Anyone else struggle with a relationship after being single?

[Takethe]

I was single for 12 years before getting together will my boyfriend. He’s lovely. A few little niggles but overall we’ve got a great relationship.

But I’m really struggling with it. I miss being single. I like seeing my BF, but equally I wouldn’t be that bothered if he called things off. In some ways I’d be a bit relieved because I could go back to the single life I know and loved (although when I was single I did thing it would be kind of nice to have a boyfriend).

He’s not needy or possessive or anything like that, but I just think that I’m so used to be single and doing anything I want that I don’t know if I can do a relationship long term.

Has anyone else experienced similar, and either overcome it or sacrificed the relationship to go back to being single?

It took 6 months for me to adjust to living with my partner after being single for 19 years or so. He's lovely, kind, fun and generous but it was bloody hard sharing my space, changing my routines etc. Harder than I thought it would be. We are three years in now though and wouldn't be without eachother for the world.

My mom always taught me that a Boyfriend should always make your life better than being single, if they make it worse, then they shouldn't be your boyfriend.

It sounds like this guy is doing something to make your life worse as you're longing to be single again. What is the gains from being with them if you wish you weren't?

It sounds like this guy is doing something to make your life worse as you're longing to be single again. What is the gains from being with them if you wish you weren't?

The gains are that: I have emotional support. Someone to just chill with. Someone whose company I thoroughly enjoy, conversation I enjoy. Lovely meals, lovely holidays, lovely low key nights cuddling in bed. He’s great. He does nothing to negativity impact upon my life. No issues.

But still, I just don’t feel like me. I feel like being me is being single.

I love my single life, I would never consider another relationship

I was widowed just over five years ago, and still in a not very good place. Not to sound self-contradictory but I've thought about what a possible future relationship might mean, as I miss grown-up conversation.

The thought of someone living in my house is impossible, and not because it's sanctified to my late DH's memory. I like my own space too much.

I might entertain the idea of a gentleman caller in the future, though that would be my limit.

Long distance relationship means you get to spend a lot of your time being single, and appreciate the time when you're together...

I'd tolerate a gentleman caller too. One I could ask to leave once the fun is over so I can sleep 😂 I like my space too much for a relationship. I don't even miss sex. I don't need or want another person in my life. I feel complete on my own.
He doesn't sound like the one for you OP as you're hardly head over heels. Maybe being single is best for you but only you can decide.

I worry about this, I've been single for 8 years and I bloody love it.
At the same time I'm starting to daydream about all the things you describe.
I think the trick is to find a balance between being there for each other but still allowing each other plenty of space and freedom.

I think this would be me have you read any of Bella de Paulo's work about single at heart? She defines it as people who, whether currently single or in a relationship, live their best, happiest and most fulfilled lives when single.

It's definitely me, I'm much happier on my own - it might be you! It might not be, but worth a read I reckon :)