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Original poster

Awful family stuff feel so desperate

39 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 16/08/2021 22:00

I've just had enough. I can't take the unfairness and the awfulness. I can't cope with everything anymore.

I would say I'm suicidal but I'd never leave my children or my husband. But I just want it all to stop.

OP posts:
Fruityfriday · 16/08/2021 22:32

Oh gosh OP, is someone looking after you? x

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 16/08/2021 22:33

No. DH is unwell and asleep

OP posts:
Alternista · 16/08/2021 22:33

I’m not being flippant, but… could it stop? Could you just walk away from wider family drama and just concentrate on your husband and kids?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 16/08/2021 22:35

It would mean dh literally walking away from his entire family and me doing the same with my parents.

I didn't think you were being flippant btw. It's the obvious solution. Just so awful.

OP posts:
Rainbowshit · 16/08/2021 22:37

I felt similarly to you. Not suicidal but wanting everything to stop. My GP prescribed some ADs. They didn't make everything go away but my resilience to deal with the awful situation was massively improved. It was like a switch flicking.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 16/08/2021 22:50

I'm on 10mg citalopram and have been for 3 months but no difference yet

OP posts:
Alternista · 16/08/2021 23:04

How would your DH feel about that?

If you can’t go NC, could you make some moves towards going much lower contact?

Alternista · 16/08/2021 23:05

Ignore me if you don’t want these sorts of suggestions btw! I can be a bit “Little Miss Fix It” and maybe you just need to vent.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 16/08/2021 23:13

I'm grateful for you talking to me. I feel so utterly wretched.

He just doesn't care anymore. I think he is so used to being let down and treated unfairly he just accepts it.

My stomach is in knots.

OP posts:
RiaOverTheRainbow · 16/08/2021 23:19

If no contact isn't an option right now, would it be possible to try, say, no contact for a month, or contact one day a week? Basically giving yourself times when you're allowed to just forget about them.

Or if you ever want to rant, posting here or phoning Samaritans is always an option Flowers

Unsubscribed · 16/08/2021 23:21

Sending hugs Flowers

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 16/08/2021 23:24

Find a good counsellor. It really makes a difference to talk things through with someone who is just focused on you, and what it's in your power to do / not do and what to change.

R0tational · 16/08/2021 23:26

Whats up OP? Sorry you are so distressed Brew

Fantasyfamily · 16/08/2021 23:28

@DueyCheatemAndHow sending hugs and flowers to you Flowers. Going through something similar and your feelings resonate with me. However, a life well lived is a better way of pissing people like you’re experiencing right now. I think maybe try and post on the stately homes thread? There are some very wise posters who can point you in the right direction of help. Please don’t give up. Don’t let haters win. Keep posting if it helps there is support for you here. I hope your DH gets better soon xx

LaLaLoopsyLoo · 16/08/2021 23:59

@DueyCheatemAndHow I really mean it when I say I know exactly how you feel. I recently walked away from all of it (them)! It has been transcending. I have my DH and my kids and they are all that matters now. I always knew my family were draining but I really didn’t think it was as bad as it was until I walked away. No more being the scapegoat, no more being emotionally abused, no more drama. The peace is pure bliss. It was so hard at first. The anxiety was horrendous and I didn’t think I’d ever recover but I did. I’m now two months down the line and I feel like a new person. Do it!

Rainbowshit · 17/08/2021 00:29

@DueyCheatemAndHow

I'm on 10mg citalopram and have been for 3 months but no difference yet
I started on 20mg which is the normal starting dose. Maybe ask for a review of your dosage.
Rainbowshit · 17/08/2021 00:31

@DueyCheatemAndHow

I'm on 10mg citalopram and have been for 3 months but no difference yet
www.nhs.uk/medicines/citalopram/ 10mg is the starting dose for children.
ohfourfoxache · 17/08/2021 00:35

Please please see your Gp about increasing your dose - 10mg probably isn’t a therapeutic dose…..

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 17/08/2021 08:34

Thanks all. I will speak to GP.

I feel like we've been thrown into a horrible game of chess and I'm so tired of having to think of the next move!

OP posts:
heartshapedmuffin · 17/08/2021 09:59

Me and my dh have walked away from our families. For us it was worth it and a few years on apart from the no childcare situation ever which can be very difficult, (things like having to collect dh from hospital when he's ill and having to take young dc as we have no one else isn't exactly ideal) but there are many positives.

We are thinking of moving to a different country and all the decisions most have to think about their families etc aren't there. It's a case of saying yes or no to a job offer dh has had. Things like who's where for Christmas. Not there.

I know people who have nice families can't see this as a positive but it's honestly such a relief after all these years of hell.
Also get counselling. That really helped me because having a third party tell me I'll know when it's time to walk away made me rethink everything. I just needed to hear it from someone else I think.

Good luck op glad you'll be speaking to your doctor as well.

Winemewhynot · 17/08/2021 10:03

We’re NC with DHs toxic family and life is so much more peaceful. People can only treat you badly if you engage with them!

Mantlemoose · 17/08/2021 10:09

My DP is NC with his DM and his SDF is shortly to be chucked off the scene too. Sick of the never ending drama, tit-for-tat and generally them being shitty excuses for human beings. It's not a nice feeling walking away but ultimately we are responsible for our own happiness and removing those from our lives who don't bring anything good to it.

Do you dream of not having those people in your life, to getting up of a morning and your stomach not being in knots - if that's the case take a stand. Medication is extremely helpful and I'm all for anti-depressants/anxiety meds. It should calm you enough to make a clear and concious, albeit difficult decision.

What do you think your DH would say if you told him you were cutting all ties? He doesn't have to, that's his choice, you have to look after yourself first.

LimitIsUp · 17/08/2021 17:45

@DueyCheatemAndHow

It would mean dh literally walking away from his entire family and me doing the same with my parents.

I didn't think you were being flippant btw. It's the obvious solution. Just so awful.

Then do it - if it is making you ill what choice do you have
Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 17/08/2021 18:43

I can walk away but obviously DH needs to make that decision too.

It looks like MIL is staying with us next month. If I said 'I don't think she should then DH would say no to her but then I feel its me controlling him.

They are all awful. His mum, his stepdad, his dad, his sister. The drama and nastiness is just horrendous.

OP posts:
fantasmasgoria1 · 17/08/2021 18:50

You should tell him you do not want her to stay. You are obviously struggling an awful lot and this can only get worse if she stays.