Fear of driving and overcoming it

[Petitegirl]

Hi all,
I am looking for some success stories of someone who had a driving phobia and managed to overcome it. Any tips and practical advices please :)

I passed my driving exam few years ago but I have a big anxiety of driving on my own to the point now that it developed into a phobia. I must overcome it but don’t know how to start. Did a refresh lesson and instructor said I am safe driver just my confidence is a problem :(

Thank you all for your time.

Exactly I managed for years not needing to drive but when it started affecting my children's lives that was the push I needed to make myself do it. It will make your life easier too long term

Same reason I'm doing it mostly is for my dc. My eldest has to go to the dentist quite often and I'm always trying to find the times my partner finishes work to take him and it's only a 15 minute drive. I'm really jealous of those of you who are driving further. I know it will come in time we need to keep pushing. This time a few months ago I was sure I was alone in feeling this way and everyone else just passed and drove wherever.

This is me too. I passed just before lockdown- and I'm nervous of driving on my own. I've done it, but hate not knowing the way, and I once stalled at a steep hill give way junction.

I can drive, and have been told that I can, and am having a few lessons with my instructor to try and rebuild my confidence.

We can do it.

Hi OP
I saw this thread yesterday and was too busy to reply!!
I am the world most anxious driver a d I always read these threads for support/advice or tips.
I've got to pop out(on foot) but will be back to give you my advice(not sure I can call it advice tbh)

@cricketball- we certainly can do this. Just need to believe in ourselfs and of course practice more and more.
To be honest this post and the replies gives me more and more hope and strenght to overcome the fear :)

I'm the exact same!

I passed my test 4 years ago but never really drove aside from a 5 minute drive to town or the train station very occasionally. Last year I'm pretty sure the only journey my car did was to the garage to have its MOT done.

I have a new job where driving is a lot easier than public transport and I have decided enough is enough and it's something I am determined to tackle. I bought a newer car a few days ago that I feel a lot safer in as my previous car was small with a small engine and I felt quite vulnerable on the road.

So far I have just driven around an industrial estate popular with learner drivers just to get used to the car and today I'm venturing out onto the proper roads albeit just a quick 5 minute drive to Tesco and back. I'm hoping at the weekend I can go for a longer drive to the next town.

I don't know why driving makes me so nervous. I'm confident and capable in every other facet of my life but driving just makes me incredibly nervous. I passed my driving test with no minors and I'm very observant when driving.

Took me 6 attempts to pass my test as I got so nervous. I really didn't like driving for ages after I passed and it reached its zenith after I had my first DC. I'd take 3 separate trains to visit a relative which would have been a 35 minute drive in the car.

It only really got much better after an immediate relative was dying and I had to visit them daily doing a 40min drive along very busy dual carriageways/motorways and multiple lane roundabouts. That helped immensely and now I can get in the car and go most places without worrying too much.

I’m in a similar situation but what has already helped me is driving an automatic, so so much easier! No clutch or constantly changing gears, took a lot of anxiety out of navigating junctions.

If you can op book a lesson in an automatic and see how you get on.

@GoldenHours - the samw here. I am considering myself a confident person, but driving always makes me anxious an extremely nervous and I can't explain why.
I should probably set up a group on whatsapp :):)))))

I just typed a huge post and deleted it!!
I will sum up.
Late learner but passed first time. Had car 2 yrs now, but didnt hardly drive for first year.
Last 6 months is probably the most I've driven.
Big mistake was not getting on it straightaway. Car was unfamiliar and quick and I felt out of my depth.
I didnt ask for help and its got to the stage it's too awkward to.
Although I'm making slow progress by myself
Early mornings or nights and especially Sunday are great times to just go for a drive. I do this still. Or get petrol or have a little practice parking. I actually quite enjoy driving then.
I live in a city where public transport is excellent.
I will avoid driving if I can walk or if DH is home.
However, I now do not wait for DH and will take DC places (not far) which is a massive achievement for me.
I Google everything to death and stress about car parks in case they are full or theres only one space. I will park further away if possible.
I'm.still very limited with my driving. But much improved (even if inside I cant wait to to get home.
I worry about situations that may happen
I am not in a place I hoped id be after 2 yrs but I'm better than last year.
OP I know how you feel.

@Iusedtobecarmen - any driving is a good progress. At the moment I am pushing myself to drive every day even if is 5 min. Just had to do it. I am hoping one day I will be driving confidently and look back at this post with a smile :)

You sound so, so like me three years ago! Even down to your driving instructor saying you’re a safe driver, you just lack confidence.

Yesterday I met a friend who lives in London. I took the motorway/M25 route and navigated some horrible roundabouts without thinking about it. I would practically have had a nervous breakdown about that a few years ago.

What worked for me was driving, driving and driving again. I was a nervous wreck about motorways - and within six months of getting a car, a bereavement meant I had to drive us long-distance, all motorways, four hours or so each way, every few weeks. I’m now fine with motorways.

I have the same fear as you in relation to harming people. So I get it, I really do. But you just have to keep doing it until it’s no longer A Thing. You can do it!

@WhatsTheTimeMrCat- so happy to hear positive story so there is hope for me as well

There was a podcast released 2 weeks ago called "how did we get here" with Claudia Winkleman and Prof Tanya Byron called driving phobia. Def worth a listen as it was very informative with good tips to understand this and what's going on x

Thanks @Landlubber2019. I will look out for that.

I feel like I've found my people!

I have to admit when I first opened this thread I thought it would be full of the MN crew who label those who display a minor wobble as a complete danger to the road to be banned from driving forever - so happy to see that isn't the case!

I passed my driving test 4 years ago but made the most common mistake of not driving afterwards (had no need, lived in a small town with good transport links). When I was pregnant I bought my first car, but even still was nervous to drive it as it had been so long! And then had the added anxious feeling of the thought of driving with DD in the car.

Booked myself some refresher lessons & like PP said, my driving was fine was mainly a confidence issue. But yet still I was nervous of driving my car alone & would rely on my partner to drop & pick me up if I needed to get somewhere further out or pay for a taxi.

This was until my partners car broke down and I had no choice but to drive alone & it went well. It was a route that I knew like the back of my hand and I was aware of road layouts so wasn't taken by surprise. I have done this route many times now and feel fine on it.

My tip: go on a route you know but detour. This way you're still in a familiar area but not going the same exact route. For example with me, instead of going straight down my road and going left, I might go right & then circle back round.

Also - sometimes you will be forced into situations (road closures, roadworks) where you will have to drive an unfamiliar route and you just may surprise yourself!

Well done to those of you venturing out shopping etc - I am yet to do this as parking is my downfall and am nervous on parking in a car park incase Its busy and only tight spaces :(

That will be my next goal!

I was ok until,the menoapuse hit then bam - complete loss of confidence. I now only feel comfortable driving about 3 routes all under 3 miles. If i do them ok then i worry about the return journey because each journey is different & dependent on other cars. even going out early in the morning stresses me so much that i dont sleep the night before. i think i just have to accept that the driving part of my life is over.

DH had a phobia of driving after a nasty accident. He just about managed a set of refresher lessons by that was it. Then we inherited a car.

He's tight as fuck though, so we booked a hugely expensive family holiday at the other end of the country, driving there was literally the only option. He got a Valium prescription- a tiny bottle with half a dozen in. I held them all the way so he knew he'd got them if he couldn't cope, and we just went for it.

I'm so proud of him. He had the cold white sweaty shakes when we set off, but he forced himself to carry on and we made it - 9 hours.

He was almost as bad on the way back, but he managed, and these days he drives quite happily.

Good luck!

@mattcockhand
I'm the same about not sleeping prior. Not really if it's a supermarket trip, but any unfamiliar ones definitely. I even dream about it.

I also stress about parking. I will not even attempt a tight space. I'd rather drive back. However, I used to even be anxious about returning to my car in a empty car park in case it had filled up and i couldn't get back out. I dont often think that now.

I don't often ever feel ok when I've arrived at my destination though, as usually all I can think of is coming back!

I need to work on my parking and reversing etc
Last week I went to collect something from a shop with a quite empty carpark.
I forward bay parked which I'm usually ok with. I got my angle wrong and wasnt in the bay. I tried unsuccessfully to correct it(i was rushing). I had to pull out and re park in different bay. No harm done. But It played on my mind. Today I had to go back to pick up a parcel from there. I almost, almost avoided and was going to message DH to collect on his way home. But I went and I parked fine. Minor achievement but it's all progress.
I cant even see me becoming super confident though and I don't think I will ever end up going on a motorway.

@Iusedtobecarmen- the same situation about parking. I will drive to the shop (luckily is very close ) and if there is no space to park easily ( I can only can do forward parking) I will turn around and come back home.
I discussed with husband to start practising reverse parking.

@Tee20x- I am glad that thd post is useful.
A crazy idea came to my mind that we can set up a whatsapp group and suport each other by sharing fears, success story or just to discuss.

I learned then stopped for several years. I switched to an automatic car, had refresher lessons and now comfortably drive to work and the supermarket. I still get a bit nervous with new routes but I check Google maps for big junctions to find out which lanes I need to be in in advance. I also avoid motorways (though once ended up on the M1 the time I learned to check junctions in advance!). My phobia isn't gone completely but my heart doesn't race when I get I'm driving a route I know.

@Petitegirl yes I wouldn't mind a group

I have found my people. I passed my test but didn't drive for 2 or 3 years, bought a nearly new car and did some refresher lessons to get my confidence up. One week later someone ran a red light and wrote it off. Never drove since and that was almost 5 years ago.

I am going to sit in the drivers seat of my DP's car and might even turn the engine on. Wish me luck

[quote Tee20x]@Petitegirl yes I wouldn't mind a group[/quote]
maybe we could ask the mumsnet powers that be if they could set up a topic for us?