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Original poster

Owning your own birthday.

49 replies

Bargebill19 · 21/08/2021 07:51

Ok. Historically my birthdays have been forgotten or last minute remembered by friends and family. My own parents argued that my 21st wasn’t my 21st and that I was actually celebrating 8 months early. I had to get my birth certificate out to prove it was in fact my 21st birthday that day. So the bar for a good birthday is fairly low!
That’s fine. I have got used to it. I do always get others nice gifts - something to do with their hobbies or something they’ve asked for.

Today is no different, it’s my 50th. I have received out of date cake and biscuits from my best friend and a couple of generic cards. Dh texted at 2am. His birthday card was left jammed in our door when I arrived home - I guess he forgot until the last minute. (We are both on night shift ).

I want to own my birthday from here on. So I’m going out next week for a nice lunch and to treat myself to a really nice everyday watch. It’ll be something I’ll be doing every year from now on.
What have you done to turn any crap birthday into a decent one?

OP posts:
Dozer · 21/08/2021 07:55

Happy birthday! FlowersCake

Your plans sound good.

That’s awful about your family and 21st.

Sorry your DH has been so crap so far today: on another day would tell him that!

I find birthdays v tricky. So I just do nice things for myself, as and when, all the time Grin

Original poster
Bargebill19 · 21/08/2021 07:58

Thank you! I find it hard to do things for myself without a reason - I’ll do them for others!! Hmmm might have to say the cats made me buy xyz or do abc!!

OP posts:
ginislife · 21/08/2021 08:04

It's my birthday today too. 61 (but still 26 in my head). My 60th was cancelled. Moved it to last night and cancelled it 3 weeks ago. My 50th was a washout as well. I'm giving up on planning things. Do something lovely for yourself I'm going for a facial. Happy birthday Twinnie. Try to have a lovely day x

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Events & celebrations
Betsythecheshirecat · 21/08/2021 08:04

I have a friend who goes all out for her birthday. She's single and says that she has no partner to soil her so she does it herself. At first I was a bit Hmm but actually aside from her being ott about doing stuff it makes sense.

I have another friend who told me she was sick of making effort for other people's birthdays. So this year she told her family she wanted balloons, a cake with flowers on it and either X y or z for dinner. She had a brilliant day!

I think your plans sound lovely! Enjoy!

ILiveInSalemsLot · 21/08/2021 08:07

Sorry your family are so crap for your birthdays. It’s a great idea to just get on with it yourself. You’re special too and deserve to feel good on your birthday.

I’ve had some crap birthdays too so I started doing it all myself. I’d rope the dcs in to help make a birthday cake, get them to give me birthday hugs and draw me birthday pictures. We go for picnics or have a takeaway and I send a link to dh to something I want a week before.

Original poster
Bargebill19 · 21/08/2021 08:09

@ginislife hello!!!

🎂🎂🎂🎂🥂🥂🥂. Because we deserve quality, in date cake and bubbles!!

OP posts:
romdowa · 21/08/2021 08:11

I've always kind of done this. My birthday is my day and I always treat myself. I'll be heavily pregnant this year, so I've decided I'm going to celebrate my birthday this year after the baby is born 🤣🤣

Original poster
Bargebill19 · 21/08/2021 08:11

@Betsythecheshirecat she sounds amazing! I will attempt to channel her ethos next week. Two more night shifts to go!!!

OP posts:
Peabodi · 21/08/2021 08:13

Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!

Yes enjoy some alone time and celebrate your birthday how YOU would like.

Although I am really sorry that your family and friends have been so shit with your birthdays 😫

Original poster
Bargebill19 · 21/08/2021 08:15

@romdowa

No!!! You need to celebrate the specialness of you this year AND next year!!!
Congratulations on the upcoming special gift to be born. 🎂 🎈 (balloon as alcohol not allowed?)

OP posts:
jendifer · 21/08/2021 08:16

I’ve always organised stuff - parties, dinner with friends, whatever I fancied. It’s usually a case of “I’m doing this on the day but happy to do dinner, walk etc at another time if you want”. Some years it’s been quieter though but usually because I’ve been last minute in telling people.

PhoebeFriends · 21/08/2021 08:16

@Bargebill19 happy birthday 🥳🎂

Nearlyadoctor · 21/08/2021 08:17

Happy Birthday @Bargebill19 - you’re a day older than me Smile, my 50th tomorrow.
DH has always been really rubbish with birthdays so I ve just taken over and do what I want.
Tomorrow I’ve booked lunch out for the all the family and today I’ve booked a theatre trip. Dd is now 14 and tbh I can see she has been making little plans all week, which is lovely.
As far as presents go I now tell DH I want this eg: this year some neoprene Le Chameux wellies, this size and colour , tbf he had ordered them himself this time.
I think tbh to have as little expectation as possible works for me, last year DH was at work, DD and I went to view a new kitten, I bought steak, wine and a Colin cake and it was lovely.

sandgrown · 21/08/2021 08:18

My family are great at birthdays but I have still arranged my own “special “ birthday celebrations because I have definite ideas what I would like and usually a theme . My DC help out and we have had some great nights . Treat yourself OP.

SummersOverSeasideTown · 21/08/2021 08:19

Happy birthday!

I agree with planning what you want, yes it would be nice if others did it hut ultimately they would do what they thought I wanted not what I wanted, so I plan my own. Have also been out for lunch on my own.

Edmontine · 21/08/2021 08:25

Happy birthday, Bargebill19, and ginislife!FlowersCake FlowersCake

Yes, it’s sensible to own one’s birthday rather than going through a ritual of stoic disappointment every single year.

And it’s very easy, if one is surrounded by people, to habitually spend all your energy on them and leave nothing for yourself. 50th and 60th birthdays really are opportunities to celebrate your own existence, and no one is better placed to do that than you, yourself.

Divebar2021 · 21/08/2021 08:27

My step dad took my mum to Verona for a week for her 50th and I got to go for fish and chips in Whitstable for mine because it was in lockdown. It sounds pretty shit OP so sorry about that. What I don’t understand is why there isn’t a conversation leading up to the day where you say “ it’s my birthday next month - what are we doing?” Or “ I fancy doing xxxx for my birthday” “ I’ve seen these xxxx that I like the look of” or is there and he ignores it anyway?

Original poster
Bargebill19 · 21/08/2021 08:27

@Nearlyadoctor

Low expectations are my norm. I just thought that as it was a special birthday Dh and bf might have put some thought into it?! Even if was just a card with ‘oh no the big 50’ type thing. Not a generic countryside view with ‘left blank for your own message’ type!!

I did suggest to dh that I book tickets for a comedian we both enjoy. We used to go to comedy nights regularly. He refused, saying I should go alone. 😕

OP posts:
silverskinboots · 21/08/2021 08:29

Find yourself someone else to go with, your DH sounds like a selfish knobhead.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 21/08/2021 08:29

You have reminded me! I moved a few years ago and before that I used to arrange my own birthday lunch before my big day ( birthday itself is on a Hallmark holiday so it would get a bit ovetlooked).now I don't have a ready crew of people to do that... must find some!

Original poster
Bargebill19 · 21/08/2021 08:32

@Divebar2021

My step dad took my mum to Verona for a week for her 50th and I got to go for fish and chips in Whitstable for mine because it was in lockdown. It sounds pretty shit OP so sorry about that. What I don’t understand is why there isn’t a conversation leading up to the day where you say “ it’s my birthday next month - what are we doing?” Or “ I fancy doing xxxx for my birthday” “ I’ve seen these xxxx that I like the look of” or is there and he ignores it anyway?
Yes there is that conversation! Plus it’s on the family calendar, I reminded him several times this month, even suggesting I book tickets to see a comedian later this year. As a late celebration. We even share the same wish list on amazon and I’d out several things in there and told him they were there and why!! Fwiw, I took him shopping for a new phone he wanted for his 50th. (Pre covid)
OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 21/08/2021 08:34

I've arranged afternoon tea for my 40th as no one else will!

Nearlyadoctor · 21/08/2021 08:34

@Bargebill19 - that’s a shame he suggested you go alone , in fairness to my DH if I book it he will come. Do you have another friend ( not your bf ) who might like to go?
I expect your sleeping today but next week plan a couple of nice things for you, new book, coffee out etc. Treat yourself to something nice for the autumn, new candle, pj’s etc. Buy a nice cake ( not necessarily a birthday one). Do things you want to do.
Be kind to you FlowersCakeWine

Original poster
Bargebill19 · 21/08/2021 08:35

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Glad to have helped!!

Have an early happy birthday shout from me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bargebill19 · 21/08/2021 08:39

Thank you everyone for being lovely and kind, it’s made my day. I’m off to bed for much needed sleep.

For everyone in the same boat 🎂🍰🥂🍾

OP posts: