so I could make mistakes without judgement. Tiny journeys first - into town, straight road, easy turns. Go when quiet even if that is in the evening or very early. I love driving now but I was absolutely terrified.

MauveMavis · 22/08/2021 19:12

I got a bit phobic about driving after an accident.

Things that helped. Familiar car that I paid the insurance on so any bump was only going to impact me. Going out and driving on my own with no audience. Once I was a bit more confident again being forced to drive by my lovely relatives (ie no more handing keys to other person and saying "oh no you drive". I'd just get them handed straight back to me).

I had been very used to driving a particular manufacturers cars so started off only driving them. Now I've been back driving for a bit I think I could handle a hire car again.

Still get twitchy on dual carriage way which is where my accident happened. But hacking round town (which is what I need to do most often) is no hassle.

inmyslippers · 22/08/2021 19:13

I passed late 20s out of necessity. Its still
A working progress. 4th year of driving and only just started tackling motorways. Id say go at your own pace. Tinker around locally. I fell in love with driving down country lanes. Would whack an audiobook on or some music, it's so nice to finally find enjoyment in driving after years of absolute anxiety.

Original poster

Petitegirl · 22/08/2021 19:25

@lonelySam- can you please give more details about this RoSPA?
Thank you 🙏

OP posts:

Original poster

Petitegirl · 22/08/2021 19:26

@Miracle29 - we are not alone that is for sure :) we can become supporting buddies :))))))

OP posts:

Original poster

Petitegirl · 22/08/2021 19:30

Thank you all for kind responses. So there is hope for me, I already forced myself and did 3 trips to the local shop, it is a huuge step for me as I did it on my own and before I couldn’t face the idea of going alone in the car.
Still lots of work to do but for sure I am not planning to give up.
My biggest worry is spacial awareness and speed judgment but I believe it all comes with experience.
Anyone any tips?

OP posts:

AluckyEllie · 22/08/2021 20:01

I still have quite a fear of driving unknown places but it’s improving. What helped me was a couple of refresher lessons with a great laid back driving instructor who would say ‘drive me to …’ and then sit back on his phone not watching the road. It meant he was there if I got stuck or had to double check something but I was doing it by myself.

I then did a few long drives with a friend who is an experienced driver. It wasn’t really arranged but I’d say ‘can I drive to get the experience’ and tbh she enjoyed having a break. Again it was the reassurance that someone else was there. Then, I’d do the same drives on my own. I haven’t done big drives alone yet, only within 1.5 hours of my house so I do still have the fear but am able to make use of the car.

Miracle29 · 23/08/2021 09:09

@petitegirl your doing better than I am already just by pushing yourself to do it. I literally find any excuse not too even when I really want to. Such as my neighbour has a big car and the back of her car is very close to our drive and at the moment we only have a a tiny dropped dropped kerb for some reason, there was no drive when we moved in we put it in but not yet dropped the kerb fully and I dont want to keep driving over the grass so try my best to go on the small dropped kerb we have but by doing that I'm very close to their car and there is also a car opposite which makes it tighter to get in and out. I've had people pass in my family recently and they're driving all sorts of places and it annoys me I havnt done that because I'm too nervous.

Peacrock · 23/08/2021 09:16

I think it's more common that it seems. The thing that helped me was having to drive every day to work, and often with additional travel to other sites which pushed me to go places I was unfamiliar with- over time it became easier. Over lockdown I found it creeping back I hadn't had to drive as much, so made sure to drive somewhere every evening, and then every other day and now I feel fine just going out as needed.

RHOShitVille · 23/08/2021 09:24

Another one here.

What helped me was just having to drive - we moved house and I had to drive DD to nursery every day (but I didn't really enjoy doing much else). I found if I took a break from those journeys, the nerves returned.

If I had to go somewhere new I would google the route and where / how I would park.

However, the game changer for me was (after 10+ years of driving and not liking it) was getting my own car (rather than driving the family car, which DH always chose). Its an automatic, so all the stalling nerves are gone - its small so easy to park and its mine! I now enjoy driving (but still not keen on long trips!).

RumblyMumbly · 23/08/2021 09:24

I've been driving for 5 years and can actually relax and enjoy it now if it is one of the routes I regularly do! If it's a route I haven't done before get anxious and I totally avoid motorways so I get DH to do those journeys. I know its in my head as I am a perfectly good driver (no accidents, good anticipation, always concentrate) so the next big push for me is not to take the easy option and let DH drive - like the pp I need to get him to hand me the keys back. Practice made me confident locally, and practice on other roads is what I need.

You can do it @Petitegirl

Miracle29 · 23/08/2021 09:52

@RHOShitville that's exactly what I do Google my route and figure where to park. There have been times I've got there and theres actually no where to park soni end up in another street and walking. I cant believe how common this is to be honest. My partner is just saying the only person that can help you is you, you need get in it and just drive. Not necessarily supportive but I know hes right

Original poster

Petitegirl · 23/08/2021 10:32

@Miracle29- start with small steps, drive around the block or even to next road, many, many times until becomes boring and no anxiety. This is how I started doing it.
The same words from my hubby - that is only in my head and the more I practice the better and easier will become.
My concern is being afraid to make mistakes that could potentially harm someone. I know I am conscious and responsible person but the fear of making mistake is stopping me :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Petitegirl · 23/08/2021 10:33

@RumblyMumbly- thank you very much for kind and encouraging words :)

OP posts:

GertrudeKerfuffle · 23/08/2021 10:44

Hi OP

I've not had a phobia of driving, but it can make me anxious sometimes - busy motorways and driving in poor visibility are my downfall. I think it's a case of building up slowly to get your confidence, which is what you're doing. I remember a colleague saying whilst I was learning to drive that eventually driving becomes almost second nature, in that once you've completed your journey you've forgotten how you got where you were going I've thought back on this comment a few times since I passed my test, and can confirm it's true. Good luck!

MzHz · 23/08/2021 10:46

I know a few women who drove well for years only to suffer anxiety over driving when peri menopausal

Is this a factor for any of you?

EvenLess07 · 23/08/2021 10:49

I hope I can get to the place where I can drive. I need to ring the DVLA to sort out reapplying for my provisional license as they said I didn't provide all the evidence I need to when they sent the form back to me, months ago. I feel sick at the thought of even sorting the form out, let alone getting behind the wheel again

Wharehina · 23/08/2021 11:04

I developed driving-anxiety five years ago after moving to a new area in a different part of the country. I had a horrible experience shortly after moving where a huge truck tail-gated me for miles on a windy single-carriage road where there were no laybys; the next time I drove after that I had a panic attack, and after that I developed major anxiety about driving because I was scared of having a panic attack and losing control of the car. I could drive around my small town, but there were junctions I avoided, and I hated doing right-hand turns. It was really limiting. In the end I went to my GP who prescribed beta blockers - propanalol - and they really helped. I booked my daughter swimming lessons twice a week in the next town, about 10 miles away which I’d been scared to drive to before, and would take beta blockers before each journey (I did this because I knew I couldn’t avoid the drive without letting my daughter down). After a few weeks I felt confident enough to try the drive without the beta blockers, and that went well. So after another few weeks I decided to drive to a town an hour away. I took beta blockers again before that one, then the next time I did it I did it without the beta blockers. I used to give myself positive feedback while I was driving, too. It took a while, but I now happily drive to my parents-in-law five hours away on my own. I’m never going to be the sort of person who really loves driving, and I do keep beta blockers in my handbag in case I start feeling the fear again so I can nip it in the bud straight away.

Original poster

Petitegirl · 23/08/2021 14:53

@Wharehina- I am breastfeeding at the moment so don’t really want to take beta blockers :(
I forced myself today and did a little drive, different route though. Still nervous and I need to keep doing it every single day until it will get better.
Thank you all for taking time to reply to this post :)

OP posts:

RumblyMumbly · 23/08/2021 15:37

I promise you like anything it does get better the more you do it. I couldn't drive when my DC were little and it really limited the activities we could do or where we can meet people. I'm so pleased I can now take them to a range of parks and parties and friends houses (albeit in the zone I'm happy to drive in!) When you are dropping your children at activities in the rain in the future you will be glad you can drive I also think I'm setting the kids a good example at working on something that doesn't come easily to me.

RumblyMumbly · 23/08/2021 15:45

I also think to myself if my MIL / weird neighbour can do it so can I. If they are safe to be on the road remind yourself that you can do what they can! Don't expect to suddenly like driving overnight, but gradually it will get better especially on familiar routes.

Original poster

Petitegirl · 23/08/2021 16:53

@RumblyMumbly - that is my one major reason why I want to overcome the fear. My eldest daughter had a very high fever out of sudden and they have asked us to come to hospital within 45 min. Luckily my husband was home but I was thinking what would I have done if was on my own. Also I would like to take them to classes and activities.
At the moment I am working on the route I need the most ( shop, GP, hospital and zoo)

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3