Thinking about how Mumsnet changes language - would you know what 'sticky wishes' means and when did you first hear it?

[SarahAndQuack]

That's it really.

If you know what the phrase means, or you've heard it, when would you say you first heard it? Was it on here or somewhere else?

(I am loosely asking this for research purposes, but only fairly loosely!).

I've been around 5+ years, hanging out on various fertility threads, and I've never heard that specific expression. I've definitely seen newly pregnant women hoping 'this one sticks' though.

@SionnachRua

Never heard it before, really sets my teeth on edge. I'd have probably guessed that it was a typo for 'sticky wicket' which I also can't stand!

Speaking of MN phrases that I can't stand, 'boobing the baby' is another godawful one that I've only ever seen here...We seem to have a real collection of them.

God yes boobing is awful and no excuse for it!

@makkaPakkas hahaha prescious fucking baby is hilarious, especially in the contexts it tends to be used in. "So SIL and her precious fucking baby turned up for Christmas, and..."

No. I've had close friends with fertility problems,, but we're in our fifties so past discussing the possibility of conception now.

Never heard it before but I guessed it would he related to "sticky baby dust" I remember those sort of terms from when I was on TTC boards pre-2015

If it interests you OP the more pregnancies I have had (2 live births, 4 losses) the less tolerance I have for cutesy language, to the extent that I wouldn't even refer to my bump as a bump during my last pregnancy because it sounded so twee and daft.

Never heard it before this thread.

Before your explanation, I had no idea what it might mean.

@BastardMonkfish

If it interests you OP the more pregnancies I have had (2 live births, 4 losses) the less tolerance I have for cutesy language, to the extent that I wouldn't even refer to my bump as a bump during my last pregnancy because it sounded so twee and daft.

YY, it does interest me. I've also had losses, no live births as yet though I have a non-bio DD, and part of the reason I started getting interested in the language around pregnancy loss was that it bothered me. I totally get the arguments for the 'cute' language - for some people it really makes them feel better, and I can see it's a sort of shortcut: when you're feeling really raw, there's an easy, formulaic phrase that stops you having to expend too much energy while also expressing support. So I do get that. But for me, it didn't work on a personal level.

I think the same is true of a lot of things around pregnancy loss/TTC (such as the ways pregnancy losses are memorialised). I am just at the beginning of trying to work out what I think, but it's good to know it's not jus me who finds it quite complicated/difficult.

(And thank you, I really appreciated you replying.)

Never heard it. I've been in MN over 18 years... 🏆 (to me)

Never heard of it or seen it on here.

I’ve never seen it on here but seen people say they hope it’s a sticky bean.

I'd never heard of it but I hide the vast majority of the Conception threads precisely because of the language.

It really is a difficult and complicated topic, OP.

@BastardMonkfish

If it interests you OP the more pregnancies I have had (2 live births, 4 losses) the less tolerance I have for cutesy language, to the extent that I wouldn't even refer to my bump as a bump during my last pregnancy because it sounded so twee and daft.

Same. Phrases like “sticky bean” “baby dance” “doing the deed” and “af” make me want to punch a wall. Talk to me like a fucking adult. I’m not a baby. I’ve had 4 losses and during that time people would say “I hope this one is your sticky bean” and it just feels so infantilising and patronising.

I’m the same, the language around it (baby dust, sticky bean, baby dance) absolutely makes me want to throw up.

Interesting, @Mousetown. I thought IWBU to feel like that all these years! Maybe I can ask here something that I certainly wouldn't ask on a Conception thread, but why do groups of women choose to infantilise themselves like this? Is it a 'belonging to a club' thing? As in, if you want the support, you have to use the language?

I mean I suppose lots of people would say it's harmless, but I think it's quite constraining; and I'd hate it to cross over into medical practice further. It's bad enough already. (Can give examples, but I'm sure most people have their own!)

Never heard of it.
It's not a phrase I would ever want to use myself but I wouldn't want to say anything unkind about language choices people make when talking to each other and sharing their feelings and giving mutual support ttc.

I went through years of fertility issues and hung out on the boards here lots. I think the language used was more group speak, used by a close but group of supporters who we discussed really personal things between us. I think the group language evolved, into somewhat cutesy terminology but it was more about having our own codes and support terms. I’m not normally inclined to use cute language.
Oh and yes ‘boobing’ should be banned from the language.

Not heard it before, but I don't hang out on the conception boards anymore. When I did, it was 'sending baby dust'

So, like a women's coded language? Do men ever use it?

This is so interesting.

I've never heard of it but then I have the TTC threads hidden.

I know this isn't a phrase peculiar to MN but I find the phrase "rainbow baby" really disturbing and I can't really explain why. It seems to put a weight of expectation on that new baby.

Thinking about how Mumsnet changes language
It's certainly been in use on MN for a long time, but I've also seen it in hashtags on instagram.
I think in this case it’s not MN “changing” language, because as you can see lots of us have used MN for years and never came across this phrase. It’s more likely specific to infertility / tcc boards on MN and outside of MN, rather than MN as a whole, introducing phrases to a very niche group of people’s vocabulary.

I've been on and off the fertility, conception and pregnancy and parenting boards for about 8 years and the cutesy language used by some makes me want to puke too. However I've never been left out or not welcomed for using straightforward language on the boards. I just phrase things how I want and try to live and let live with the baby dusters. I've had loads of invaluable advice from those boards.

However I think the cutesy stuff is possibly part of a bigger issue of infantilising pregnant women. I feel like society tries to make pregnant women into desexualised non adults somehow. Also with new mothers actually.

I'd never heard it, but would make sense in a TTC context partly because of the 'hoping it sticks' but perhaps also related to POAS - an acronym which isn't cutesy.

Sticky wishes is not my choice of a turn of phrase, although I'd say "I hope this one's sticks/here's hoping for a sticky bean".

Baby dust isn't something I'd use either but I don't judge those who do. I can only speak for myself but similar to a pp, the more loss I've experienced, the less tolerance I have for myself using cutesy language about ttc/infertility /loss.