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Original poster

Adult Son and University

28 replies

Trampoline11 · 19/08/2021 14:41

This probably shouldn't be in chat but I don't really want a heated debate or anything!

Can anyone talk to me about what they would do in this situation? I'm feeling very stuck at the moment. I won't elaborate - my post will be huge if I do - but I did ask for advice a few years ago, which I followed as much as I could. This is where I'm at now.

DS (now 21) very influenced by his father, probably parental alienation but that's hindsight, so not a lot I can do after all this time. Ds did the a levels his father suggested and ended up with 2 D's. His F suggested he went to college to do a further a level. Another D. College said he could do a foundation year but DS didn't want that. I'm not sure why.

I wasn't too concerned at this point due to his age. So he got a job. He has hardly missed a day - better work ethic than me! He worked all through the pandemic and I'm quite proud of him as it's a very physical job.

DS now wants to do a foundation degree. I'm trying to encourage him but his father is telling him that a foundation degree is the wrong way as he will be in debt with no guarantee that Uni will have him for the 3 years after. I don't know how true this is. (Bearing in mind that this information is coming from a man who has 2 degrees in different subjects.)

I feel that he doesn't want DS to move on. He seems to be discouraging him at every turn. What should be a wonderful opportunity for DS is being made to sound like a pointless task and I think father just wants to keep son close to him.

DS doesn't talk much about it and has been offered a place. I have tried to help him by saying he can talk to a friend of ours whose four children have been to Uni - me and Dad are not that up to date with information these days etc. (I've never been.)

WWYD in this situation? Just let them get on with it and if he listens to his father, then so be it or something else?

(Probably should have mentioned that father and I don't live together. My DM would help him if needed and DS has enough money (grandparent savings) for this to be viable).

Thanks and sorry for being so long winded!

OP posts:
PineapplePanda · 19/08/2021 14:55

I would just like to say that sometimes when you do a foundation degree it allows you to shorten your bachelor's degree I.e come in at 2nd year instead of 1st year.

54321nought · 19/08/2021 14:57

I would encourage him to go, and show that you are excited for him to have this opportunity

MissyB1 · 19/08/2021 15:05

Be positive about it and encouraging without going on and on. You wont be able to stop him listening to his dad (just like you couldn't before), but trust your ds to know his own mind and make the right decision.

My ds is 26 and will finish his degree (health related) next summer, he started on a foundation year as he never did any A levels.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Higher education
Original poster
Trampoline11 · 19/08/2021 15:13

Thank you so much for this information. DS has just arrived home from being a bin man and I was able to tell him. He was very interested.

I am excited and will continue to be!

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 19/08/2021 15:18

Can ds ask the uni for stats of the percentage of foundation course students who go on to the degree course to get an idea of how realistic it is (and to counter his dad's negativity)?

Is the course something that would lead to a job? Is his physical job something he could go back to if uni doesn't lead automatically into a career or pick up in the long summers?

Original poster
Trampoline11 · 19/08/2021 16:23

It's Law. He works for the local council, through an agency. He's very well thought of so he could pick up work through the Summer I'm sure

OP posts:
titchy · 19/08/2021 16:38

I assume you mean he's got a place on a course with a foundation YEAR, rather than on a foundationDEGREE?

In which case as long as he passes the foundation year with whatever pass mark they set he will go straight into the next year. So his fathers talking out of his arse if he thinks they would not allow him into the three year degree even though he's passed.

Congratulate and encourage him. With a good work ethic as well as a degree the world should be his oyster!

Meceme · 19/08/2021 16:58

My daughter did a degree with a foundation year as her A levels didn't qualify for direct entry to the course. It was the best decision she ever made. She now has a First, a Masters and a job in the very competitive industry she trained in.
It is a great way to succeed.

Original poster
Trampoline11 · 19/08/2021 18:07

I am so glad I posted. With information like you have given me, I can now 'calmly' (I will try) give DS some sort of guidance.

Can I ask if the fees are the same whatever? That seems to be an issue for his father.

Thanks so much

OP posts:
titchy · 19/08/2021 18:14

Fees are maximum £9250 per year. Foundation year or final year. All the same.

vikmc87 · 19/08/2021 22:56

Hi OP I work for a university that offers degrees with a foundation year, each institution deals with them differently but in my experience, the foundation is typically a 4/5 year programme depending whether it includes a placement year and as long as the first year is passed students move onto the full degree programme, When students receive their degree certificate it does not mention foundation year. Some universities charge less for the foundation year (usually around 6k) and some charge the same as the ‘full’ degree.

Speak to the admissions teams and tutors, ask about the progression rate from foundation to full degree. Go and have a look around, most should have events speak to the students and get their honest opinions between now and the start of term (September). If the the university you are planning on doesn’t have any events, just ask them if they can offer you a personal campus tour. What your son decides to do I wish him the best of luck.

Smashedavacado · 20/08/2021 08:22

If it is any reassurance with regards to funding & debt it is important to remember that your son will not start paying his loans off until he starts to earn c£27k & then only a relatively small monthly payment. So in the absolute worst case scenario that he doesn't go beyond the Foundation year it could be many years before he even starts to pay it off.

Haffdonga · 20/08/2021 11:58

You have to remember a student loan doesn't work like any other loan. The amount you pay back depends on the amount you earn not the amount you borrowed.

So for example (not exact figures)

  • your ds does 1 year of his course and drops out owing 9 grand. He then gets a job earning £27k+ a year. He pays back £50 quid odd a month.
  • OR he does a 3 year degree, owes £30k. He gets the same job and still pays only £50 a month.
  • OR he does a foundation course plus degree, owes £40k. He STILL only pays £50 a month.

However many years he studies he will still pay back the same a month depending on his salary.

In fact most grads don't earn enough to start paying anything for quite a while and many many don't pay their loan off at all.

Original poster
Trampoline11 · 20/08/2021 14:54

@titchy - yes I did mean a foundation year - you can tell I've never done a degree! It's good to know that father is talking through his arse as I thought that but had no come back. We don't talk about this as it makes us so angry for different reasons.

Very interesting information about the loan that students take out. DS raised the issue a few years ago when his Aunt did a degree as a mature student. When she said that ds should go to university too, father pied up with 'yes if you have a husband who can afford £50,000, then it's a great idea.' All these small jibes has had an effect on DS I know but hopefully as he's getting older, he'll be more independent of him. Oh and harping on about RG is the only way to go otherwise they're mickey mouse degrees - yes that should work with 3 D's.

At school he was awarded extra time in exams but wouldn't accept it - dad said it was a waste of time...

Apologies, I'm going on now as it makes me so angry and frustrated. Hopefully all will be well with DS

OP posts:
Original poster
Trampoline11 · 20/08/2021 14:57

@vikmc87 that is really worth knowing as that could be another thing said just to be negative. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Trampoline11 · 20/08/2021 15:01

@PineapplePanda. Can I ask how he could find out this information or does it depend on how well he completes his foundation year? I want to have as many positives as I can. Although he was very young in his year, his friends have been at Uni for a while.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 20/08/2021 15:10

As mature student
He can surely get full loan tuition and maintenance
Encourage him to pursue
And to move out

Dd had to pushback on her df choice of uni for her... he said uni xxx was "better " than uni yyy she wanted to go....it was tough but worth it
She stuck to her choice but he made it hard
Keep telling ds he is an adult
It is his choice
His life
As said by pp
His loan will be paid back gradually as a "tax" on his salary he doesn't need £££ from his dad or anyone

Embracelife · 20/08/2021 15:12

And one step at a time get foundation yr done it isn't lost whatever happens

Original poster
Trampoline11 · 20/08/2021 15:17

thanks for your reply @Embracelife. This is where I feel I fail as I didn't think he was considered a mature student at 21?

OP posts:
Original poster
Trampoline11 · 20/08/2021 15:35

I like that idea about one step at a time. That would appeal to DS too I think. I don't want to be going on and on about it but I do want to give my opinion now and again. Something may stick.

Can he do a foundation year and then go back at a later date? I know people say that life is very short but I think working life is so long if you want it to be.

Had I stuck at my access course in my 40's, I would be doing what I wanted to do now. I had to do an access course as I hadn't done A levels. No education is a waste is what I'm tryng to say really.

OP posts:
Blossomgates · 20/08/2021 18:50

Well done for supporting him. I'm in the same position with my DS's son deterring him so understand completely. My DS hasn't made any other choices tho and is doing what his DF wants - a way of keeping him down and not letting DS be more educated than him. Hideous.

Embracelife · 20/08/2021 23:13

@Trampoline11

thanks for your reply *@Embracelife*. This is where I feel I fail as I didn't think he was considered a mature student at 21?
Over 21 www.ucas.com/undergraduate/applying-university/mature-undergraduate-students#who-are-mature-students
Embracelife · 20/08/2021 23:14

www.gov.uk/mature-student-university-funding

Embracelife · 20/08/2021 23:15

He would be assessed on his own
He is independent
His parents income not relevant

Embracelife · 20/08/2021 23:16

Mature students are defined as any student aged 21 or over at the start of their studies. Just over a half are aged between 21 and 24, 38 per cent between 25 and 39, and 10 per cent are over 40 when they commence their courses. What are the benefits?
www.ucas.com › filePDF
Mature Students' Guide - UCAS

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