Have you ever grieved 'well'?

[BettyCarver]

I'm not sure I ever have. By grieving 'well' I suppose I mean, do you feel you've processed the range of emotions that come with loss in a healthy way? If you have, how long did the grief process take, or is it ongoing, and how do you feel now?

@Ragwort

Yes, my DF died recently in his 90s, it was fairly peaceful and he died at home (I was with him as he died), we were spared the difficult decisions of whether he needed to go into residential care etc. He'd had a very happy life (as far as I could tell, you can never know someone's innermost thoughts I suppose) and 30 wonderful years of retirement... we knew he wasn't going to get better so I am just grateful that at my age (60+) I still had my DF and the end was so peaceful... I also have a strong faith which really helps me.

That is lovely

@BeautyGoesToBenidorm so sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad.

When my grandmother died a few years back , I honestly hardly grieved at all. She was in her 90s , had a massive stroke which left her paralysed and blind, seeing her like that was far more upsetting and she lived for 10 days after. Her passing after those ten days was an utter relief for her and for us. We consoled ourselves with the fact that she had been freed from that state , that she had had a beautiful life filled with the love of family and friends and her funeral just went to show how loved she was. I still miss her after all these years and wish she hadn't had the stroke but she was so old that I feel kind of selfish in my want for her to have lasted forever.

I have noticed that sometimes other people have an expectation of seeing you grieve, and seem disapproving when they observe you smiling, laughing etc. That can be quite difficult to manage, but I didn't fake grief just to make others comfortable, although i imagine it's tempting in some situations.

I got accused of 'not caring' by my sibling after my mum's death, as I was able to carry on with life as normal. But he can f*^k off anyway.

I'm relieved that others have said it, as I wasn't sure if there was something wrong with me - but I struggled more with the loss of my dog than I did my mum.

Mum had Alzheimers and declined over a few years, so I lost the original version of her long before she actually died. We had a great relationship, no unfinished business, and she would have been so happy that it was over and she didn't have to suffer the indignity any more. It wasn't a shock, I saw her body, I said all my goodbyes. Of course I was sad and I grieved, but it was a fairly gentle grief.

My dog was difficult and aggressive, 12 years of careful and tricky management. She was over bonded with me, suffered from chronic pain and needed me desperately. I thought we'd have more time but suddenly the day came when she couldn't go on and I wasn't ready. She was angry, frightened, and fought the drugs so she was still gasping for air when the vet said she was dead. It was 2 years ago and even now I'm struggling to write this, I miss her so much even though we have another - much easier - dog now. I cried so much there were days I thought I couldn't stop, I'm crying again now even though she was an utter horror who bit me several times.

I feel terrible that a dog caused me a greater wrench than my own kind and loving mother, who I adored.